It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Alzheimer's Disease & Dementia Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 04-10-2012, 07:25 AM   #1
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Alabama
Posts: 27
SandwichLady HB UserSandwichLady HB UserSandwichLady HB User
7 weeks after Mom died, Dad joined her

Hi, all:

I have been absent since January... Mom died Jan 7th as you know. So we told Dad about it and he seemed to process the news. (you may recall that both my parents had dementia). It was time for the second of two rounds of appetite stimulants, so he went on that, but still was eating next to nothing.

Six weeks after Mom died, dad was walking down the hall and fell....apparently because he was so weak from not eating. In fact, the week before he'd lost 5 pounds! We had already called in hospice, so we asked them to step it up. We felt certain that he would not last long. Well, hospice did not listen to us and we felt they took a more nonchalant attitude about it all. They were not consistent or timely with their delivery of supplies, showing up when they said they would, etc. There are some hospice organizations that are better than others, and we happened to choose one of the not-so-good ones...

But that's neither here nor there. In any event, a week to the day that he fell, Dad died. He tried his best to hang on, despite our assuring him that it was OK to let go. But he finally did let go. It was peaceful, and now he's reunited with Mom and my sister who died 14 years ago.

That was march 2nd. And I arranged the memorial service, etc. and am dealing with the estate stuff. And I've been in a kind of fog. But now that a month has passed, the fog lifts from time to time and I feel the loss and sorrow. But it is manageable... probably thanks to that anti-depressant I've been on for a while now! But who cares? I have 2 young children and a husband and a home and other responsibilities that are ongoing, so I need to be ongoing too!

I just wanted to let you all know about this... I have not been a caregiver for long... luckily for my parents, they lived in their own home, on their own terms until only 8 and 10 months before their deaths, which is amazing. Of course my caregiving role has been going on for a bit longer, but not much. So we are choosing to accept that their lives ended where they did, but not to dwell on that since it's such a small percentage of their time on earth.

Dad's 85th birthday is tomorrow. And I think I posted before that he has said for many years that nothing good happens after 85... and we assumed that he'd pass before then, and he did! I think that once he knew that his reason for living, i.e., taking care of Mom, was gone, he felt OK about joining her.

Thank you all for your advice and just for listening. As you all know, that is invaluable. No one can know what this is like until they go through it. It's like when you have your first baby... you think you know what it's going to be like, but then you get there and you realize that you were clueless!

Love,
Sarah

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 04-10-2012, 07:59 AM   #2
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: charlotte, nc, usa
Posts: 7,182
Gabriel HB UserGabriel HB UserGabriel HB UserGabriel HB UserGabriel HB UserGabriel HB UserGabriel HB UserGabriel HB UserGabriel HB UserGabriel HB UserGabriel HB User
Re: 7 weeks after Mom died, Dad joined her

Sarah, it is so good to hear from you and know that you are doing ok. I am sorry for the loss of your Mom and now your Dad. They obviously lived a good full life and it was time for them to be together again.

I do understand the fog of shock that comes at first and the moments of sadness and sorrow. We think we are ready but not sure we ever are. I also understand the need to go on. Just take a step back and be sure that you are taking care of yourself. You have been though a lot in a short time. Perhaps not as long as some but just as intensely. Know your Mom and Dad are together and in a better place... and they would want for you the best life has to offer. My mind keeps saying that Sarah needs if not a spa weekend... at least a day of pampering!

Know you stay in my thoughts and prayers as you find your new normal. Hope to hear from you from time to time as well.

Love, deb

 
The Following User Says Thank You to Gabriel For This Useful Post:
SandwichLady (04-10-2012)
Old 04-10-2012, 08:47 AM   #3
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
ninamarc's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Canada/USA
Posts: 1,703
ninamarc HB Userninamarc HB Userninamarc HB Userninamarc HB Userninamarc HB Userninamarc HB Userninamarc HB Userninamarc HB Userninamarc HB Userninamarc HB Userninamarc HB User
Re: 7 weeks after Mom died, Dad joined her

Sarah,

I am so sorry to know that your Dad is gone too. Please accept my condolences. Indeed it is good for all. Dad is now at peace with Mom and your late sibling.

It is a hard path to care for a person with dementia. I am sorry the hospice was not so good. Anyhow, you need to move on. Hope the antidepressant is only temporary for you!
Please continue to drop by to share with us all!

Hugs,
Nina

 
The Following User Says Thank You to ninamarc For This Useful Post:
SandwichLady (04-10-2012)
Old 04-10-2012, 11:56 AM   #4
Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Washington state
Posts: 467
TC08 HB UserTC08 HB UserTC08 HB UserTC08 HB UserTC08 HB UserTC08 HB UserTC08 HB UserTC08 HB UserTC08 HB UserTC08 HB User
Re: 7 weeks after Mom died, Dad joined her

Oh Sarah......I am just so sorry. I lost my stepdad January 2nd and am still processing that. I'm glad you posted to let us all know what's been happening. You sound pretty darn good! It's all just so much to go through.

Sorry the hospice wasn't the best. I'm sure that didn't help things any. Please take good care of yourself as you move forward and move through the grief that sometimes seems to have a mind of its own

Yes, your folks are indeed together again. And happy, and whole. I was working out in my garage yesterday, getting ready for a garage sale, and ran across a plastic bag that had an adult diaper in it (I used to carry one in my car just in case for my stepdad). I took one look at that and thought - he no longer needs THIS! Yay for that!!

I really relate to the "fog" statement. It is indeed like a fog when they pass, and then having to make all the plans for the service, etc etc. I too am so thankful I've had this board to turn to - to be able to reach out to others who truly understand. I'm sending you huge {{{hugs}}} and hope you will let us all know how you're doing. Also an angel to watch over you

 
Old 04-10-2012, 03:39 PM   #5
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: highland park, il 60035
Posts: 2,484
debbie g HB Userdebbie g HB Userdebbie g HB Userdebbie g HB Userdebbie g HB Userdebbie g HB Userdebbie g HB Userdebbie g HB Userdebbie g HB Userdebbie g HB Userdebbie g HB User
Re: 7 weeks after Mom died, Dad joined her

i am sorry about your dad. you sound strong but i know the sorrow. keep posting it helps with the loss.

 
Old 04-11-2012, 04:49 AM   #6
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Georgia
Posts: 117
aras HB Useraras HB Useraras HB Useraras HB User
Re: 7 weeks after Mom died, Dad joined her

Sarah,
So sorry for your loss. May each day bring closure and leave you with only good memories. Please keep in touch when you can.

 
Old 04-11-2012, 07:11 PM   #7
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Lake Worth, FLorida USA
Posts: 1,676
meg1230 HB Usermeg1230 HB Usermeg1230 HB Usermeg1230 HB Usermeg1230 HB Usermeg1230 HB Usermeg1230 HB Usermeg1230 HB Usermeg1230 HB Usermeg1230 HB Usermeg1230 HB User
Re: 7 weeks after Mom died, Dad joined her

Sarah... I send you my condolences. Losing one is hard but both so close to one another is a blessing and a curse. They are together again but they had to leave you to do it.

Losing our loved ones is hard but knowing they are free again is the buffer we need to go on.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

love, Meg

 
Closed Thread




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Sign Up Today!

Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

I want my free account

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 06:46 PM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!