Nina - As difficult as it was to know my stepdad was in the last few days of his life, it helped to remind myself that by his being on hospice and therefore on "comfort care" we were not putting him through: a traumatic hospital stay - intervening methods that would make him very uncomfortable and really not prolong his life - at least not his quality of life
It of course also helped very much to know that he had a living will, he and my mom had talked things over years before he was ill, etc.
I think I know what you're expressing - that the word "comfort care" when the person is in the process of dying seems, well, ironic. It helped me alot that the caregivers were very in tune with my stepdad, knew the signs of discomfort (and there weren't many with my stepdad), and did all they could to keep him, well, comfortable. It was a much more peaceful ending than the whole medical intervention - ER - hospital route. I am grateful that he was able to stay in the adult family home until the very end.
I am sorry for what you're going through. It's really tough to watch someone shutting down and to know there's only so much you can do.