Here is what I will comment:
There is no way to predict really how much or how often someone is going to ask to go home (or demand it, or pack for it, or try to accomplish it, depending on the situation!)
It is entirely personal.
But what I DO know is that you are going to have to find a way that you can deal with it, whichever variant might occur, because requests to go home will always tug at the heartstrings even if you are 100% convinced beyond all doubt that a facility is the best place for your loved one. The tug's severity can vary depending on how pathetic, angry, upsetting or tragic the plea was.
The methods you figure out will have to try to calm or at least placate the person temporarily, as well as not leave you like a beaten up, guilt-consumed ragdoll.
For the first, I think you are going to have to use trial and error, drawing from suggestions on this board as well as your own innovation, and keeping in mind that what works great today might be completely ineffective tomorrow! (Frustrating, that... but you get used to it!)
These may include: merciful lies, false but vague promises, ice cream or other treats as distractions, acknowledging that she feels bad, saying nothing but appearing sympathetic, changing the subject, bringing things for her to look at it or fiddle with, blaming someone or something else (their health, the doctors, the rules, Medicare, the Sheriff, or changing the TV station or moving to another room.
For the second, I think you have to know your own personality and come up with something that speaks to you emotionally and psychologically so that you don't feel too bad.
Personally, what I do is say to myself, Well, it would be great if my aunt could go home and do well and be safe. I wish that were possible, but I know it is not. It is understandable that I feel bad but I have to do what is in her best interest. I am sorry it causes her agitation sometimes and I hope I keep coming up with ways to soothe her.
My rational side repeats this ,or variations of this, to myself as many times as necessary to convince my emotional side of it. It usually takes about 5 - 10
repetitions. If necessary, I write it down and review mentally the reasons why she can't be home.
Originally Posted by floramay
my husband who has alzheimers was admitted to a nursing home 6 weeks ago. every week he packs up his things and tell the nurse he wants to go home. other times he seems ok. how long does it normally take for an alzheimers patient to adjust?