I think he probably does not have any bad motives. Maybe he is just seeking to talk about going out, maybe he wants company going out together or to see how you manage it, maybe he wants credit for when he takes his wife out and it makes him feel good that he takes out his wife more than you take out your patient.
I know it irked the heck out of me that people were always asking me that and finally I realized it was because deep down I wished I could take my aunt out and was afraid that others, not fully aware of the situation, would judge me as selfish or uncaring because i did not take her out.
Then I finally realized that I know best and I don't answer to these people, and that mostly they don't have ill intent; they mean well.
So I just tell them what works best for us and I thank them and sometimes I add on "How I wish it were different! I would love it if things were at a point where she could go out."
It is both superficial and completely true, and who knows, maybe this response will somehow help someone else feel more secure about their decision not to take the patient out.
I have learned the same about visiting. My aunt does better when I keep my visits short and sweet, a few times a week. Since this is about her, and not me, I keep it to that. It used to bother me when people would comment, I always took it to mean they thought I should visit more. Finally I realized, who cares what they think? And maybe they are just looking for reassurance that maybe they can do the same. So now I just say "We find it worked out best this way. It would be great if it were otherwise!"
It was kind of a process to build up that feeling of security in what I have chosen to do but once you get there... it is a big relief.
Originally Posted by bearcubs
No he doesn't take her out all the time but when he does he always let's me know about it.