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Old 06-29-2012, 09:13 AM   #1
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Doesn't want to listen to his son

I know this is always what happens to my FIL: he is used to his caregivers and he is willing to follow the rules by the NH given by the caregivers due to his pride. He will follow what they do and he really likes the nurse's attention when they come to care for him.
When it comes to us, it is like nothing works! The caregivers can tell him to wash or move his legs to the paddles of the wheelchair. They can tell him to move and eat and etc...
My FIL still knows he is different with us. He is like an authority and he knows he can still order his son. So my husband cannot move his legs to the paddles whatsoever. We ended up moving him with his legs up and he loves to move his legs up in the air. He loves to drag his gym shoes on the ground (we don't let him, of course.) The caregivers don't do this. Once in a while, he used the wheelchair without the paddles - guess sometimes the caregiver cannot make him do that either. Like a kid playing with it. Now he does not care if he cannot walk or talk - he is used to his state like this. He now boldly makes lots of gestures like he wants to go to the yard, or he want to wait. If he is mad, he still says "Ah" loudly to stop us. (Kind of scary to hear that loud Ah!)

In the end of July, he will have space to move to the West wing for a private room. He will still be alert but hope he will just have to get used to it.

I am kind of puzzled, is it true that he will get more moody? I thought he would be less acting since he is stopping walking/talking/eating all by himself.

The good thing is he is still alert and likes to play like a kid!

Nina

 
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Old 06-29-2012, 03:25 PM   #2
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Re: Doesn't want to listen to his son

His emotional well being can change at any time during the disease. If there is something that is frustrating to him, he will let you know it. They don't have to walk or talk to show distress. Sometimes the inability to walk and talk in and of itself is frustrating enough for them to act out. Some exhibit this frustration/anxiety early in the disease, some in the middle, some late in the disease, some not at all, and some during more than one phase of the disease. It's specific to each person and directly related to their stress level at the moment. Mom's worst time was in the early and mid stages of her journey thought the disease while Dad's was not until the end of his journey through the disease.

When FIL will do something again is determined in the moment. Yes, the care staff is more familiar to him and they know exactly how they do it. You stated that sometimes it worked for them and sometimes it didn't. I may or may not work for you as well... probably more likely not. Just know it has less to do about you, and more to do about how he is feeling in the moment.

I do hope he does well in the move and adjust quickly...

Love, deb

 
Old 06-29-2012, 03:54 PM   #3
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Re: Doesn't want to listen to his son

My FIL does have clash with the caregivers and that is why he is given low dose of antipsychotic drug. The last clash was he was scratched by the male caregiver by accident. I think the male caregiver is not like a female one and he was not familiar with my FIL. It happened in the dining room. I think probably my FIL moved his hand suddenly and was touched by the guy's fingernails. The director said maybe that is why he should go to the west wing for quiet setting so he is less "disturbed"... They are required to inform us. I think caregivers are brave and it is kind of funny that this time the male caregiver got him.
My FIL likes female caregivers more. He relates to women better emotionally.

Nina

Last edited by ninamarc; 06-29-2012 at 03:56 PM.

 
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