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Old 07-20-2012, 04:21 PM   #1
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Question my aunt is refusing to go to doctor

My aunt has Alzheimer's. She is 75. My uncle is taking care of her right now. He is 80, and not in good health himself. They have no children. She is refusing to eat, says whatever my uncle cooks is slop. She talks, or should I say yells, at him all the time, night and day he says. I am talking about loud enough where people outside can hear. She cusses him and calls him all kinds of names. She cannot get around without his help. She would not go to the doctor last week, so my uncle kept her appt and talked to the doctor himself. They sent a home health nurse out there the other day. The nurse told my uncle that my aunt has to go to the doctor this Monday in order to get signed up for home health, or they will be charged for her visit. They are on a fixed income. And have Medicare. He called me today and said that my aunt is refusing to go to doc on Monday. He asked me if I would come over there Monday and help him get her her dressed and we are just going to have to force her to go. I could hear her in the background cussing him and telling him she is not going to be forced to go anywhere. Everytime I talk to him she is constantly screaming at him. He told me on the phone today that he does not know how much more he can take. He had to get on blood pressure meds the other day cause his bp was 182/80. I need some advice on the best way to get her to the doctor. Am thinking he may have to start considering a nursing home for her.

 
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Old 07-20-2012, 05:23 PM   #2
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Re: my aunt is refusing to go to doctor

I am sorry I have no advice for you. But it seems time that your Aunt needs to go to a NH. It's time you free your Uncle from his personal hell, or else you will loose him sooner than later.

 
Old 07-20-2012, 05:38 PM   #3
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Re: my aunt is refusing to go to doctor

Greetings Of course everyone can choose to do what they want to do but maybe some tasty easy to cook recipes can be presented. Maybe she should be nicely asked what she wants to eat. Maybe some friends and neighbors who are willing can as a group help do the cooking coming in or bringing things she likes.


Some people seem to feel that coconut was of some value for alzheimers although perhaps on a limited basis and I would not encourage anyone to go overboard on it nor to buy the oil itself especially in winter since it may harden in the arteries when a person is exposed to cold weather particularly if it did not get put in the fat pads of the body in my opinion. I would just use the real coconut in as natural a form as possible for age and teeth condition. Peace, sjb

 
Old 07-20-2012, 06:12 PM   #4
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Re: my aunt is refusing to go to doctor

It seems that no matter what he fixes, she won't eat but a bite or two, and sometimes not at all. I occasionally take food over there, and she will only eat a bite or two. I know it is not pleasant for him with her yelling at him all the time, and I am serious when I say that it is all the time. Is it wrong for me to go and help him get her dressed and us physically pick her up and put her in the car? She will be yelling and cussing at the doctors office when we get there too.

 
Old 07-20-2012, 06:13 PM   #5
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Re: my aunt is refusing to go to doctor

Dena, everything you described is typical demented behavior. Food is slop because the taste sensations have changed. I did learn recently that it is not the salty and sweet taste that remain but is the bitter taste sensation that remains. So many food items taste bitter which we all find offensive. They prefer the sweet and salty because it does mask the bitter flavors. I am sure she will grab that Twinky before she will eat the slop on her dinner plate. Beyond that she may be having difficulty with her small motor functions and thus not be able to use her utensils. Her vision may be impaired. She will lose her peripheral vision. It is like looking through a tube. She will not be able to see what is on the table right in front of her. Her depth perception is also impaired so everything looks flat. If the color of the food is close to the color of the plate it become invisible to her. Feelings of hunger change. She may not know she is hungry or she may feel hungry all the time. Her time frame is out of whack and she has no idea it is meal time. She may have problems with consistency and swallowing. So it's not so simple to feed the dementia patients. Smaller portions on a contrasting plate or finger foods might help. A half or quarter of a sandwich is not as over whelming as a large plate of food. Instead of a large meal try several small meals. Whip up some Ensure with ice cream to make a milk shake. It's sweet and nutritious and most love it.

As for the doctor, do not tell her where she is going. Go over and help Dad get her ready for a trip out... to run some errands. Less is better with the demented because they can not process all that you are saying. If you over whelm them with where you are going, when you are going, why you are going, they will balk because they just can't grasp it all. So drop any mention of Monday's appointment. Get her up Monday as any other day and get her dressed. Then just get in the car and go run the errands... including the doctor's office. She might not be happy when she gets there... but she will be there

I would also ask the doctor for medication to control your Aunt's outburst. If she is making Uncle miserable, you have to wonder how miserable she has to be. That kind of anxiety and hostility is not good for her either. There is medication that will help and make life better for them both. I do understand your Uncles feelings. He should not have to endure her constant harassment. If medication can make it possible for your Aunt to stay at home longer, it is definitely worth a try!!

Love, deb

PS... yes coconut oil and other such fats are solid at room temperature but they do not enter the blood stream as fats. They are metabolized first by the digestive system and absorbed as very different substances. Therefore there is no way they can solidify in the body. There is no proof that coconut oil does anything for dementia.

Last edited by Gabriel; 07-20-2012 at 06:16 PM.

 
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Old 07-20-2012, 06:26 PM   #6
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Re: my aunt is refusing to go to doctor

Thanks Deb, and she is already having trouble with her vision. She has a hospital commode which is kept close to the couch, as she cannot get around without help from my uncle. She accuses him of moving it where she cannot find it, and it has been in the same spot always. She refuses to take her regular meds sometime. He got her to take them one day while I was there, and she takes 5 different pills, but she said there was only one pill in her hand instead of 5. She rubs her lips all the time, and she may be getting dehydrated.

 
Old 07-20-2012, 08:19 PM   #7
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Re: my aunt is refusing to go to doctor

The commode has been in the same spot for a short time. With her short term memory loss she may not even know what it is. It is not something familiar as a regular toilet so she might look right at it and not know what commode you are talking about. And yes, it could be a vision problem.

Meds can become a problem as well. They don't know what they are being given or why then need to take it. If it become too difficult talk to your pharmacist about patches or liquid medications. Liquids can be mixed with something to drink if necessary. Ask what pills can be crushed. Then you can mix it with ice cream, yogurt, pudding... anything that she will eat. I had one small pill that Mom took mid day that I would stuck in the middle of a piece of chocolate candy. She gobbled it down with the pill. You might want to talk to the doctor about how many of those pills are absolutely necessary. You may be able to eliminate a couple.

Dehydration is a big problem and you need to encourage your Uncle to make sure Aunt has something handy to drink at all times. Get one of those thermal glasses with the screw on lid and straw. Fill it with ice and her favorite drink. Leave it with her and encourage her to take sips if she doesn't do it. You can tell from using a single glass just how much she is drinking. Many medical conditions can be made worse by dehydration. Liquid is actually more important than food. Check to make sure her urine is not dark and that she is using the bathroom regularly

Sorry that your Aunt has this disease and you needed to find us Dena... but glad you are here Good luck with getting Aunt to the doctor on Monday and help something here has helped you.

Love, deb

 
Old 07-23-2012, 05:50 AM   #8
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Re: my aunt is refusing to go to doctor

Greetings I would agree with the other poster that dehydration is a big problem, especially while she is taking any medicines which makes a chemical load for the body to remove with what little water there is. Dehydration can cause electrolyte imbalances even if there are no medicines causing confusion and even hallucinations. The brain needs water and is composed in large part of water. I would also maybe see if there are some natural juices that she might really enjoy freshly made with a juice freshly juiced grapes or apples with or without a squeeze of lemon tastes very good indeed like lemonaid. I would avoid some of the artificial drinks because of the additive content. I might also notify the health professional that she is not drinking and ask what to do. sjb

Last edited by sjb; 07-23-2012 at 05:57 AM. Reason: addition made

 
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