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Old 07-30-2012, 07:32 AM   #1
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I stuck to my guns

Thank you all so much for your support! I did it!! I stuck to my guns and told my SIL that I was no longer going to manage and take MIL and FIL to their appointments. She didnt respond to my text for a couple of days, but when she did, she asked for the appointment dates and times and said she would handle it. I gave them to her, feeling a great deal of relief!

When I told my MIL that her youngest daughter would be handling the appts now, she wasnt real thrilled...she feels bad because her daughter is "always busy" and doesnt want to burden her with it. I told MIL that it was time that some of the others pitched in..they can make the time. She did agree with that, so I think its all good.

You all here have been such a huge help to me, with your support and advice. I hope to someday be able to do the same for someone else! I am off to have my surgery tomorrow with one less thing to worry about!

Christine

 
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Old 07-30-2012, 07:35 AM   #2
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Re: I stuck to my guns

I am glad her younger daughter can help out! It is about time Mom admits that she needs more help. Maybe you can tell her that you and your husband are in trouble and need more help. In some culture, it is a must that adult kids help the elderly parents. There is nothing wrong. It is a moral issue that the kids should help the parents because the parents raised the kids and the adult kids need to show gratitude for that. I sure hope she will do the same when her husband may need to be place in a home. She needs to think of herself and her husband.

Hugs,
Nina

Last edited by ninamarc; 07-31-2012 at 07:17 AM.

 
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Old 07-30-2012, 05:45 PM   #3
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Re: I stuck to my guns

Chris... I am so glad you stuck to your guns I am also glad that your SIL stepped up and is going to take care of the appointments. I am sure MIL doesn't want to impose but you are right.. it is time for others to step up and help you. Hope your surgery goes well and you make a quick recovery. Please let us know that you are ok. Take care of yourself and let the other take care of MIL and FIL for a while....

Love, deb

 
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Old 07-31-2012, 05:25 AM   #4
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Re: I stuck to my guns

Good for you!!!!!!! Being a neophyte at this, I am also learning the many secrets of surviving the role of care giver, and one of them is to grow a thicker skin and assert thyself. Many kudos to the teachers in here.

Last edited by Luau; 07-31-2012 at 05:28 AM.

 
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Old 08-04-2012, 09:42 AM   #5
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Re: I stuck to my guns

Hello all! Yesterday was FIL's first doctor appointment on my SIL's watch. I sat back to see how it would all go, and I'm not surprised that the appointment never happened. SIL never called to remind FIL of his appointment and MIL wouldn't tell him because she didn't want to listen to him complain about it. So when SIL showed up he of course hadn't showered for weeks and refused to go. He thinks we are trying to put him in the hospital. So SIL told hubby that she didn't know she had to tell FIL about his appointments the day before. Of course she hasn't even seen or talked to him in two months....why should she call him and confirm his appointment with him?

Anyhow...my surgery went well and hubby is being awesome in taking care of me. I am a very independent person so its hard to have someone wait on me...but I know I need to rest and recuperate. I am a little hurt that the above mentioned SIL hasn't even called to see how I am doing. She and I used to be VERY close. Oh well life goes on'

Chris

 
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Old 08-04-2012, 09:59 AM   #6
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Re: I stuck to my guns

Quote:
Originally Posted by ChrisNY View Post
I am a little hurt that the above mentioned SIL hasn't even called to see how I am doing. She and I used to be VERY close. Oh well life goes on'

Chris
Dear Chris, glad the surgery went well. Happy recuperating! As for the above with your SIL, sometimes you just have to take a step backwards before you can have longer term gains. Let SIL fuddle a bit. As with everything in life, caregiving included, there is a learning curve for anyone attempting it. Sit back, recuperate, be pampered. Your FIL is no worse for wear just because he missed one doctor's appointment. You are more important right now.

 
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Old 08-04-2012, 12:15 PM   #7
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Re: I stuck to my guns

Chris I am happy your surgery went well, you are sticking to your guns, and your hubby is being so wonderful. Let it e that way for a while Yep, it is difficult to let others do for us doers but sometimes it is necessary. Enjoy it for a while, y ou have earned it.

As for SIL, nothing unexpected has happened so far. She is going to have a learning curve to figure out what she needs to do. Let her do it. Dealing with dementia does not come naturally! FIL missed an appointment.... it is not the end of the world. Let that be a learning lesson for SIL

As for her not "checking" on you... she is who she is. That is something you have to accept. You can not change her... all you can do is change your expectations. You are doing well and hubby is stepping up to meet your needs. Be happy!! It is when our expectations that lead to disappointments!

Love, deb

 
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Old 08-04-2012, 03:11 PM   #8
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Re: I stuck to my guns

.
It really doesn't bother me that FIL missed his apointment....I honestly don't see the point in him going every few months to his Pc. It only gts him all worked up and there's usually no change in anything. I knew that it would take SIL some time to get the routine down...she will learn, just as I have.

I am learning not to expect so much and appreciate more...that's been my mantra of late. It really does help prevent feeling let down. It just stings a little to feel like SIL doesn't care after ive had major surgery. Before all this happened with her dad, she and I always had each others backs. I am thrilled with my hubby and my recovery so far. Our 23rd wedding anniversary is in a week and I'm hoping I will feel well enough to go out for a little while. If not, there's always the next 23 years

Hope everyone is well!

 
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Old 08-04-2012, 05:07 PM   #9
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Re: I stuck to my guns

I am with you on the appointments just for the sake of appointments. They say come and we go Then it's between those visits that something truly happens. SIL will figure it out.

I do understand your feelings about your SIL. We wonder why. It's more a questioning than a downer. This disease does tend to tear families apart. If we can't all be on the same page (and that rarely happens) then the emotional turmoil tears us apart. I should have I could have I would have or you should have you could have you would have... and when you do that times the number of people in most families... that's a lot of tension. Not only is there emotions related to what others do but also about what we do. We measure up others and ourselves in a situation where there are no winners. I pat my self on the back from time to time and get over what other's miss

You are doing well and that is what matters most I do hope you feel well enough to go out for a while... if not order take out and light a candle!! Happy anniversary to you

Love, deb

 
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