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Old 08-13-2012, 12:50 PM   #1
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Unhappy True confessions

Okay, I'm being a pretty awesome in-home caregiver, if I do say so myself! But...

My "Achilles’ heel" is when my poor mother, who is 93 1/2, blind, deaf, with heart and kidney failure (both stable), on a JPEG tube, and with dementia from a brain injury a few years ago on top of some vascular dementia, calls me during the night.

Now, I love me some sleep! And I can be a BEAR when you wake me up. But I've managed to remind myself (so far) that she can't help it if she has to go to the bathroom several times a night and needs my assistance with that. I understand and hold my tongue and pop her back in bed as soon as possible.

BUT...

When she calls out my name (and calls and calls) that third or fourth time in one night, and I haul my bearish butt out of bed and over to her bedside, and I ask what she needs... And she asks, "What time is it?" I admit I lose it...

"OH MY GOD; DON'T DO THAT!!! DON'T GET ME UP TO ASK ME THE TIME!!!"

Usually she just goes back to sleep and so do I (we're Italian; we're loud), but last night she started crying and said, "This is too much work for you." OMG; talk about guilt... I said, "It's a lot of work, but you're worth it. But DON'T EVER DO THAT AGAY-UN!" She's beyond big numbers/talking clocks.

So, you see, even saints have their breaking points, and getting me out of my soft,warm bed for the FOURTH time in one night (at 5:30 a.m. when the alarm is set for 8:30) for nothing is mine. Now you know I'm not perfect...

I really do feel awful!!!

Last edited by all4mom; 08-13-2012 at 01:20 PM.

 
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Old 08-13-2012, 03:45 PM   #2
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Re: True confessions

But, the Saints (you) always go to them when Ma (or Dad) calls...

Mine are gone now, but I can still hear them calling me...

None of us are perfect, but I think that we are sure close to perfect sometimes...

You are doing good.

 
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Old 08-13-2012, 11:10 PM   #3
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Re: True confessions

We all need sleep All... long uninterrupted REM sleep to renew our body and spirit. If you are getting up several times a night you are not getting the sleep you need. Yes, you are going to be bearish and more so as time goes on. Even the most amazing care givers wear out eventually. Telling Mom not to do that is like talking to the lamp post Might make you feel better in the moment but does nothing to change Mom's behavior. She wakes up, wonders what time it is, yells for you to give her that information.... and has absolutely no ability understand or empathize with what you are going through. Even if your displeasure registers in the moment it is forgotten quickly. I do hope you will be able to get some uninterrupted sleep... even if you have to find somebody that looks like you to answer her time questions for a night or two Hang in there !! Yep, Mom has your number hehe

Love, deb

 
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Old 08-14-2012, 10:25 AM   #4
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Re: True confessions

I actually asked the caregiving agency we're using about that; their policy is: must provide a bed and guarantee no more than TWO "disruptions" per night. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...

 
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Old 08-14-2012, 03:01 PM   #5
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Re: True confessions

You have got to be kidding All... a bed and no more than 2 interruptions? Are they spending the night or working a third shift care job. The night care givers I have dealt with would get fired if they slept through the night even if your patient did. You are NOT paying somebody to sleep. In my book... 3rd shift is just another shift and they are expected to give the same care as any other shift... and that includes staying awake I would be checking out something different for third shift care.....

Love, deb

 
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Old 08-14-2012, 03:10 PM   #6
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Re: True confessions

And why shouldn't I pay someone to sleep? Already I pay someone to watch TV! LOL Gotta love it; I'm definitely in the wrong business... But I AM very fortunate to have found two ladies -- one for the work week hours and another for a few on the weekends -- who are kind AND competent and who can "take" Mom and whom Mom can "take." Hooray!

I AM working on an overnight away for respite (will have a friend who's an RN come in to do her meds/tube feedings), hence my questioning the agency about the 24-hour shift...

 
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Old 08-14-2012, 03:26 PM   #7
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Re: True confessions

Apparently they have two classifications; one is termed a "long night," in which they stay awake, and the other is apparently part of a 24-hour shift (???). I guess every night is a long night for me! But that did give me a chuckle... Sorry, hon; can't "guarantee" that...

 
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Old 08-14-2012, 03:30 PM   #8
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Re: True confessions

And why shouldn't I pay someone to sleep? Already I pay someone to watch TV! LOL Gotta love it; I'm definitely in the wrong business... But I AM very fortunate to have found two ladies -- one for the work week hours and another for a few on the weekends -- who are kind AND competent and who can "take" Mom and whom Mom can "take." Hooray!

I AM working on an overnight away for respite (will have a friend who's an RN come in to do her meds/tube feedings), hence my questioning the agency about the 24-hour shift...

 
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Old 08-14-2012, 04:52 PM   #9
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Re: True confessions

I actually get it. If there is nothing productive to be done I don't mind them occupying their down time but not at the expense of Mom's. Finding the right person can be a chore but when you get that person they are a treasure. Keep searching because the good ones are out there... that don't read, watch TV, and sleep all the time

Love, deb

 
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Old 08-15-2012, 02:05 PM   #10
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Re: True confessions

My mom basically has to be attended to every waking moment; if someone isn't literally sitting there with her, she actually panics and starts the screaming-at-the-top-of-her-lungs thing (which I fear will one day attract the cops or APS). You can see why the rehab was such a FAIL! The only time even I can do chores is when she's asleep, so obviously I want any paid caregiver to be attending to her, not messing up my systems.

 
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