A very wise woman recently told me "only expect demented behavior from a demented mind" and it rang so true last night!!!
Mom went to get her bath without me telling her and she decided she would wash her hair, which was fine by me.
Later on, I walked past her room and she had the white wet towel that she used draped around the new HD TV that I just brought from the other house. Needless to say, I blew a small gasket :| I just couldn't believe what I was seeing when I noticed it there. OMG.
Tonight we were cooking steaks outside and I let her water my watermellon garden with the hose. She likes watering stuff but drowns my potted plants. Half of the dirt is out on the concrete! Then when she followed me in (I had a plate of grilled shrimp) she fell coming in the glass door. We have it set to slam shut rather quickly so a cat won't slip out. She wasn't hurt and I will watch for that next time she goes out in the back...
Yep, it all sounds about right to me. She needed somewhere to put the towel... and that big black box was right there. I get it! You just walked through the door so why can't she? She concentrates on putting water on the plants and pays no attention to the dirt. You did right by giving her something to water she can't drown or wash out the dirt. Good job of modifying what she enjoys to fit her abilities. If you have the urge to say be careful.... don't let her do it!
Now work on expecting the demented behavior and give up the yelling at her. Even if they have a tendency to not comprehend all that comes their way and forget some of what they do comprehend... there is still what I call the "negative imprint" that can linger. They may not remember what you said, how you said it, when you said it... but they will remember how it made them feel.
You are extremely lucky that your Mom is so sweet and docile. I could only wish for the same Count your blessings and let the other stuff go. Look at the contentment in your Mom's face and know you are blessed. TV's can be replaced but that look is a one of a kind!
Yes, I will count my blessings that my Mom is so sweet and docile. It would be WWII around here each day if not. She is so sweet and docile that she wants to hug everybody. This can get embarrassing....she hugs the manacurist, the eye glass lady, salespeople in stores, the dentist and she hugged the manager of the Mexican restaurant we went to the other afternoon! She'd only seen him once before. I looked back and he was all red :| I just thought OMG.
WOW! My Mom would be the one cursing because something minor and probably imaginary was wrong. Hugs are not an OMG moment but an OHS (Oh how sweet) moment Many times it is not what happens... but what we think about it that makes the different. There are no enough hugs in this world
Rose, you know, when my FIL was still sort of on his own in 2004-2007, he watered his plants. The first 2 years he was doing well. Later the plant on the table died. The other plant that was hanging on the wall, he watered the vine, not the pot! He made it all wet all over thinking the stem/branch needed to be watered a lot. A lot. Not just spray over the branches. He told me the plant will die if he does not do that. He blamed me for not doing that part. (Just water the pot is enough but he wanted to wet the whole vine...) The home care nurse put away the vine in a way that he would not do it again because he was drowning that area and the caregiver needed to dry it a lot.
Later on he no longer cared. So the plants didn't really last because the caregivers didn't have time to water them well. Anyway, your Mom now waters it too much. Same idea. Enjoy it while she can still do some stuff on her own.
Getting up during "Cat From Hell" and closing the blinds, lol... Try to see the humor in these episodes, if you can; it can get rather surreal! I would say the most difficult part of my journey with Mom was just about a year ago; she had been, um, hard to deal with for years before that (first vascular dementia, then a head injury in the frontotemporal region, so mostly mood/behavior symptoms), but the worst part was a year ago, when she was still mobile enough to wander around in the middle of the night yelling my name and threatening to climb (and no doubt fall down) the stairs, turning the light switch on and off, on and off, on and off until I finally had to unscrew the bulb! In many ways, it's sad to say, the sicker and more infirm she gets, the easier the job of caring for her becomes. Although again last night she managed to get my goat by calling and calling until I was up and out of bed and standing by her side, only to have her ask me, "Are you in bed?" Sometimes you can't help loosing your cool, but they know we love them.
The following user gives a hug of support to all4mom: 2rose17 (09-07-2012)
Well Mom went to her sisters for a few days. It is the first time she's been gone from here in 3 months. I felt really relaxed lastnight once I got home from taking her there. Tonight I've got my radio playing and NO TV! My TV is grateful for the rest.
Before we went to my aunts, I got her teeth cleaned and a haircut. Monday she goes to the Optalmaligist for a Macular Degeneration check up.
Hopefully she is having a nice time. She will get to go to church tomorrow night.
That is what a respite does for you. Hopefully she will have a good visit and you will have time to relax physically and mentally for a while. Everybody needs a break once in a while and why I always encourage every care giver to find help on a regular basis to give them those breaks that they need. Enjoy every minute
Things have been going pretty good with Mom. She has trouble with our remote control as it's "different". I either have to leave the tv on when I leave for work or she has to wait until my husband gets up which could be 11am as he works nights. Sometimes she lays in bed until then. Today I was off and decided to go to the pool. I layed the remote by where she sits on the couch and put a sticky note on it pointing to the green power button with instruction.....much to my amazement, when I returned from the pool, the tv was on!!! She can follow instruction- sometimes....
I left her to visit with an elderly friend of mine (83) who still lives by herself, while I ran to Sam's Club. I was only gone 30 minutes or so. They apparently had a great time chatting (83 yr old probably did most of the talking!) while I was gone yesterday.
Finally got the rest of her things, including her bed from the other house. She is happy to have a big bed (which is new) to sleep on. All in all, it's quieted down and things are running as smoothly as can be expected
I think it helps if she can be shown the fixed way to turn up/down the volume or turn it on and off. For sure she would not know how to change channels later. You may want to set it at a good channel for a long while soe she can watch it. (Say Animal Planet or History or Cartoons.) Gradually she will not know how to use the remote control. It will come down to simple buttons first.
2rose.. .there are good days and not so good day which comes and go. One day they will do ok and the next day is total confusions. That is the roller coaster of early to mid stage dementia. Today the note will work and tomorrow she will not be able to understand the note or what that black box is. I am glad you had such a good day and I do hope it continues. Just be prepared for those other days. Know that routine is your Mom's friend. It sill help her stay as stable as possible. Just be alert to what is next... and enjoy the good days with her.
Count your blessings and let the other stuff go. Look at the contentment in your Mom's face and know you are blessed. TV's can be replaced but that look is a one of a kind!
