Some just don't get it Cyrisse. Obviously your hubby is one. You can not expect normal behavior from a person with dementia than you can expect someone to walk with a broken leg. But some expect just that. I bet he is also stiff and intolerant of others as well. Guess we can no more expect him to empathize than we can expect your Aunt to be rational. My hubby doesn't get it but he has learned to stay OUT of it.
Mom was the night wanderer as well. She would walk up to 20 hours a day with a few hours in bed and a few cat naps during the day. She was on other sleep aids that didn't work and left her groggy. I started giving her Melatonin at bedtime. It took a while, but it has done the trick. She started sleeping all night (6-8 hours)... with one trip to the bathroom. She has gotten her dosage at bedtime every night since. The best benefit is that she doesn't wake up with the sleep hang over that many medications can give. I read information that Melatonin (naturally occurring in all of us) decreases as we grow older and is further decreased in dementia patients. So I just upped her levels and walla. It doesn't work for everybody but it might be worth a try.
Mom has not been on any dementia medications for years. She has weight loss, agitation, confusion... wait I thought it was supposed to help that! Honestly she has been much better since she went off the medication. You are right that nothing is going to make it better. The medications that are on the market do nothing more than slow the progress in a few for a short time. In the late stages... do you truly want to slow it down... but the medication has probably surpassed it's effectiveness anyway.
I am sure you will do the best you can for her and I do hope you find some help to give yourself a break. I also understand exactly how you feel in wishing for an end... for her and for you. I don't consider it an awful thing to say. It is as much for her (if not more so) as it is for yourself. It is the truth and a reality we all deal with eventually. We will take care of them every minute they are here and do the best we can to make sure they get the best care possible... but we do not wish for it to last any longer than necessary! Nothing awful there
Hang in there.... and know you can always come here