Ditto for my wife's anger fits as well. I began to suspect something was wrong when she started to have more hissy fits but she began to stop apologizing or recognizing the inappropriateness of her response. Over time, the hissy fits grew more frequent, the triggers more obscure, and apologies fewer and further apart. Nowadays, she almost never apologizes. Yes, her modus operandi is to go into her room and sulk for the balance of the night. Then she would emerge as if nothing has happened.
This sort of antic used to bother me greatly. Nowadays, it hardly bothers me, except for the really outrageous ones. I don't know if I have stopped caring as much, or perhaps I am too burnt out from all of the stuff coming my way incessantly, or if I am really learning to deal with them better. I suspect it is a mixture of the three.
Deenie, again I am sorry this is happening to you, and also for my question, which undoubtedly stir up a tender spot for you.
At least for me, tolerance came with understanding. Once I was able to understand that their brains are incapable of comprehending the world as I know it, that they are no longer equipped with the cognitive ability to cope with what is in their brain, that they truly do not remember what happened earlier, that it is not intentional but in response to the confusion and a lack of ability to deal... I began to have more tolerance. Once I figured out that it was not what they were doing but how I internalized it... I learned to look at it differently. Once I knew that Mom and Dad were suffering from not just memory loss but brain damage caused by a progressive disease which had not cure and no effective treatment.... I had to look at their antics a bit differently than I would a normal person. That was when I figured out that I could do this!
No, your question regarding aftermath of temper explosion did not upset me at all because I know that moment made me realize he needed more help than I could give and we went to see a Neurologist.
He was given Seroquel which in my opinion, has been a miracle drug for him. He has calmed down so much and he tells me he is much more calm in his mind. He is not as nervous although his hands still shake quiet a bit. He talks to me more and acts more "normal" during the day. He is still on the smallest mg of Seroquel the doctor said he could give him and I don't think it needs to be increased at this time.
Our life at this moment is as retired people in our age group should be, with a few exceptions, quiet, peaceful, going out to eat, etc. We have made a few changes like only going to buffets as he cannot order from a menu, choosing what to order makes him too nervous and at buffets I walk with him because he looses his way back to our table but at least it gets us out of the house. We live in the south, near FL so stay indoors in AC most of the time so any excuse to get out is good.
Luau, for me, it was not easy. It depends on the reason of the outburst. if it is nonsenses and far from the truth, I could just leave it be and ignore it. This also includes my late FIL's requests. Not just his anger or outburst. Once he watched the TV and found some defected pig with 2 noses. He told us right away to hurry up and write a paper on it! He didn't know he was wrong. He was only shy about telling us this "news" but never admitted he was confused by the pig (he only did cats at work.) I walked away and he would forget about it later.
When he was angry about the wills (accused my husband for changing the wills), my husband was very angry about that (it was early in 2005.) We had to sit down to try to explain to him saying money was all his for now given that his late wife just passed away.
It is hard to ignore it if it is really very serious and accusing. I don't think you stop caring. You just have to guard youself and not to be too emotional about it.
Deb is very tolerant. I am not a person who can swallow anger or accusation peacefully. I don't eat a lot when I am stressed. I express it or deal with it. So it depends on the issues. It is not easy.
Deene, I am glad you can still go out to eat with your husband. Later on, he may have trouble with too many choices but for now buffet is fine. If he does not mind it, you can also order for him from the menu in a restaurant. My sister does that for my Mom who has eye problem. Sounds good that you still have the same retired life style. Cherish it and I hope he won't get worse any time sooner.
Yes, I am very tolerant but with limits. I do differentiate between situations based on cause. I can't be angry and upset with someone with dementia that does something because of the confusion that they can not control. They have brain damage and expecting them to react normally is like asking someone with a broken leg to walk. That would be counterproductive. I also know my reaction can escalate or deescalate the situation quickly. I am the one that can control my emotions and reactions I am the one with the cognitive awareness and ability to change the situation.
Dee, I am so glad the Seroquil worked for your husband. Finding the right medication can change life totally. You are lucky that you found the right medication so quickly. I am happy for you both!
The buffet is a great idea!! That takes the menu out of the equation and gives him a visual to go by. Showing is so much better than telling or reading since the visual perceptions hang around longer than other abilities. Even though Mom can not walk or talk any more... she can point to a plate when offered a choice. Most of the time she will chose what I know she loves. She can still tell a shrimp (her favorite) from a piece of chicken! She also knows when they put that dessert down on the table and stops eating her meal. It is good to get him out in a situation he can still enjoy.... and it's good for you as well!