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Old 10-18-2012, 01:27 PM   #1
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Red face HI Again...........anyone ...

Have a first alert system for there parent with dementia that lives at home? MY MIL has one she wears on her wrist, she has COPD, my mom has early/mid stage dementia.

Anyone know of a good system? I would feel so much better on her welfare til if and when she will no longer be able to live at home.........

 
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Old 10-18-2012, 07:21 PM   #2
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Re: HI Again...........anyone ...

If you are talking about lifeline with the thing around the neck or the wrist at home, it is quite common. The problem is if she knows when is the right time to press the button.
My late FIL had one lifeline system back home in his own house. The first year it seemed to work. When he got sicker next year, he was confused with the function of the lifeline and his button around his neck. He has no idea how far it will work and why it is needed. One time he pressed it in the backyard before he was going out with the caregiver to see his friend. Guess what - he should not have pressed it. He thought he pressed it for testing. Well! The police came when he left the house! No one was home so the police broke down the back door trying to find the guy who pressed the button. When my late FIL came home, they found the 911 people in the house... The lifeline button only works in the house and backyard. It does not work in a friend's house and my late FIL thought it would have worked in his friend's house and he tested it in the yard before he left...
The caregiver didn't realize it and didn't hear the call from the machine in the house after this test so she had no clues what was going on.
From then on, we realized the lifeline didn't work for him anymore. He had no idea when to use it and even used it at the wrong time. Once you press the button for real, 911 is called automatically...

In the nursing home, there is a lifeline next to the bed or the toilet so the resident can call for the caregivers to help. But that one is stuck to the wall and the person cannot carry it around.

To be honest, for demented person in moderate stage, the lifeline button only works with limited situations. It depends on her understanding of the button on her wrist.

If you are talking about some tracking system that some special companies may have, then you could call Alzheimer's Association to check them out. My late FIL never used this kind of tracking device. I heard that there are some good ones. But it is for prevention of wandering and getting lost. Some areas may not have these things. It is some device that can cover for some long distances. You can try to search for it online.

Hugs,
Nina

Last edited by ninamarc; 10-18-2012 at 07:35 PM.

 
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Old 10-18-2012, 09:04 PM   #3
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Re: HI Again...........anyone ...

There are several different medical alert pendants or bracelets that can be purchased and monitored in different ways. I never used one with my parents. Dad had a wonder guard in AL which sounded an alarm and locked the doors when he attempted to exit unless a number was punched into a key pad... but that is a different system. They do use a call system consisting of a medical alert pendant at the facility Mom is in. The only concern I have is what I have seen there... many with even mid stage dementia do not remember to push the button when they need help. In a crisis situation their impaired cognition is even more impaired and the pendant is not even thought about. They do what we would do, try to get up, crawl for help, yell.... but those with moderate dementia rarely push that button. It is new technology that they are not accustom to in their long term memory so they do not understand when and how to use it.

Love, deb

 
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Old 10-19-2012, 06:46 AM   #4
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Re: HI Again...........anyone ...

Thank you.

Yes, this is my thought too. She will either not like it, take it off, or forget to put it on, which myself or sister would have to do.

Then I would be afriad she would push it on accident or like you said test it, and OMG, the police would be at our house everyday...........errrrrrrrrrrrrr...... ...

Thought that would be a good though. She can talk, most the time understand you and still eats well, but short term is just about gone........

 
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Old 10-19-2012, 06:51 AM   #5
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Re: HI Again...........anyone ...

This is what I was afraid of..........errrrrrrrrrrr..............

I just need to figure out what to do next, while she is still about to live at home. She is killing me ove getting a caregiver, but in due time will have no choice I guess.

 
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Old 10-19-2012, 07:46 AM   #6
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Re: HI Again...........anyone ...

To be honest, in the mid stages of dementia, there is no safe way to leave a loved one at home alone. Their inabilities can get them in trouble in a flash. Even a few hours can turn into a crisis. I tried it for a while and have so many scary stories. That is why I tend to warn... been there done that. Yes, I wanted Mom and Dad to be at home but I realized that was a wish that couldn't be true. If I couldn't wish away the dementia... I could not have them alone without fear of what might happen... and did happen

At some point you have to do what is needed not what we wish and want....

Love, deb

 
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Old 10-19-2012, 08:00 AM   #7
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Re: HI Again...........anyone ...

Very true............I wish my family would work more with me on mom's situtation. We all used to be somewhat close but now it is like nobody has any gumpshun.

It is just me and my sister and she wants to sugar coat everything. My older brother just gives advise, but NEVER COMES around and he only lives about an hour away, but his job brings him here allot and that anger's me so bad. He used to be such the mommy's boy til he got married, now he barly exist.

It is hard..........

 
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Old 10-19-2012, 09:29 AM   #8
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Re: HI Again...........anyone ...

I think in a way the big brother probably cannot help in terms of caregiving. Indeed he is probably running away from it. Your sister tries to think positively and may ignore what is going on with Mom. Well, this is normal because in the beginning, no one understands dementia until you see in your own eyes about what is happening. I actually spent at least 5 or 6 years witnessing my late FIL's abnormal thinking and logic. It was a long time. It is not easy. Somehow when it comes to caregiving, the demented person fixes on one person and depends on the person. So your Mom can depend on you as POA and relies on you about caregiving and any decision such as NH and etc. At this point, unless big brother can offer money, he is not useful for caregiveing. Of course it would help if he can see Mom often...
At least your sister is there with you. Time will tell. Once Mom gets into some crazy episodes, you will know. We went through the same thing from being surprised to realizing this is part of dementia.

Take care,
Nina

Last edited by ninamarc; 10-19-2012 at 09:30 AM.

 
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Old 10-19-2012, 10:49 AM   #9
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Re: HI Again...........anyone ...

I so much appreicate this board and YOU. I have a long jouney ahead of me and happy I have you all as a family that have either been through it or going this is horrid illness.

I could not do this alone

 
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Old 10-19-2012, 03:18 PM   #10
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Re: HI Again...........anyone ...

Remember that you can not control the way others respond to any situation. You can not control what they do and do not do. The only thing you can control is how you let their actions affect you. They will do what they are going to do.... and you can let it negatively affect you or you can brush it off and stay positive. Deal with what you can control

Yes it is a shame when family members do not step up and do what they should. There can be many reasons why they chose not to. Some literally can't deal with it. Some don't want to deal with it. Some just don't get it or understand what they should be doing. What you need to do is keep informing them of what needs to be done and about the disease itself. But don't take it personally when they don't fall into line. That is their choice! You just keep doing what you need to do. You will figure out a way to make it happen despite them. If you take the initiative, they may well let you do it. They may balk or complain or whine... but keep marching onward. They are trying to justify their own choices. You do not need to validate them... just get what Mom needs

Love, deb

 
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Old 10-20-2012, 05:02 AM   #11
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Re: HI Again...........anyone ...

Thank you, I needed that. Very well said.

I am so thankful I just can't say it enough. My FIL passed away in Nov of 2011 of Cancer, and I was taking care of him and my mom too. I hate seeing these dreadful illness in our loved ones.

I need to get a darn backbone and quite being such a child. But I have a heart of gold like my mom and some just like to take advantage of that, this I HAVE LEARNED.

I have turned so many of my friends on to this board, for it has truely helped me keep some what sanity I have left...........lol.

Thank you so much..........

Love to all.
Donna

Last edited by himmylover; 10-20-2012 at 10:05 AM.

 
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Old 10-20-2012, 06:41 AM   #12
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Re: HI Again...........anyone ...

I get it Donna... the very caring compassion that makes us excellent care givers also hinders when it comes to working with others that do not understand the disease. They will take advantage and we tend to let them. Then we are the ones that get annoyed, angry, guilty, frustrated... and they are wandering around in oblivion. That is why I say you can't let their actions determine your mental well being

I think you said it when when you said we have to stop being the child. But that is what we have grown up being. That is our place in the social order. That is who we are. So don't beat up on yourself too much because you are what you are supposed to be. Yep, this disease turns everything upside down. Roll reversal is not easy. Learning to put aside what Mom or Dad tells you to do in order to do what they need is not easy. Standing up to older siblings you looked up to before or younger siblings you took care of before is not easy. Knowing when to stand tall and when to just work around them is not easy. So give yourself some slack. If your best friend was going through what you are... what would you say to them. Say that to yourself. We tend to be harder on ourselves than anybody else in our lives.

Hang in there... and start investigating different options for Mom... and your brother if necessary

Love, deb

 
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Old 10-20-2012, 10:08 AM   #13
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Re: HI Again...........anyone ...

Thank you!

You are a great mentor.........love that so much.......

 
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