Mitsy, I did read your post and hear your warning... and hope that others will take what you have said to heart.
Yes, it is possible to keep a loved one at home but you have to have adequate and sufficient help to attend to her needs. You have to have someone that is capable of doing what needs to be done and not just leave her laying! What a horrible situation for your MIL to remain on the floor for that long. Even if she is resisting, probably because she is fearful and doesn't understand what is going on, she does not need to stay on the floor. Why did the care giver not call 911 if she could not handle the situation. Obviously MIL's behavior is deteriorating along with her physical and mental abilities. Not to mention that she is a fall risk.
Declarations that we will "keep Mom at home no matter what, until she dies" is irrational at best. In this disease it is wishful thinking and rarely happens except in the very best of situations with plenty of qualified outside help. Patient behavior is a important component. With a cooperative attitude it is easier to keep Mom at home. If she will follow direction or not resist help then you can do what needs to be done. If they are combative, paranoid, or resistant then it is difficult to help them. Behavior is the number one reason those with dementia are moved to in facility care. Then there are the physical needs. If they are a fall risk you have to be on alert at all times to potential falls. It is almost impossible to watch them every minute of every day. Sleep is not optional and if the care giver is cleaning, doing laundry, preparing meals, and other things that need to be done then falls are more likely to happen. You also have toileting, showering, and other personal care. Combativeness makes these difficult at best. And you have medical concerns. Without professionals that can go in house you have to transport for medical care and you have no one to make proper assessments of health concerns. Knowledge of every aspect of this disease is rare.
So are you doing what is best for Mom by keeping her at home? Even though you have handled the situation up until now, has the deterioration of her condition brought you to a point where keeping Mom at home is no longer feasible. Many do not even want to ask themselves these questions because they feel guilty and as if they are a failure if they place Mom in a facility. I would say to them that neither is the case. Dementia is an ever changing disease. You have to reassess the situation constantly. You have to be willing to change directions as the disease changes. There is no failure in doing what is best for Mom in the moment.... even if that is admitting that you can't handle the situation alone. Guilt should only apply when you do not do what is best for Mom.... and sometimes that is placing her in a care facility. Sometimes it is financial but there is help available as long as you are not holding Mom hostage for her money. We just need to be willing to reassess our decisions when the time comes and make a new decision based on Mom's best interest
So hopefully your venting has been helpful to someone else that is battling with these same feelings of dread while trying to hang on to old decisions that no longer fit the situation