Hey, Deb. I took another minute to re-read and make notes on your great suggestions and explanations. Thank you so much for listing all this out for me. I am, as I said, overwhelmed, and feel inadequate. But I will make my lists and just plunge ahead. I come from a line of strong pioneers, so I will draw on that part of my heritage!
I am so sorry to hear of how you dealt with both your mom and dad at the same time, not even being able to tell your mom about your dad's passing. What a difficult time in your life that was. You have been gracious to use the things you learned to help others, though. It looks like you have helped many with your numerous posts since 2007. I am certainly one of the grateful ones who has already benefited from your experience.
I will pursue the information you have given me, and continue to learn how to deal with my husband in the least intrusive way. I like the "don't poke the bear" saying. That's what we way around our house now!
Thank you, Judy, too for your helpful explanation of what you have been through yourself. It has helped me go through difficult days, knowing that this is just a part of something that is bigger than myself, and others have been through much worse. And they are the ones helping me! What a blessing to have your words of encouragement and wisdom to keep my thinking in the right direction. I was glad to hear that you did sometimes want to scream! That is what I feel on some days. Fortunately, my daughter will listen if we go somewhere together, and let me vent my feelings. Then I can go back and start again!
Laura, any outlet to frustration is a plus. Bless your daughter for being there for you And now you have all of us here. Yes we have all been right where you are. This is so overwhelming when you are first confronted with what to do and how to do it. Keep reaching out for information, gather all you can, use what you need, and fit it to your situation. Each situation is different but something you gather will help you go forward. And know you can always vent here... we do get it! I am not sure it gets any easier... we just get better at dealing with what we have to do
Love, deb
The following user gives a hug of support to Gabriel: TurksMom (11-27-2012)
The Following User Says Thank You to Gabriel For This Useful Post: TurksMom (11-27-2012)
Thank you. I do see that I can't hope for this to go away, but I can learn how to cope. It is so nice to know that you don't mind if I just tell you what a bad day I had. Thanks for being there and for caring for a stranger!
Ok, Deb. I started on a little thing. I got myself a little book to write notes in about the good/bad days. And we picked out a dry-erase calendar that we can color the dates onto, and make very bright and cheerful. That seems like a great idea. We're just thinking we'll accidentally leave off the doctor visits! But all other important things to remember will be on there, and perhaps it will help with remembering what day it is, too.
Laura, I don't consider anybody a stranger. They are fellow travelers on this journey that none of us want to be on. We help each other, especially on the bad days. We all have bad days and a place to let go of the angst is exactly what is needed.
My journal is my forever companion. Actually I do mine on a calendar. I have a dozen in my drawer over there. Nobody else could probably read it because so much is abbreviations and cryptic notes but I know what it says. BD in the top right corner is Bad Day!
It will not take long to figure out what to put on the calendar. Those things he obsesses about should be left off.... such as the doctor visits. You do need to indicate what day today is. Making off the past days might help with that. If that doesn't work there are many more ideas to try. We finally went to a tear off calendar with Mom and Dad. The care giver would tear off the previous day each morning. Important dates for that day were on the calendar. That way no pre thinking before it was time but reminders on the right day!.
And now you have all of us here. Yes we have all been right where you are. This is so overwhelming when you are first confronted with what to do and how to do it. Keep reaching out for information, gather all you can, use what you need, and fit it to your situation. Each situation is different but something you gather will help you go forward. And know you can always vent here... we do get it! I am not sure it gets any easier... we just get better at dealing with what we have to do 
