Bless you Mitsy. I can tell that you are frustrated. I know I would be.
If they are using the Hospice doctor then he will be able to tweak the medications. Having multiple doctors involved only complicates the situation. Your MIL may respond better to a different medication. They also need to make sure that her agitation is not a result of pain. If it is, then the treatment is different. To make the decision, she needs a good assessment by a nurse/doctor with good information about her symptoms.
As for the catheter... my first response is NO NO NO NO NO NO NO! If it is for convenience then it is not warranted. Sure it is easier for the care giver to change a bag instead of changing diapers but there are also dangers and side effects to worry with. Infection is common with catheters. My grandmother contracted sepsis from a catheter insertion. Yes, your MIL may try to pull it out and it also makes it more difficult to move her. Not to mention it is uncomfortable which may add to her agitation. If there is a legitimate medical reason for a catheter that is one thing... but if it is for convenience then it is going too far to make life easier for the care givers.
Making the necessary advanced funeral arrangement is not wishing her dead. It is being responsible. It is being prepared. MIL is approaching the end of a long journey thought a terminal illness. She is not going to get well or even better. Why wait until after the fact, when everybody is distraught, to make such important decisions. Tell your hubby to ask the Hospice Social Worker to call a meeting of all the siblings and let the social worker address the need for such arrangements. That way it is not the suggestion of a family member but a request from Hospice. Yes, I had Mom's funeral plans completed before the day she died. The obituary was written, her outfit picked out, the casket and vault chosen, and the services planned. Then when the day came we just put the plans in place. It took a lot of stress off the family.
Keep venting... I understand your frustration and venting does help. Hopefully, with enough encouragement, hubby will step up and some of these issues will be resolved. Keep working on him and the other family members. You are doing a good thing advocating for you MIL's good treatment