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Old 02-21-2013, 02:35 PM   #1
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Latest update on Mom

My sister bought a bar, to help mom get out of her bed. Apparently, one day she found Mom crying, because she couldn't get up. Mom had a fit about the bar, because she said it made the bed look like a baby bed. Long story short, I told my sister that she did not have to have Mom live with her if Mom was going to be difficult. I told her it was unfair to expose her husband to mom's difficult behavior. I said we could find a place to move mom to. My sister insisted that it wasn't that bad, and they still wanted mom to stay with them, as long as she was able to care for her. We also joked (as we have even before Mom was diagnosed) that Mom would get thrown out of a nursing home.

So, my sister knows she has options that I fully support. The only thing is, she would lose $2000/mo income and have to find a job!

 
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Old 02-21-2013, 06:58 PM   #2
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Re: Latest update on Mom

Linda, you have given your sister her options and you are not standing in her way of getting the additional help. That is all you can do. If she is willing to do this, and if Mom is well cared for, then it is up to sister to decide what she can and can not do. You have done what you can and now just let it be... she will figure out when she can not do it any more.

Love, deb

 
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Old 02-22-2013, 06:42 AM   #3
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Re: Latest update on Mom

Quote:
Originally Posted by Gabriel View Post
Linda, you have given your sister her options and you are not standing in her way of getting the additional help. That is all you can do. If she is willing to do this, and if Mom is well cared for, then it is up to sister to decide what she can and can not do. You have done what you can and now just let it be... she will figure out when she can not do it any more.

Love, deb
I just wanted you guys to know that I'm "cooperating" in the decisions about mom's care. For a while, I was thinking some of you thought I was foisting Mom on my sister. I know it appeared that way at times. I seriously don't want their lives ruined because of mom. Now the ball is in their court. I am just so blessed and lucky---mom is, too. She knows it during her lucid moments as I tell her every day!! I also have to remind her to be "good", as my sister deserves to be treated with kindness all the time,for agreeing to take mom in. What is funny is that mom knows she isn't able to live alone, but she keeps telling me how good her memory is. Then, at times she gets frustrated because she knows she can't keep things straight. The "system" better get serious about coming up with a way to combat this disease, because there will be an epidemic soon. I know VERY few people whose parents are normal in the end.

 
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Old 02-22-2013, 08:41 AM   #4
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Re: Latest update on Mom

you are doing what is right... giving your sister (who is willing to keep Mom) options and choices. All you can do is support her and back her choices since she is the one doing it.

When you described what your Mom is doing, I recognized these behaviors. We have to remember that this disease ebbs and flows along with good days and not so good days. One day they are completely confused but say they are fine. The next day they are more cognitively aware but that brings on recognition that there is something wrong. They may say they understand when they have no clue what you are saying. Many times they will just give you a generic answer to make the confusing moment go away. Their brain has lost the ability to understand how others feel. If you do something for them, they respond from their self centered point of view. They can not put themselves in your shoes to understand your sacrifice. Therefore you do not get gratitude. Then the next day they are happy you are there and so very thankful. It's that roller coaster that gives you the sense that they are playing or pretending.

I agree that the system needs to find a cure, or prevention, or at least a way to make it better. If not that they have to do a better job of determining how to take care of these people. This is already becoming an epidemic and only promises to get worst as the baby boomers mature. There also needs to be awareness of this disease. There is still a stigma attached. Recently I even had somebody tell me it was a mental illness. There are very few Medicare facilities that specialize in dementia care. Private pay care is expensive to the tune of $5,000 to $7,000 a month. Diagnosis is difficult at best and hospitals do not know how to deal with dementia. In the mean time we each struggle as an individual care giver to figure out how to proceed with little to no help.... and it is the care givers and our loved ones that are paying the ultimate price. Yes, we do need a huge breakthrough

Love, deb

 
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Old 02-22-2013, 11:20 AM   #5
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Re: Latest update on Mom

I really think the system today has enough trouble for everyone. Last night I saw a TV program that indicates that the medical supplier are selling a lot of their stuff to the congress and hospital. The hospitals are actually selling the stuff to the patients without being told. It is becoming business to these people and the patients are not the first priority. It is like if I do good deeds, I need to get paid or I won't? Health care and long-term care is serious and cannot be part of "free market".

Nina

Last edited by ninamarc; 02-22-2013 at 11:22 AM.

 
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