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Old 02-27-2013, 02:48 AM   #1
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A big step down for my mom.

Just the past few days my mom is not eating and seems to have muscle spasms. She is not swallowing her food or drink without my rubbing her throat. Her doctor is coming to the nursing home today and Hospice is on board. I will post more after I hear what the doctor had to say but I think I know what is happening. I just pray for her comfort and peace. Has anyone else experienced the twitching and jumping with their loved ones?
Thanks
Aras

 
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Old 02-27-2013, 09:09 AM   #2
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Re: A big step down for my mom.

I am so sorry that your Mom has reached this point. Eating and swallowing problem is the last thing before one passes away with dementia. I sure hope hospice will bring comfort to her. Hope she can still eat Ensure or pureed food. I know you know what is coming.
We all have mixed emotion when it comes to this point. When my late FIL was very sick the last week, we were still hoping for recovery but he was really at severe stage. We were even thinking of hospital but we didn't send him to the hospital this time. So he was cared for by the nursing home. He was actually about to stop eating at that point so he ate very little before he passed. I thought he had 6 more months or so as he got worse every 6 months.
Praying for your Mom and I hope the hospice will be very friendly.

Hugs,
Nina

 
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Old 02-27-2013, 08:36 PM   #3
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Re: A big step down for my mom.

Aras, I am sorry your Mom has reached this point but you do seem to have a realistic grasp on what is ahead. I am glad Hospice is on board. They will help maintain her comfort.

I have seen patients in the final days twitch and jump from muscle spasms or other discomforts. Hospice should be able to make her comfortable. Many times there is also breathing difficulties near the end. Again, Hospice can eliminate some of this, if not all. Be sure to report all symptoms you notice to the doctor and the Hospice nurse. They will know what to do.

I will keep you and your Mom in my thoughts and prayers for peace and comfort for you both. Please let us know what the doctor says....

Love, deb

 
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Old 02-28-2013, 01:17 AM   #4
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Re: A big step down for my mom.

Doctor saw mom yesterday and put her on a low dose morphine. She is experiencing apnea and is back on oxygen. No more food or drink by mouth as she is unable to swallow. I am praying for peace and comfort for her. I hope I can get through this as bad as it hurts. Thank you all for the thoughts and prayers.

Aras

 
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Old 02-28-2013, 10:20 AM   #5
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Re: A big step down for my mom.

Aras, it will move forward quickly from here... a matter of days probably. You will get through it because you do not have a choice. Know that your Mom is ready to go.... and let her know that it is ok. Be sure to tell her what you feel you need to tell her, let her know that you will be ok, and give her permission to move forward. I understand your mixed emotions because I was just there the end of December with my Mom. It is not what we want but what we know will be. It is not pleasant but we want to make it as blessed as possible. We don't want them to leave but we also want them out of their pain and suffering. It is a roller coaster of emotions and you need to let yourself feel each one while staying as focused on the blessing rather than the negative. I wish and pray for you both the comfort and peace that you need during this time. Just hold her hand and love her....

Love, deb

 
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Old 03-02-2013, 02:08 AM   #6
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Re: A big step down for my mom.

Mother passed away yesterday when I went home for just a few minutes. I had been with her all night and all morning till after lunch. I know she is in a much better place but I will miss her so much. She was a favorite with many of the personnel at the facility where she had been a resident for the past two and a half years. I wish I could stop crying. I have a lot to get done. Will post more later. Thanks for all the support and please continue to keep us in your thoughts and prayers.
Aras

 
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Old 03-02-2013, 09:32 AM   #7
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Re: A big step down for my mom.

Aras, I am so very sorry for your loss, but you are right that Mom is in a better place. She knows you were with her. I have see many that could not leave while loved ones were around and only finished their journey when alone. See it as her love for you. I know the roller coaster of emotions you are on right now having just been through them myself. If you need to cry, then do so. Allow yourself to feel what you need to feel. Things will get done but you have to take care of yourself first. Know my thoughts and prayers are with you for the comfort and peace that you need. Hold on to the best memories you have of Mom and know she is in your heart forever. Love is the one thing that is everlasting....

Love, deb

 
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Old 03-02-2013, 11:42 AM   #8
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Re: A big step down for my mom.

Aras,

Please accept my condolences. My late FIL was also a favorite in the NH because he was not as angry as some residents. A gentle soul.
I am sure lots of people in the NH miss your Mom. May God comfort you and give you peace. May she rest in peace.

Hugs,
Nina

Last edited by ninamarc; 03-02-2013 at 11:42 AM.

 
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Old 03-27-2013, 12:40 PM   #9
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Re: A big step down for my mom.

I hope you are doing better. I understand your pain and hope it lessens over time and that you find the strength to get through the roughest days.

 
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Old 03-28-2013, 03:26 AM   #10
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Re: A big step down for my mom.

Just reading again your kind support during my mothers final days. It has been almost a month and I am still in shock. Miss her so much, but would not want her back to go through it all again. Trying to keep busy with the things that have to be done when a loved one passes away. She did not lose a lot of weight because she ate up until about five days before she died. Thanks to Hospice who had been caring for her in the N/H for the past 22 months, her skin did not break down. When I realize how awful things could have been, I am thankful to god for his mercy.
We had a beautiful simple service. We all sang three hymns that mother loved in the little country church that had always been a part of our lives. She was buried next to my dad in the cemetery beside the church. Our family gathered at her home for a meal before and after the service.
To those who still have to travel this road, don't worry you will get through it.

Aras

 
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Old 03-28-2013, 10:20 AM   #11
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Re: A big step down for my mom.

Good to hear from you Aras and her services sounded wonderful. Glad you had that time to celebrate her life in a place that held precious memories.

Remember that the brain accepts and deals with what it can in the moment. The shock has a purpose. It insulates us from the full blow. Bit by bit the reality will begin to sink in as you can handle it. It will take a good year for you to get through all your first. Remember that you are allowed to feel whatever you feel and it is right for you. Dad has been gone for three years now. There are still moment, usually brought on by triggers, that I miss him terribly. I don't think you ever stop missing them, you just find a way to carry that with you in a way that it is not crushing. Remember they are always in your heart and you carry them with you every day.

My thoughts and prayers with continue to go with you...

Love, deb

 
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