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Alzheimer's Disease & Dementia Message Board
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Old 02-27-2013, 07:31 PM   #1
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Back for more help!

Life is becoming harder and I know it's going to get worst. My Mom broke her foot, her good foot. She has arthritis in her other foot. The doctor said they do surgery for this break but in Mom's case with the boot on her bad foot already they will just watch it closer plus they said anastasia will make Mom's Alzheimer's worst. Have any of you heard of this?
Does anyone know if medicare covers things like shower chairs? I'm starting to look into all these things, I just don't have much time to look into everything. I know I have to become POA for health care and for finances. Health care sounds easy, Does a Doctor have to sign off that my Mom is incompetent for POA for finance?
Still have the problems with other siblings not doing their share, which I'm trying very hard to get over. It's hard seeing my sister who lives with my Mom not getting more help. I help everyday, so it's her and I with my brother who helps 3 x's a week by bringing dinner (which is great) and my other sister who does Mom's pills, brings the pills every week. She says she'll come over but then can't . She is very busy with her kids. Then there's a brother who does nothing and doesn't never ask what he can do. He won't even answer e-mails. I'm starting to resent him and I don't want to be like that. I really have a hard time with everyone not even thinking about who's going to give Mom her pills or dinner or look into day time help. They don't have to because they know my sister and I will do it. That's what I have to get over!
Thank you again for helping me, It's so nice to have some where to asks questions and or vent! Liz

 
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Old 02-27-2013, 08:29 PM   #2
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Re: Back for more help!

I am going to assume you are in the USA. Yes, you are right because this disease only gets more difficult as time goes on. Mom is going to need more and more help. You have no choice but to accept what help others give and try not to resent what they don't do. The feelings of anger and resentment do not damage anybody but you. You do need to ask for help rather than expect people to offer help. If you have one, like your brother, who just do not participate, then you have to accept that. Holding on to negativity about what he will not do only depletes your energy, which you need to help your Mom. The sooner you can let it go the better.

I am sorry Mom broke her foot. The doctor is absolutely right. Many elderly dementia patients who are put under anesthesia, do have a decrease in their cognition. It is best not to do surgery if at all possible. I am sure it is more difficult for Mom with both feet in boots. If it is a minor break, it will probably heal well. I had much the same situation with Mom's right hand. It healed quickly, without surgery, and with no after effects.

Medical and Financial POA should be done while Mom can still sign and understand what she is signing. If she can no longer do this you will need to get guardianship through the courts. At least that is the way it is in NC. You do need to see a good Elder Lawyer ASAP... like last year! Here Heath Care POA is actually the most difficult because of the implications. When your Mom become incapacitated you have total responsibility for her health decision... and that is a huge responsibility. Each state is different so please check with an Elder Lawyer.

Each state has it's own laws related to Medicare and what they will pay for. It does have to be prescribed by her doctor and he will be able to tell you if it is allowed. Then it comes from one of the approved medical supply companies. Your best bet is to check with the doctor, have him prescribe, and ask him to help you get it.

Again, be thankful for the help you do have. Remember to ask for what you think they can do and don't just wait for them to see what you see.

Hope Mom's foot heals well... and hopefully something I have said is helpful

Love, deb

 
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Old 02-28-2013, 04:18 AM   #3
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Re: Back for more help!

Thank you again for the reply. This week I've been looking into day time help for my Mom, she will not like it at all. It would only be 2 or 3 days a week, I can do it the other two. that's something I have to see, what medicare covers. I'll find out about POA today. I know my Mom has it written up at the lawyers office that I'm POA for both medical and financial, but I haven't signed anything yet and don't have the papers. Thanks again
Liz

 
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Old 02-28-2013, 04:30 AM   #4
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Re: Back for more help!

When a family member is diagnosed with a mental illness the family react in different ways. Some are fully involved because they ate closest, some do what they can and the ones that can't cope back off and shut down. I wouldn't be resentful. Even the ones doing nothing are suffering too. Just be glad that there are enough of you to give her tthe help she needs.
I myself am the sole carer of my mother despite being a single mum and having ongoing illness myself. My brother has nothing to do with mums care because in his own words "i don't feel the same way you do" he rings me upset at how it is affecting him an how upset he is even though he won't even visit her on her birthday. But you see he can't cope and luckily I am a survivor. So out of the two of us she has me. Resentment won't improve things so I just focus on getting us through each day, each challenge and relish each tiny moment of happiness wherever it is.
Take care

Last edited by rainbowsnake; 02-28-2013 at 05:16 AM. Reason: newby got it wrong

 
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Old 02-28-2013, 08:55 AM   #5
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Re: Back for more help!

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Originally Posted by baseball View Post
Thank you again for the reply. This week I've been looking into day time help for my Mom, she will not like it at all. It would only be 2 or 3 days a week, I can do it the other two. that's something I have to see, what medicare covers. I'll find out about POA today. I know my Mom has it written up at the lawyers office that I'm POA for both medical and financial, but I haven't signed anything yet and don't have the papers. Thanks again
Liz
Liz,

You should sign that POA documents ASAP. It is good that Mom left the POA papers for you. (Assume that she signed them all.)
If you are talking about medicare A/B, it covers some basic medical equipments like a portable toilet or bath chair given the doctor's order. It covers hospice and hospital. If you are talking about her private medical insurance plan, you can call the co. and find out.
I am sorry your brother cannot help. It would be nice if he asks what he can do to help. Each sibling really has different relationship with the parents. You can only do what you can for yourself for Mom, but you cannot do it for the siblings. The sister is nice and I think she is really busy. Are you saying she has all the medications for Mom in her house, not in Mom's place?
She can put the pills in a box with M-F signs and do it just once a week.
Sometimes you need to come up with some methods to take care of Mom as well. You can set up a schedule to take turns and etc.

Take care of yourself and keep us posted.

Hugs,
Nina

Last edited by ninamarc; 02-28-2013 at 09:02 AM.

 
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