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Old 02-13-2007, 12:54 PM   #1
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godsgirltx HB User
Strange Situation

This is my first time posting to any message board. I am kind of in a strange situation and I'm not sure how to handle it. My ex-husband has recently been diagnosed with ALS (he's in his 30's). We have a 10-year-old child who spends a lot of time with his dad. My ex is remarried and has told me that he doesn't want to tell our son yet . . . I'm not sure what "yet" means in the sense that I'm assuming (based on the research I've done regarding ALS) he will have to tell him relatively soon since this is not a disease that can be pushed under the carpet.

So . . . here's my question, as it relates to our son, what is my place in this disturbing situation. I don't want to "step on any toes" with my ex's immediate family, however, I do have a HUGE responsibility looming in the future with regard to our son.

I've called our local ALS chapter to find out if there are any other ex's dealing with the same situation and they told me that they don't know of any. I could go to a support group, I suppose, but since there is only 1 group in our vicinity, I really don't want to show up there and see my ex or any of his family members there. Like I said . . . I'm trying to stay in the background and only deal with this as it relates to our son.

Help!!!! Does anyone have any thoughts for me?

 
Old 02-14-2007, 06:20 PM   #2
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Eileen123 HB User
Re: Strange Situation

Quote:
Originally Posted by godsgirltx View Post
This is my first time posting to any message board. I am kind of in a strange situation and I'm not sure how to handle it. My ex-husband has recently been diagnosed with ALS (he's in his 30's). We have a 10-year-old child who spends a lot of time with his dad. My ex is remarried and has told me that he doesn't want to tell our son yet . . . I'm not sure what "yet" means in the sense that I'm assuming (based on the research I've done regarding ALS) he will have to tell him relatively soon since this is not a disease that can be pushed under the carpet.

So . . . here's my question, as it relates to our son, what is my place in this disturbing situation. I don't want to "step on any toes" with my ex's immediate family, however, I do have a HUGE responsibility looming in the future with regard to our son.

I've called our local ALS chapter to find out if there are any other ex's dealing with the same situation and they told me that they don't know of any. I could go to a support group, I suppose, but since there is only 1 group in our vicinity, I really don't want to show up there and see my ex or any of his family members there. Like I said . . . I'm trying to stay in the background and only deal with this as it relates to our son.

Help!!!! Does anyone have any thoughts for me?

 
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Old 02-14-2007, 06:29 PM   #3
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Re: Strange Situation

YOU REALLY ARE IN A STRANGE SITUATION. I HAVE KNOWN TWO PEOPLE WITH ALS. YES, THE ILLNESS DOES PROGRESS RAPIDLY. AND A TEN YEAR OLD IS VERY AWARE OF CHANGES IN THEIR PARENTS. YOUR EX MAY BE IN DENIAL, ESPECIALLY IF HE WAS JUST DIAGNOSED. THAT MAY BE WHY HE IS NOT READY TO TELL YOUR SON. ANOTHER REASON IS THAT YOUR EX MAY NOT KNOW HOW TO TELL YOUR SON EXACTLY WHAT IS GOING ON WITH HIM. YOU STILL HAVE A LITTLE TIME, THOUGH I WOULD NOT WAIT TOO LONG BEFORE I TOLD MY EX THAT HE HAS A RESPONSIBILITY TO TELL YOUR SON. IF, FOR SOME STRANGE REASON, YOUR EX DECIDES NOT TO TELL YOUR SON, THEN THE RESPONSIBILITY WOULD BE YOURS. ANOTHER THING, YOUR POOR LITTLE GUY IS GOING TO BE DEALING WITH ALOT OF MIXED EMOTIONS, ONCE HE FINDS OUT. GET HIM INTO SOME THERAPY. ALOT OF KIDS BLAME THEMSELVES WHEN THEIR PARENT IS ILL. WISHING YOU THE VERY BEST.

 
Old 02-15-2007, 05:35 AM   #4
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godsgirltx HB User
Re: Strange Situation

Eileen - thanks so much for your reply. I'm pretty sure that my son (who is very inquisitive) will start to notice things on his own if his dad chooses not to tell him soon. He will definitely ask me questions. We'll see . . . this is just all so shocking and unexpected. I have sooooo many things going through my mind right now. I'm sure I'll post again during this since I know that i'll need some support myself. Again, thanks so much! God bless!

 
Old 02-16-2007, 10:24 PM   #5
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Join Date: Feb 2007
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Eileen123 HB User
Re: Strange Situation

[QUOTE=godsgirltx;2801527]
HI, SO GLAD I COULD BE OF HELP. I WAS THINKING, MAYBE, SINCE YOU ARE ALREADY ON THE HEALTH BOARDS SITE, AMAYBE YOU COULD SEE THE POSTS MADE BY OTHERS WHO HAVE A.L.S.
ANOTHER THING, I WORK FOR A CRISIS INFO AND REFERRRAL HOTLINE--I AM SURE YOU HAVE ONE OF THESE IN YOUR AREA. THEY ARE THERE TO HELP YOU, IF YOU NEED TO VENT, NEED REFERRALS, OR JUST SOME INFO. CHECK IN YOUR YELLOW PAGES UNDER CRISIS INTERVENTION SERVICES.
ALSO, YOU HAVE AN INTERESTING NAME. I THOUGHT I WAS GOD'S GIRL.
(I AM A CHRISTIAN-23 YEARS) HANG IN THERE, THINGS MAY SEEM HOPELESS, RIGHT NOW. JUST KEEP LOOKING FOR THAT LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL. EILEEN.

 
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