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Old 07-22-2004, 03:20 PM   #1
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Tamaralynn HB User
Soon to be 3 year old with Severe Anger issues

My son who will be turning 3 on August 3rd has been kicked out of 3 daycares in the past 5 months. Each daycare had given me ultimatums (put him on ritalyn or else basically).

Well He's a 2 year old boy going through that stage. But no one seems to listen. He DOES have anger management problems (which turns him EXTREMELY VOILENT towards himself and others) but he does NOT have ADD or Autism like the daycares were trying to tell me.

I had an appointment set up with a pediatrician here in Calgary (Dr. Goldaid for any of you living in Calgary) and she also agrees that it is just an anger management problem.

But I just don't get it. How can a 2 year old be so angry??

He will ask for a treat (after not finishing his dinner, of kicking my cat for no reason) and I refuse him. He will come right at me, hit me, pinch me, bite me (I needed stitches three times from him biting) and screaming. I cannot get him to settle. I don't give in but he will usually scream until he falls alseep.

He will go up to my cat or 6 year old daughter and start beating them for no reason at all.

He will pound the **** out of kids his age because he doesn't want to share (been threatened by many parents that if I don't take him out of daycare or put him on ritalyn, they would charge me in court).

Does anyone else have this problem with a child so young of age??

I have him set up to attend a program in September. Basically it's a pre-school that is run by highly trained specialists that deal with children who are too young to attend school. They will do play therapy and constant counselling sessions to find out his problem.

No one else in the family is so "Angry".


He has:

- Physically hurt other children for no reason, or because he does not want to share.
- Tried to gouge the eyes out of people changing his diaper at daycare (but has not done this at home)
- Refuses to potty-train by screaming bloody murder
- Smashed windows with toys and his own head
- Given myself and 5 other people (3 including young children his age) stitches by biting/hiting
- + more, I just can't remember them all. It's just so stressful!

 
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Old 07-22-2004, 06:53 PM   #2
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Re: Soon to be 3 year old with Severe Anger issues

Tamaralynn,

This does not sound like ADD to me. I don't know that much about Autism so I cannot comment on that. My first impression would be to say where is he "learning" this behavior from. In other words, who has he seen do these type things to the point that he thinks it is acceptable behavior. However, you said no one else in the family has any anger problems. I would definitely have tested in every way possible. This is not normal 2 year old behavior. The "terrible two's" doesn't even come close to the behavior that you are describing. I have two sons. One of them is 10 and the other is 6. The 10yr old is ADHD and still at his worse he has never come close to behavior like this. I would be very concerned about the fact that he so easily inflicts pain on people. When I think of the "terrible twos" temper tantrums I think of screaming, stomping feet, rolling on the floor crying. NOT hurting others to the point they need stitches. He is crossing a big line here and you need to get it under control. If he is creating this much havoc at 2 what on earth will you do when he is 10, 13, 16? This could quickly escalate into a very dangerous situation for everyone involved. Please get some help.

God Bless,
Sherry
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Old 07-23-2004, 11:48 AM   #3
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Re: Soon to be 3 year old with Severe Anger issues

I AM getting help. He will be attending a special program in September that is run by specialists. Why do people constantly berate me for not taking care of the needs for my own child?

Of course I know there is something seriously wrong with his anger, and I have been trying to get as much help as possible. When people start harping on me because they figure that I'm not willing to get the help that my son needs, yes it does make me angry! (and no one better dare tell me that my son is getting this anger from me!)

I just wanted to know if anyone else had children that had this sort of behaviour.

 
Old 07-23-2004, 06:13 PM   #4
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Re: Soon to be 3 year old with Severe Anger issues

I went back and reread my post to see if I could figure out how you could misunderstand the inflection of my post. I was not berating you. I am very concerned for you and your child.

I know what it feels like to have to defend a child. You are just beginning this struggle. Our children have different problems but they are problems none the less. You are already experiencing problems with day care and when he does start "regular" school, there is going to be a whole new set of problems. You are going to be the one who has to be your childs advocate when it comes to school. Yes, there will be days when you want to scream at everyone at school, but for your childs sake you have to find a way to control that urge and develop a program for helping him. You have no idea how many times I have wanted to walk into that school and just start screaming at everyone that crosses my path. However, that would accomplish nothing to help my son. I'm not saying you should lay down and take crap from them, but you do have to find a way to work with them. I'm not your enemy here. I have faced the frustrations of trying to help my son that many people cannot understand.

I hope things work out for your family.

God Bless,
Sherry


By the way, does your son take medicines for asthma or allergies or anything like that? Could it be a bad reaction to a med that he takes? Both of my sons are asthmatics and have allergies. Some of the meds they take can make them extremely hyper and agitated. Perhaps it's a bad reaction to something??
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Old 07-24-2004, 12:13 AM   #5
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Re: Soon to be 3 year old with Severe Anger issues

Sounds to me like you've been through a lot and want to find a solution for your son's behavior early. Kudos to you. I also commend you for seeking other solutions for your son's behavior beyond medication. Not that medication does not help children; many children do benefit from medication; but I believe that it should be a solution only after you've identified the root cause of the problem and other interventions have been attempted. Sounds like the new program that he'll be in will look at his needs individually and at both his strengths and weaknesses. Then they'll recommend some interventions that can be taken to address your son's individual needs. Too often day cares are not in a position to handle children with differentiated needs and provide the individual attention that some children need to thrive. Finally, be sure to take care of yourself during this difficult parenting period. You'll need to retain your strength, humor, and calmness in order to navigate any rough waters that may be ahead. Best wishes.

 
Old 07-31-2004, 06:27 PM   #6
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yoyogirl HB User
Re: Soon to be 3 year old with Severe Anger issues

Hello-

First of all, I'd like to commend you for your efforts. Though I do not personally have a child with similar problems, it is important to note the importance of early interventions when a child has serious behavior concerns. The longer you wait to intervene, the worse the prognosis... so you are doing the right thing by seeking help. It must be extremely difficult dealing with a child who displays such aggressive behavior. I am finishing up a degree in school psychology, and I would also recommend that you see a specialist. From what I've personally seen, a pediatrician is helpful but only has limited knowledge when it comes to psychological/behavior problems amongst children.

It sounds to me like it is more than just a mere "anger" problem.... it could be a chemical imbalance... it could be various other things; however, a psychologist or psychiatrist would be best suited to treat/diagnose your child as he/she has much more specialized training.

I hope that you get the help that you need for your son.

Take care

 
Old 08-03-2004, 02:24 PM   #7
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tamaralynn2 HB User
Re: Soon to be 3 year old with Severe Anger issues

Thanks,

I have him going to a special program that has some professionals that run it. They will be working with him on a daily basis (from 8:45 - 3:00, just like school).

The good thing is, if it is possible that he needs meds, at least they can correspond with the pediatrician.

 
Old 08-03-2004, 07:09 PM   #8
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sherry47 HB User
Re: Soon to be 3 year old with Severe Anger issues

Tamaralynn,

I truly hope your son gets better. I'm sorry if you took my original post wrong. I really do hope your son gets better. I know it must be extremely stressful for your to be in this situation. We only want the best for our children and when something like this is wrong with them we know it can affect their whole future. It's a scary thing. Please continue to give us updates on your son. I hope he makes progress and some breakthroughs. You are doing the right thing. I know it's hard for you. I will keep your family in my prayers.

God Bless,
Sherry
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Old 08-04-2004, 11:40 AM   #9
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Re: Soon to be 3 year old with Severe Anger issues

Thanks.

He did quite well at his first day back at daycare. (Spent last month with Grandma because he was kicked out of his last daycare. Grandma figures that it's all in my head and anyone else that watches him, yet she has never watched him with other children).

I'm hoping that his "honeymoon period" lasts long enough for the new program to start.

Thanks Sherry

FYI: He just turned 3 yesterday

Last edited by tamaralynn2; 08-04-2004 at 11:41 AM.

 
Old 08-10-2004, 03:04 AM   #10
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Re: Soon to be 3 year old with Severe Anger issues

It sounds like ODD... it sometimes co-occurs with ADHD and autism, which is why many people will immediately say "Oh that's ADHD" or "Oh that's Autism" when a child displays severe aggression and violence.

ODD basically means Oppositional Defiant Disorder, and can range from verbal defiance (refusal to do as told, refusal to accept explanations, provocative attitude etc.) to repeated impulsive as well as some premediated acts of aggression (not just impulsive, reactive actions), which in their most extreme form can move into Conduct Disorder, which includes antisocial acts like theft, truancy, unprovoked attacks etc.

From what I have seen, both conduct disorder and ODD (as well as things like dyslexia, Bipolar etc.) are genetically related to Autism and ADHD, so quite a few people with one also have aspects of the others.

With ADHD however a lot of the oppositional and defiant actions are impulsive and unpredictable (mostly not premediated or carefully planned) and often the children will show remorse ("I didn't mean to do it"), have periods of good behaviour inbetween and can sometimes hastily come up with fairly transparent lies/explanations, whereas with "pure" ODD it's less spur-of-the-moment, more consistent, and remorse is often not shown (strong negativity).

With autistic children, if the concept of deceipt is grasped at all, the explanations or "get-out-clauses" used when trying to get out of punishment or explain the actions can frequently be extremely transparent (blatantly obvious) and often the child seems unaware that the behaviour was "wrong", although there are some with a very mild autistic-like presentation that also show very strong aggression and negativity, who seem to delight in hurting others. I think this has been coined "Pathological Demand Avoidance".
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Old 08-10-2004, 05:11 AM   #11
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Re: Soon to be 3 year old with Severe Anger issues

there is definitely something more going on with your son here than just one of those conveniently labled disorders that get thrust upon a child whenever there is some kind of behavior disorder.You are definitely doing all the right things here with regard to trying to get the proper help for your son.Believe me,I know how you feel as I have a son that was just recently Dxed with bi polar III.But one thing i think you might want to look into here is that there could be something in his brain that could be causing this type of behavior.Have you seen a neurologist yet?if not, I would see if you could get a referral for one.it is a slim chance but one that should be looked into as a possibility.You never know.At the very least, see if you can get an MRI done.i am sure that considering his age and behavior he would most likely have to be sedated,but it can be done.This childs behavior is just beyond extreme here.If he is not learning this kind of behavior there is SOMETHING that is causing it.i wish you luck and the strength to find the reasons.Hang in there,Marcia

 
Old 08-13-2004, 08:43 AM   #12
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Re: Soon to be 3 year old with Severe Anger issues

My son just turned 2 and is extremely aggressive. I really would recommend getting your son in to see a pediatric neurologist. We found out that the aggression, short attention span, and constant fight or flight response was due to Sensory Processing Disorder. He doesnt process sensory input like he should so the smallest touch can set him off.

We thought he was Autistic and even took him to a developmental pediatrician. He likes to be alone and gets overstimulated easily. We have finally learned how to work around his needs and his behavior has changed enormously!!

I can not say if this is your sons problem but it is something I would really look into. Good luck
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Old 08-13-2004, 09:52 AM   #13
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tamaralynn2 HB User
Re: Soon to be 3 year old with Severe Anger issues

Mommy, your little guy sound EXACTLY like mine. Will look into it, thanks!

(thanks to everyone else as well!)

 
Old 08-13-2004, 07:26 PM   #14
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Re: Soon to be 3 year old with Severe Anger issues

Hi

your post caught my eye.. . i often post on the ADD or Autism board to help out my sister who has a son with many challenges. Her first red flags that he had a problem was getting kicked out of 5 daycares by age 3. He also wasn't speaking. With speech therapy he is speaking fine now, but the biggest issues she had and still has now he is 4 and half, is the anger and aggression. Banging his head, attacking mom and other kids, biting, screaming, throwing chairs and large objects at his mom, no tolerance for being told no or having rules and boundaries. My sis went through the same thing, everyone at the daycare telling her she wasn't disciplining him and basically it was her fault. She took him to a neurologist who gave him a PDD/ADHD diagnosis, basically a form of autism with hyperactive behavior and also he has SID(sensory Integration disorder) and cannot handle certain stimulus. He also goes to a special school, recieves occupational therapy and speech. HE is also on resperol(anti-psycotic med)and focalin(like ritalin) he doesn't bite anymore and doesn't attack others as much but still has a low frustration level and throws raging tantrums. My sister is at the end of her patience as well and doesn't think the meds are working as good as they should.
Good luck, I am not giving you advice, just letting you know my experiences. Also, I have worked in daycare for 12 years, i have seen many types of kids, a few biters as a phase, but even the most unhappy and aggressive kids never behaved in the way you say your child does. I did work in special ed for a few years and did see all of those behaviors in an autistic preschool class i worked in, especially the potty training and impulsive aggressive acting out. I worked with elementary school kids for 2 years In a B.D. (behavior disorder) class. These kids were displaying the same behaviors as your child and they were 7-10 years old. one little girl broke a window twice in a year, and i spent a lot of time on the floor restraining children. YOu may want to learn how to do a safe hold restraint so you can get control of your child if he is posing a danger. All of these kids were living in foster care due to abuse, especially sexual. Consider if your child in the care of someone may have been abused. A child this young can not verbalize what happpened but can still be traumatized. A therapist may be able to uncover something like that.
Whatever you do, don't blame yourself, try and connect with other parents going through the same situation and avoid those who blame or don't understand.
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Last edited by Hope2Heal; 08-13-2004 at 07:34 PM.

 
Old 10-21-2004, 04:41 AM   #15
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Re: Soon to be 3 year old with Severe Anger issues

Quote:
Originally Posted by tamaralynn2
Mommy, your little guy sound EXACTLY like mine. Will look into it, thanks!

(thanks to everyone else as well!)
Tamaralynn2,
I just wanted to comment on the previous poster who mentioned ODD Oppostional Defiance Disorder. I have a younger brother who has ODD and is 21 now. There are therapeutic ways to treat this behavioral disorder. I commend you and all of your efforts. I know how difficult it was growing up with a very angry defiant teenager in the house, who by all means overpowered many of us physically. Unfortunately, these children are so controlled by their disorder that they are lacking enjoying life as just kids. I wish you all of the luck finding the right therapy and treatment for him at home and at schools. I have all the faith that you will find a solution. Just remember a great therapist is key, and your prize int he end will be having a happy child.

Please keep your head up as I am sure it is difficult to be rated on your parenting skills by his behavior. Just remember what counts is you know that you're doing your personal best as any parent would in finding a solution for him. Its hard not to listen to others commentary and finding proper facilities to care for him while your at work, but you know you're doing the best you can.

Good luck, and keep us posted on your success!

 
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