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Old 02-15-2005, 04:24 PM   #1
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Unhappy I feel angry that my husband....

Well I know partially or maybe 100% this has to do with me...and not my husband, but I'm here to get support that this is how I feel..


Today I went to the tanning salon after work (tanning for a friend's wedding, I'm in) Anyway, there was a guy there that I've never seen before, and actually to me he is more like a young guy or kid! LOL I'm 28, feeling like I'm 38 when I go tanning cause the kids that work there are so young. Anyway this kid was about 22. Well, he was flirting with me...I went to sign my name in...and he was telling me I have a beautiful smile...and bla bla bla, so I just thanked him and didn't give it another thought.

I went and tanned and on my way out..he stopped me and called me by my name to come by the front desk. I walked over and he asked me if I would want to meet up with him...maybe on Thursday at a nearby Bar/Grill. I told him I was married...and he about fell off his chair. He apologized and said he didn't mean any harm...I was like LOL its ok...

Well I wasn't even going to say anything to my husband cause he just doens't care about that stuff...well at least that is how he acts. Anyway I decided to tell him, and he just shrugged his shoulders and said "so".

Man, I wish it didn't bother me that he doesn't care, but I got really angry...I got very quiet. It makes me feel like he doesn't think I'm that attractive or something that he doesn't have to worry about other men hitting on me. This 22 year old kid was actually darn cute...and I just wondered is it normal for me to feel good that he hit on me...and at the same time feel angry that my Husband (who is 32 by the way) just doean't seem to care. He didn't even ask me what the kid said....I don't know...to me I would at least think he would have asked me that much.

Any thoughts?

 
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Old 02-15-2005, 09:21 PM   #2
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warmbreeze HB Userwarmbreeze HB User
Re: I feel angry that my husband....

My thoughts are that your husband has a lot to learn about women. It would bother me also if my husband reacted in such a nonchalaunt (sp?) way. I think it's very normal for you to feel flattered at getting attention, everyone enjoys that.

Without knowing how your husband is as a husband in all other aspects of your marriage, I can't really give advise. If he's a good husband and loving towards you in every other way, his lack of jealousy shouldn't be a deal breakeer.

I just wanted to say I understand your frustration and hurt. I think your husband needs to know how you feel. Hope things get better.

 
Old 02-16-2005, 02:49 PM   #3
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Re: I feel angry that my husband....

I wouldn't assume that just because your husband ACTS like he doesn't care means that he actually doesn't care.

 
Old 02-16-2005, 04:26 PM   #4
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Wink Re: I feel angry that my husband....

Quote:
Originally Posted by warmbreeze
Without knowing how your husband is as a husband in all other aspects of your marriage, I can't really give advise. If he's a good husband and loving towards you in every other way, his lack of jealousy shouldn't be a deal breakeer.
warmbreeze Thank you for the response I was glad to see someone finally came in and gave their input. I would just like to share that my husband is SO LOVING. He is always calling me babe, baby, and telling me how much he loves me (with all sincerity). He told me he was never the jealous type and that he trusts me not to do anything that would damage our relationship...so that is why he said he didn't react, cause he knows I wouldn't go anywhere with the flirtation that the guy was doing to me... I definatley know he loves me...ALOT...it is just that sometimes I'd like for him to show some jealousy, as ODD as that may sound...but you are right, it isn't a deal breaker!

 
Old 02-16-2005, 04:32 PM   #5
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Cool Re: I feel angry that my husband....

Quote:
Originally Posted by kerry1
I wouldn't assume that just because your husband ACTS like he doesn't care means that he actually doesn't care.

Kerry1:

YOu know that thought did cross my mind. Also I was thinking back to a night when we FIRST started off...we had probably only been dating for about 3 weeks...
I went out with some friends of mine and this "guy" that I use to work with years ago (almost 8 years ago) was there. He is a HUGE FLIRT...your typical Italian Guy. The thing is...I was only 25 at the time, and that guy was about 42! I never ever had any interest in him...in fact he was married and had a daughter my age!!! (A few years younger) Anyway, he came up to me at the club we were outside (it was summer time) and I was sitting down, he put his hand on my leg (near my knee) and squeezed my leg.

Well my (husband) boyfriend at the time was at that club...and I had seen him there..he stopped there with his friend and he knew I would be there...I never thought twice about it, but he was talking to some girls...with his friend. Well I guess he saw that guy grab my leg. I went over to talk to him and he was being very cold toward me, then he left. The next day we got together (he was always good about calling when he said he would...) and he brought that up about the guy grabbing my leg...and how he didn't like it.

So I guess that is why I was thinking...hmmmm maybe he just doesn't want to let on, but if he were with me and a guy hit on me...I don't think he'd be so naunchalaunt about it....???? Not sure, but after thinking about that situation...I think he would be or act a little more concerned...

 
Old 02-16-2005, 09:19 PM   #6
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Re: I feel angry that my husband....

Sometimes guys don't let on that they're jealous until they've let it build up inside them. Sometimes they don't even KNOW they're jealous until the relationship's already been damaged. Siiighh. Been there.

 
Old 02-16-2005, 09:37 PM   #7
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Re: I feel angry that my husband....

Well I wasn't even going to say anything to my husband cause he just doens't care about that stuff...well at least that is how he acts. Anyway I decided to tell him, and he just shrugged his shoulders and said "so".

Man, I wish it didn't bother me that he doesn't care, but I got really angry...I got very quiet. It makes me feel like he doesn't think I'm that attractive or something that he doesn't have to worry about other men hitting on me. This 22 year old kid was actually darn cute...and I just wondered is it normal for me to feel good that he hit on me...and at the same time feel angry that my Husband (who is 32 by the way) just doean't seem to care. He didn't even ask me what the kid said....I don't know...to me I would at least think he would have asked me that much.

Any thoughts?[/COLOR][/QUOTE]

Doesn't that just burn u!!?? After my 1st child, I lost 60 lbs in 7 months and weighed less than I had since I was 12! We went to a Superbowl party and one of his friends told my husband I was so hot and had a great rack....my husband didn't even respond. A month later he bought me a new dress for my b-day. Size 10- I was a size 2!

Guys are weird. At least you had a little smile over the attention, and maybe your husband trusts you and wasn't even struck with the thought of anything girl/guy/romance from the event???

 
Old 02-17-2005, 05:35 AM   #8
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Arrow Re: I feel angry that my husband....

I suppose that could be the case....who knows ....I can't read his mind and I'm so tired of trying!

 
Old 02-17-2005, 12:27 PM   #9
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Re: I feel angry that my husband....

The only thing I really understand about men is that they're impossible to understand. You just gotta take them the way they are.

 
Old 02-18-2005, 01:36 PM   #10
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Lightbulb Re: I feel angry that my husband....

You know I was driving to work this morning and thought of yet another situation where my husband portrayed jealousy and it was over that SAME MAN mentioned earlier.

We were at my husband's work Christmas party. Had been dating for a little over a year, but we weren't engaged yet. The party was inside a local hotel here. After the party was over, we went in the hotel club/bar. That guy was there again. (Same bar we were at when he was there the last time and grabbed my leg) anyway...when Mike saw me...he came up to me and gave me a kiss..and said hello....the kiss was on my cheek and it was fast and harmless...no big deal. It was around the holidays so he wished us a Merry Christmas and he walked off...

Well, my husband (boyfriend at the time) had a full beer, he THREW it in the trash can really hard, made such a loud noise that people looked. He looked me dead in the eye and said "LETS GO NOW" He was drunk. I didn't want to drive w/him but he wouldn't give me his keys (although I was a little intoxicated myself) and he just stormed off and left me standing. So I went outside and he was already at the car. I had on high *** heals and it was COLD outside...I could have slipped on the ice, but he didn't seem to care. I got in the car and was like "*** is your problem?" He said that I kissed mike on the lips! That was the BIGGEST LOAD OF CRAP! First off, let me tell you something...I'm 5'9" tall, and husband is 6'1"...

Mike..is 5'6! I had heels on so I was about the same height as my husband that night...and I had to bend so far over, when I saw Mike, he is SHORT! Anyway...with my husband standing directly behind me, he couldn't see, and he assumed I kissed mike on the lips..well COME THE HELL ON... That is just nonsense. Anyway we got in the HUGEST fight, when we got home, and in fact I told him I was going to leave him..and he begged me and apologized and said he didn't want me to go that he loved me and he was sorry for jumping to conclusions...

So don't you think that was a little jealousy he was portraying?? I mean I was thinking about that situation when I was coming in to work and I totally forgot that happened and with that same guy. Ever since then I severed all ties with Mike. He was a great guy..just a FRIEND, but I knew my husband didn't like it..I even use to talk to that guy's wife...BUT since my husband got mad twice about the same guy, I just stopped talking to him all together. He wasn't worth it to lose my relationship with the man I loved over someone I barely spoke too...

Just wondered..if you get anything out of that as far as jealousy...hmmmmm

 
Old 02-18-2005, 02:31 PM   #11
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Re: I feel angry that my husband....

I just had to respond.My hubby(pre marriage) was always the jealous type.It kinda irked me , cause he didn't act like he trusted me.We talked & he said he would change his ways.Well, after marriage he went the complete opposite.Guys would hit on me and my kids would tell hubby how guys were checking me out.I also have a teen age daughter( I had her at 19 so I am still a young mom.)But all her guy friends(girl friends too) would tell her "you're mom is hot".(teen age boys- LOL).I even got approached while I was out with my hubby a few times-DUH, do guys NOT pay attention that I walked in on the arm of a guy!!!Even had my butt grabbed at a club & told my hubby, he says "why didn't you deck the guy?" HUH? I should add I am NOT the flirtatious type I am actually quite shy. Any way after a few years of this behavior I was begining to wonder what was in my hubby's head.So after I got approached in a gas station by a guy.(My hubby was out pumping the gas, I was in the store paying).My hubby asked what the guy in the store was talking to me about.I said "he invited me to a party, can you believe the nerve of that?"He said "oh"
I was so mad he acted like he could care less.I said why do you act like you don't even care?
His response:
"Baby, I knew when I married you that you were a very attractive woman, why would I expect other men to not find you just as attractive?"

Well, he melted my heart.It may have been a line of B* but it worked.LOL
Maybe your hubby just isn't surprised that other men find you attractive.He trusts you & that is maybe all he needs.

 
Old 02-19-2005, 07:31 PM   #12
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Re: I feel angry that my husband....

sounds to me like he trusts you

 
Old 02-21-2005, 10:36 AM   #13
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Wink Re: I feel angry that my husband....

jaymz and LostDog thank you for your comments. LostDog, my husband actually did tell me, he thinks I get hit on everyday....and he knows I'm attractive. He said he trusts me..I should just be happy about that

 
Old 02-22-2005, 06:13 AM   #14
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Re: I feel angry that my husband....

Your post was written as if I HAD WRITTEN IT!! MY husband is the SAME WAY!! In fact, I even accused him of not caring and that he must think I am unattractive because he is NEVER jealous...he said that he TRUSTS me and knows I would never cheat on him...so, it IS about trust!!

We should be thankful - I have friends whose husbands are so jealous they aren't allowed to wear certain clothes etc. I would never stand for that - I now feel I am lucky and after 16 years of marriage, there is a lot of trust built between us!

-Pillz

 
Old 02-22-2005, 09:39 AM   #15
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Talking Re: I feel angry that my husband....

Wow Pillz that is very interesting to know..thanks for sharing and I do feel lucky

 
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