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Old 01-08-2003, 07:44 PM   #1
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star44 HB User
Angry I've never been so angry in my life! How do I stop obssessing?

Hello first of all. I have always been an easy going happy person. I am 44 and have 2 children who depend upon me. I have a huge problem that I cannot seem to get over. It is with my only sibling who is 8 yrs older than me. She moved away from us when I was 8. She lived her own life 1000 miles away visiting Mom once in a while, but they would talk every Saturday. I on the other hand lived a few miles from Mom, we had a wonderful relationship, except I did give her some typical teenage problems.

Well, mom became ill 3 yrs ago, her diagnosis was brain cancer with 6 months to live. My sister flew up and made a will 50/50, and since the house Mom bought 9 yrs ago in cash with my grandmother who is 93 and feeble, the deed was in both their names 50/50 at the time. My sister talked them into putting Moms share in our 2 names, and my nanas share which was 50% in my sisters name for estate purposes because my nana had been living in assisted living for the past 9 yrs. As soon as they bought it, my Mom decided that is where nana should go, and she was 84 and went along with it.My sister was supposed to watch nanas assets and do the right thing when the time came, WELL, SHE HASN'T.

My sister has hated me since I was born and from afar has caused me much pain, I have tried for years to figure out why, mom said she was jealous of me, but I;m sure it must be because I was just born. She is the complete opposite of me, I am honest, fun loving, forgiving, loyal etc. As far as I know now, I can see by her actions, she seems to have no concious.

Mom lived for 2 more yrs alone in her house. I traveled for a living then I would come over and help her shop etc, as she went blind in 99. We had a lawsuit going on for 2 yrs because they gave her 30 doses of brain radiation, and she never had cancer it was a stroke all along, she deteriorated with brain radiation necrosis, dying of the brain tissue, and kept having stroke after stroke.

Well, she passed away this Sept. My sister split her ashes in 2 because she couldn't stand the thought of spreading moms ashes with me. Then she flew up to MA and took everything out of moms house, even though my name was on the deed she would not give me a key until she was safely on the plane back home. Well, she picked up nana and they spread the ashes on a mountain. My ashes came in a plastic baggie from an undertaker in Fl, when I specifically signed a notorized form that stated I wanted an urn. I cried for days. After a few days she dropped nana off. Nana called and said she was hiring a truck to bring everything to Fl. Well, the next day I went over, everything was gone. That day we recieved the key and a copy of the will stating that my Mom left everything to her and me nothing. Some slimy lawyer who knew mom was not cognitive let this happen. mom had severe dementia and had hallucinations and didn;t know what day it was and was very confused. My sister took her dignity and spirit away,it was definite elder abuse psychologically, all for personal gain and hatred. It seemed that she had changed the will, she still thought she was going to be a millionare from the lawsuit that never did get filed after 2 yrs of the lawyers working on the case.Malpractice is hard to prove and the case was not clearly winnable. (I don't get it)

Well, now it was time to sell the house, my sister had taken care of Mom her last yr, she was POA.We sold the house and she pocketed 90,000 of my Nanas money!!!! There is one other grandchild, and me. Nana was very confused, although she is 93 and cannot stand up to my sister, she does realize that it morally is her money though.A few months ago nana said she wanted to split her half with the 3 grandkids, well no way would my sister let that happen she wanted it ALL! My sister took nana for the holidays, sent my 2 kids 5$ in an envelope, which nana always gave them 50. She brainwashed my mom now she was working on nana. I threatened her to call the ssa because the money legally should go to the state, then she told my nana i was trying to throw her out in the street. Now, she has told Nana that she will give her money anytime she wants it but we all know that is not true. She refuses to speak to me, always has, she beleives she is the only one who deserves the money, she said we couldn't give it to nana since she was in assisted living or she would just shove it under the mattress.

I recieved 40,000, 25% of the sale, she got 125,000 which 90,000 was nanas. It is now in her bank account. It is not the money as much as the hurt that I feel like I am disowned. When mom died, at the house my sister left a box of my life with everything I had ever given my Mom pictures, music boxes etc. its like I never existed at all. My Mom loved me and my kids, I'm positive of this, everyone who knew her knows that she would never change her will in her right mind.

Now, I am faced with ANGER every single day, depression, thoughts of revenge, legally I cannot do anything. I want to picket her employment or on her road, she is a real estate agent, I need some satisfaction I feel like I am going to lose it!I'm just not sure what is legal. I go to church and pray, I know what goes around comes around, this is something I would never do to anybody, even if I wasn't fond of them, but to do this to your only sibling just dumbfounds me and shocks the hell out of me. I have been to my psychologist and I know I have to move on, I have never been so angry and I know now what hatred is all about.This is going to ruin my life if i let it , these feelings and pain goes on every day, i can barely make it to work, i am *****y, moody and it already has created a problem in mmy life this has been going on for 3 yrs. Mom was suffering, while my sister was lying to her to get her to hate me.

Help!!!!!!!!!! Any advice at all or thoughts on this, this life is miserable! Thank you for reading and I'm sorry it was so long. Star44

 
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Old 01-09-2003, 12:53 AM   #2
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Star!Sweetie,I have lost my Father to money problems also.I regards to my Grandfathers,will,my Grandmothers will,and Grandfathers car,that my own father made me buy from him.Life is short.You can't make your sister love you,Karma will come back x3,so do not do her harm.I do believe kids do what they see,so you MUST not let them see this anger.I do not speak to my father since the will.4 years ago.To me he is dead,and after 2 years of wasted crying,I am OK with this now.We were closer than any father,daughter.He see's I am the problem,and blames me always.Your sister does the same,I am sure.Enjoy love with,whom loves you.Hugs.

 
Old 01-10-2003, 12:33 AM   #3
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I don't know. Maybe you should speak to a lawyer and see what they think. You may have a case. You were screwed royally, and it just doesn't seem right that there is absolutely nothing you can do legally.

Other than that, you have every right to be mad. I know I would be. And something as wrong as this will take time to get over. Take it at your own pace. Don't feel weird if a year from now your still angry, some people it can take a decade to get over. Just try not show this anger in front of your children. You sound very reasonable, and I'm confident you'll kick this thing.

Remember time heals all wounds.

 
Old 01-13-2003, 07:51 AM   #4
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starr HB User
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Thank you for your replies. I have my good and bad days. I have to bring my Nana her x-mas presents and I want my husband to bring them because I feel disowned from her now.I'm still angry, and I feel even at her age she does know what is going on. Friends say she is old and feeble and confused, but I told her everything about what happened with my sister. She says my Mom would never take me out of the will, she saw all of Moms belongings that my sister took when she went to Fl for the holidays! She knows my sister has 90,000 of her money!! Why is this happening? I do not understand how a sibling could do this!

 
Old 01-13-2003, 08:28 AM   #5
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First of all these things happen because there are evil people and good people. Now the will had to be filed and you had to receive a copy. You also had to receive notice and accountings of the value of the estate during the probate. If you never received copies of these documents you may have a legal remedy. Cetain procedures must be followed during probate.

 
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