VERY afraid of angry husband's outbursts - Anger Management Message Board

funchick · 06-30-2003, 10:33 AM

My husband has always had an "anger issue" that he waws working on and doing a fabulous job. Last night we were in the car when he flew off of the handle, squeeled his tires, got out slammed doors, screamed in my face, called me a few not very nice names, and the situation excelled until someone called the police. we were gone by the time they got to where we were. I tired talking to him, and I told him that he hurt me by doing all of the things that he did. He told me that if he wanted to hurt me that I would be hurt.

Now, maybe I have watched too many LIFETIME movies, but this whole sitatution has me afraid to say anything to him. I am afraid to gove my opinion, or tell him that I am unhapoy about anything.

Does anyone have any suggestions?

i am really aftraid now.

CuriousMe4200 · 06-30-2003, 02:02 PM

I'd say, talk to the proffesional. That kind of behavior often leads to physical violence. Try talking to him about his problems, something is on his mind that is irritating him, making him taking it out on you.

sandra421 · 07-09-2003, 03:09 PM

in reply, my husband is the same, his excuse for his anger is my 19 year old daughter, who is a big fat user and a loser in his opinion, so he vents everything on her and then i defend her and then i am to blame for not changing her and not sticking up for him, blahblah-he refuses to seek help individually as he says he has "no problems" but will go to marriage counseling, he is irate that i am seeking counseling on my own and today had appt with his primary care doc for med checkup as he is on effexor and he said the same stuff, its all daughters fault and mine and when he left to go back to work he said he was calling a realtor to put the house up for sale. what a blow, i am terrified what he will be like when he gets home tonight.
hugs to all in this boat which feels like its sinking fast

upshutter17 · 07-14-2003, 03:44 AM

Hi. I can relate you guys, but with my dad. His anger is incredible. He is verbally, emotionally, and mentally abusive towards all in my house, especially my Mother. He'll find any issue or little thing to blow up a million times worse. Usually it's my fault (I am an 18 year old). It's usually something I said or did. My Mother ALWAYS defends me because it just honestly is never really my fault. I never do anything bad, I'm a really calm and effective girl. I used to be really scared, but now I'm not. How sad is it that we have gotten use to daily insults. As far as physical....I have told him that I WILL call the cops on him, and I keep the metal bat (Reason for homeruns when I was younger) under my bed. Being afraid of his next temper flare is creepy. How can someone be so angry? My heart goes out to you all. I pray to God you experience no physical, but emotional, mental, and verbal can be so much worse. You are all in my prayers.
Upshutter

Sundance_Dawn · 07-14-2003, 05:34 AM

Gosh I can really relate... My ex husband's whole family had anger problems and the longer I was with him, the more he took all his bottled-up anger and stress out on me, shouting his head off at me, at home with the windows open, in his car and so on. One of the worst was earlier this year, he was waiting for the car wash and wanting a smoke, but because we'd only gone food shopping he didn't have his cigarettes on him, so he asked me to walk back to the shop and buy him some.

I was tired and we were next to a petrol station (!) so I said "No" and explained why, and he totally flew off the handle and shouted at me for a good 20 minutes (long queue) at the top of his voice, initially with the windows down and then he shut them and the car steamed up. I was so terrified and embarassed yet I didn't have the guts to get out and walk away.

I left him a few months later, and am now happily invovled with a gentle loving guy who was my best friend before that.

I've tried to help my ex but as long as someone sticks by them and puts up with the kind of abuse you're talking about, people with such a bad temper problem will never have the motivation to do anything about their problems.

In my ex's case there were other issues involved (he became obsessed with an attack that happened 4 years ago, it was verbally provoked, they did wrong to him but he wouldn't get ANY help, just obsessed over how unfairly he had been treated and in the end *I* was the one who didn't care.. yeah right!) and after 4 years of being there for him, comforting him, listening to him and putting up with verbal and mental abuse on a sometimes daily basis I had enough.

Don't let it get to that stage - if you feel there is still hope, TALK to him, make it clear you will not put up with this any longer, print out (copy & paste into word if you don't want him to read your post here, so you don't have to tell him where/that you post) some of the posts here where relationships faltered because of anger problems, and ones where people got help with their temper...

Good Luck!