Angry at friend but no rage yet - Anger Management Message Board

wannabehotguy · 09-06-2003, 01:45 PM

am a bit irate with a friend right now. And it has nothing to do with getting into a fight or a huge arugement. My friend and I tend to have long drawn out conversations sometimes and recently when I brought up some topics and discussed how frustrated I was at this one situation and how that a certain person made a real stupid mistake and that annoyed me big time. My friend will interrupt and empathise with the person or people I am talking about. She empathises with them and NOT me? And I am the one who is frustrated. For example I brought up the columbine students who killed their classmates. And I said that those kids had a lot of emotional problems and therapy would have helped them. My friend interupted and said "they were made fun of what else were they supposed to do?" and she went on and on saying how she really condoned them going beserk on that school. I felt lost, confused, and and at a loss of words for my friend and I was left feeling like I didn't want to speak with her again. She also began explaining to me that they killed themselves after the shooting because they didn't want to get caught. WELL, what a very astute observation!. I was baffled by her comments and she has been doing this for the last few weeks now. She really likes to be on the other persons side instead of seeing my POINT of view as being resonable and OK.
What are you suggestions, opinions, or questions?

Sting66 · 09-07-2003, 08:31 PM

Hi,
Wow! I'd be baffled, too. It sounds like she is deliberately trying to be on the other person's side just to be different from you. In other words, an attempt to be "superior" to you by disagreeing with whatever you say. If she's doing it because she knows it makes you feel bad, well, that's disgusting.

Those comments about Columbine sound really twisted and sick. I would really question someone's intelligence and/or sanity if they were seriously making comments like that. It just doesn't sound normal.

I have known a few people like this, and I have dropped them from my life. It was hard at first, because these people are weak and insecure, and I tend to feel sorry for them. But hey...if someone acts like an idiot, they shouldn't be rewarded by having you keep her as a friend. Doesn't sound like she's acting like a friend at all--more like an enemy!

Truth be told, she sounds like exactly the sort of person I have crossed off my list. People like this HATE to be ignored, because they spend so much time trying to look "cool" and "important." If they pull their self-important antics and someone doesn't react to them, and just ignores them--that really takes the wind out of their little sails. Getting ignored is the LAST thing that these insecure attention-seekers want!

Just my opinion, but if she has a proven track record for behaving this way with you (and it sounds like she certainly does), I don't think she deserves your time or friendship.

If you think she is mature enough to discuss the situation, then maybe that's a possibility. But oftentimes, people who behave this way do so because they ARE immature, so any attempts to discuss things with her would quite possibly end in an even uglier argument. At least, that's my experience with these types.

Good luck!

Sting66

wannabehotguy · 09-08-2003, 06:47 PM

Sting66 wow I am impressed. You matched the exact thoughts and feelings that were going threw my mind. I was thinking that she was disagreeing with me constantly just to be superior to me and the word that flashed into my mind was immaturity.

She usually calls me up and complains about some things that have happened in a certain day. And I will listen, and empathise with her and of course ask questions and am interested in what she has to say. Then when I talk she quickly interupts me and explains the other person's point of view and why they are correct and why I am not. It is like getting close to a really cute bobcat and petting it and giving it affection and then it lashes out with its super sharp claws and whacks me across the face. That is how it feels when I talk with this person. And she does it out of nowhere. She be real innocent and seeming interested and before I know it she is lashing out and siding with the other person and disagreeing with me. EVEN over stuff that we agree on! Very strange isn't it??

Anybody else known people like this?

Sting66 · 09-10-2003, 10:42 AM

Yeah, you don't need that. She's the one with the issue here.

Yeah, anyone else know people like that? There seem to be a lot of them, in my opinion!

Regards,
Sting66