what do i do with a husband who is always angry - Anger Management Message Board

yoga1st · 06-30-2003, 02:04 AM

i am married to the most negative person! i don't know what to do anymore , its to the point where i wonder what i am doing with him because i can't stand being around him at all, he is never violent but he gets so ****ed at the smallest things, our tv remote has some issues and doesn't work sometimes you have to play around with it and just today he threw it on the ground twice,then after i fix it he wants it back,, he *****es and *****es constantly i have to tune him out i can walk out of the room and he will still be *****ing the other day he was telling ~*****ing~to me about something someone else did and his face was actually twitching!! it disgusts me so much , i am a very easy going person ,i try not to let things bother me and i think my husband is the only person that can get me mad, i have to constantly tell him that i am not the one who did it~~ (whatever he is telling me about) cause he starts yelling and stuff, he also doesn't take other peoples feelings into consideration when he is ranting and raving , then afterwards he will tell me how sorry he is, then he thinks everything is fine and dandy, it just makes me dislike him more and more.
i read another post where someone said their blood sugar was the cause of there anger,, how do you check for that? he wasn't always like this but the past few years i have just been biting my tongue and i keep telling myself to wait till the kids are out of school then i would leave him.
sorry this is so long , but does anyone have any suggestions on how to deal with his anger? and i have to becareful what i say to him cause he takes everything so personal and he is aways on the defensive , i don't even bother argueing with him because he is always right no matter what and he would argue to the death if i carried on with him ,
i just wish i knew what to do

AnnaCre8s · 06-30-2003, 10:35 AM

Oh yoga1, I'm so sorry. It sounds like my parents. My mother balanced that relationship as she was the exact opposite of my dad - so positive, always looking on the bright side of things, smiling even though underneath she actually walked on pins and needles wondering how he will react, how he'd get up in the morning, etc. Back in those days divorce hardly existed and women made the best of what they got until the kids were grown. Well, Dad passed away and she was in a sense relieved. She was able to live in peace and to this very day I've never seen her happier. Don't get me wrong - she loved him - but, she also feared and hated him. She tells me had it been this day and age she would have divorced him for a partner should bring out the best in you and shuold make you feel safe and happy and feel secure, well, most of the time, at least. I was married twice to men who would fly off the handle for anything, and being that I did too, it was a disaster! Doors were constantly slammed, didn't talk to each other for days, when I was in a good mood he wasn't, he never wanted to come to a compromise, we even saw a counselor and we worked on anger management and I worked on what was truly bothering me that made me angry. I made the effort - he didnt'. So he started drinking. Those were lost years of my life and I'm glad I chose not to have kids. (mommie dearest). maybe not. All I know is that I need someone to balance me, and I have it now (a lot of shopping around). He is very positive, tolerant and makes be be the same and I'm changing although I complain, but, it's usually in gest and I'm happier bellyaching at times, but, people know I playing around, too. Please find a counselor for both of you, or, another relationship, or, live alone for awhile. It is good therapy. I chose to live alone and my BF lives a few doors down and we get along great! Life is too short to spend it with an angry person, the world is in such an angry state as is. Take good care of yourself, for, no one else totally knows what's best for you - only you. Yoga is a great start. Bless you for being the way you are. The world needs more happy souls like you!

, Anna

HeyThere · 07-10-2003, 11:43 AM

Get him to excercise to lose that locked up volcanic adrenaline also folic acid because people who get all wound up cause themselves or have stress/ors which causes the homocystiene levels to go up which cause among many problems heart disease-folic acid a b-vitamin is essential to men and women. Have you tried massage therapy on him. Buy him a B-complex it helps if he is a beer drinker -beer zaps all the B's out of you. Good luck.

brown-iz · 08-19-2003, 12:52 AM

i was in a long term marriage for almost 20 yrs with someone just like you described...not even counseling helped...finally too late in the marriage to save it, he finally started anti depressive medicine. The main question is, how are you doing, and what is this type of situation doing to you? Good luck and remember it's not all about him

wannabehotguy · 08-19-2003, 02:47 PM

I am sorry to hear about your negative husband. One thing I could not stand was my negative Dad. Literally he was filled with doom and gloom. Every remark he made was "did you fail? Did you get beat up? Did the teacher suspend you?" He would always jump to the most drastic and negative conclusions and then when I'd get frustrated with his negative remarks he would blow up with rage and fury acting as if he was the dictator and he was going to hurt and demolish me, which he did many times.

I thought of suicide for many years when I lived with my Dad and mom. My mom is a relativly nice person and does want harmony and peace. I remember when my Dad blew up with rage when I didn't scrub his car correctly and I rolled my eyes at him. He blew up with rage and shoved me to the ground and started kicking me. Then he cussed me out and told me to get up and finish cleaning his car.

I had to live with his pathetic attitude and behavior for 18 years! I can only empathise , I too would like to know what to do around very negative people.

When I get around negative people at school or at work I tend to get very nervous and annoyed and frustrated beyond belief. Most likely because they remind me of how horrible my Dad was to me.

What was really annoying is that when I left his house. I signed up to see a therapist. And this pathetic therapist told me that I need to go thank my Dad for letting me live by myself and thank him for parenting me and doing everything for me. The therapist also told me passive aggresivly that I was not listening to him and that is why he repeats his doom and gloom statements over and over and that he probably is not being heard. WOW, I cannot believe a therapist would down play my feelings and work to maximize the important of an abusive idiot father.

[This message has been edited by wannabehotguy (edited 08-19-2003).]