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Old 04-14-2005, 02:21 AM   #1
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SeeSaw99 HB User
Anger at friend's mooching

Ok, guys, I'm so incredibly angry write now I had to post. I'm going to graduate school in Arizona, and one of my buddies from college recently moved out here, and is now living in the same town as me. He had decided to move back to Ohio to live at his parent's house at the end of April, and I said he could stay at my apartment a FEW days in May if he was a little late getting everything together for the trip back. Now he tells me that he's going to go ahead and stay out here until the end of May to work at his job an extra month. Of course, however, he has already notified his apartment complex that he is leaving at the end of April, and so he now has nowhere to live in May. He is now flat out saying that he'll just go ahead and stay with ME until the end of May. Now, mind you, I have a tiny studio apartment, and so I am going to have to take in all his belongings for a month, as well as make sure I generally keep the same sleep hours as him so no one is disturbed. And I HAVE to take him in, as he's hinted that he'll have nowhere else to go.

Pretty mad about it. In fact, real mad. I'm thinking about telling him he can stay a week to a week and a half, but that is absolutely it. I'm not compromising MY life in MY apartment for the better part of a month. And I actually feel guilty about perhaps being the bad guy and telling him he can't stay that long.

Would love some support on this issue. Won't be able to sleep for a while. Why are people like this?

 
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Old 04-14-2005, 08:30 AM   #2
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lindiana53 HB User
Re: Anger at friend's mooching

Anger is often a response to a feeling of powerlessness. This guy is taking advantage of you and will as long as you allow it. Believe me, if you kick him out, he will find somewhere else to go despite what he says. People like this are very resourceful. If you find it difficult to simply tell him to get out, try a plausible excuse such as your health, landlord's disapproval, whatever. Keep your message simple and direct. Hinting doesn't work with people like this either.

 
Old 04-14-2005, 11:23 PM   #3
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veggie girl HB User
Re: Anger at friend's mooching

Tell him you're not allowed to let people stay coz you live in a studio - tell him its the building management rules.

Some buildings where they rent out small and inexpensive studios actual do have these rules so you'd not be totally lying!

When I rented a very cheap studio apartment years ago, the super stressed that it was for single occupancy only.

Last edited by veggie girl; 04-14-2005 at 11:24 PM.

 
Old 04-15-2005, 04:43 AM   #4
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SeeSaw99 HB User
Re: Anger at friend's mooching

Thanks, both of you, for the support and advice? That stuff just makes me mad, ya know? Like I'm the one who has to help him because he can't handle his own life.

Had to vent.

 
Old 04-15-2005, 11:30 AM   #5
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veggie girl HB User
Re: Anger at friend's mooching

Quote:
Originally Posted by SeeSaw99
Thanks, both of you, for the support and advice? That stuff just makes me mad, ya know? Like I'm the one who has to help him because he can't handle his own life.

Had to vent.
Sometimes the best thing you can do for someone who refuses to do for themselves is to not help - forcing them to do for themselves.

I gotta say, over a month in a studio apartment is a bit long!! If he was a really good friend and just had some bad luck then its okay to put yourself out, but when the person is just irresponsible, then, nah.

 
Old 04-16-2005, 03:14 PM   #6
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Ninispjc HB User
Re: Anger at friend's mooching

Quote:
Originally Posted by veggie girl
Sometimes the best thing you can do for someone who refuses to do for themselves is to not help - forcing them to do for themselves.
I have to agree with this. I had a friend hit me up to move into my one-bedroom apartment, and he was pretty insistent about it, but I held firm, telling him I was sorry I couldn't help him out, it would just be too much stress on my lifestyle. He was like "well, what is it, the lease problem? We can fix this, we can deal with this or that issue" and I had to tell him like three times that I simply couldn't help him out. He didn't get really upset, at least not to my face, but I wouldnt' have cared if he had. He got himself in big trouble and made a mess for himself, and I've had enough of cleaning up other peoples' messes. Been doing it all my life, and I think I'm done. Anyway, he called me the other day and told me he's settled somewhere else, less than a month. He'd probably still be living with me if I'd let him move in. He actually still owes me $40!

 
Old 04-24-2005, 05:32 PM   #7
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shellshocked HB User
Re: Anger at friend's mooching

Boundaries. It sounds like you don't know about boundaries. I am 49---and never heard of them until last year. Now I use them. And I like them.
Your friend is using you. You said he doesn't have a place to go. Yes, he does---your place!!!
You can't change him---but you can set up boundaries that protect your rights (yes you have them!!!! but you've never known it before). Please don't allow your friend or anyone for that matter to take advantage of you. They aren't going to love you for it---they are the sharks---and you're the prey.
It sounds like you are a responsible human-being---and your friend is not. Let him be responsible and accountable for the choices he has made.
Can you imagine calling up the electric company and tell them you can't pay this month??? They would shut your power off! Now turn on your own power---and stop giving it away to people who don't care.

 
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