balea

Hello everyone.
I have just found this board, and I am quite glad I did, because my boyfriend can be a very angry man. I have been with him for four years now. At first he never was angry, it was only a year into the relationship that his outbursts started.

When they do he screams and yells and swears at me, when he is really bad, he pulls his hair or kicks something, like the wardrobe or punches his fist on the floor (fortunately he doesn't get that angry that often)

At the moment we are having a long distance relationship, because he works abroad. Three days ago, I was telling him about my day, and did not think he was listening on the other end of the phone, so I asked him, if he was ( he sometimes doesn't ). He started raving and ranting asking me, how I could moan so much, that i always had to moan, that I ruined his night, that he was p***** off, using the f word, swearing etc, huffing, puffing.
He always changes the facts, because he kept telling me that I had moaned at him something along the lines like "you were not *f-word* listening to me*, when all I did was ask.
He told me he was at a leaving party for some colleague and that he went home now because of me...
Once we were out and I was tired and wanted to go home. He had met this bloke which he got on allright with and started hassling me for wanting to go home.

But it is not just me, he gets upset about. He gets angry when there is a parking ticket or well, just about anything which is not good.
His parents have told me he has been like this already when he was little. They have not done anything to encourage him to attend anger management courses. I have even asked them to talk to him about anger management courses too, but they simply ignored my request, too. This family's way of dealing with problems is to ignore them, which doesn't help either.

I have asked him and told him to do something about it, that there are lots of men suffering from it. He always promises he will do something about it, but always tells me he is scared that they might give him drugs to calm him down. So he will look on the internet for a week, before forgetting about it again.

I know, I am not perfect, but I always considered myself a more positive person than a negative one. But the longer we are together, I feel as if his aggressions poison me from within, I feel bitter and resentful at times towards him. I have tried quarreling back, ignoring him, talking to him.

Although I miss him lots, when I am on my own, I feel much more stable. There is not so much happiness but also not that much misery.

When he is his normal self, he is a kind, loving and caring person.
How do I convince him to get help? How do I convince him to do something about it? What should I do?