Anger, Control & Domestic Violence - Anger Management Message Board

Gianna2 · 06-22-2005, 08:55 PM

For all of you that would like to read an excellent book on the subject, please get yourselves a copy of 'Why Does He Do That - Inside the minds of angry and controlling men" - by Lundy Bandroft.

It is an incredible book on why angry and controlling (and that's the key word folks...controlling!) men think and behave as they do.

It's also a wonderful resource for identifying potential characteristics that can lead to domestic violence. It also explains the cycles of abuse, how sometimes it just starts with verbal abuse, control, jealousy, false accusations and then deals with the physical assaults and how it breaks down the victim's self-esteem and survival instincts. It also explains the 'honeymoon phase', 'ya know, where they are sorry and promise never to do it again and how you learn to believe them. It's good for awhile until they feel they have you again, then when you least expect it.....WHAM! You're being verbally and/or physically assault, yet again!

I got my copy from the library, but any book store can order it for you. I recommend it to anyone that feels that anger has negatively impacted their lives. I'm not talking about normal anger like every human being has felt from time to time, but rather I'm referring to out of control, inappropriate anger that is destructive and hurtful and potentially life-threatening!

I wish I had read this book a long time ago. I am a domestic abuse survivor....at least up until this point anyway. It took a long time for me to realize this because I used to think it was just alcohol related (he is an alcoholic)!

I have a permanent restraining order against by ex-live in boyfriend now. It's hard to deal with, because I still love him. But what messed me up more than anything was loving someone that could and has physcially assaulted me. I had to choose between loving him or loving, and protecting myself. What a trap that can be.

I would be interested in others sharing their personal experiences with domestic violence, what you have done, where you are now with it...did you stay? Did you leave?, etc.

This is such an important issue that more people need to become aware of!

Gianna

kerry1 · 06-23-2005, 03:11 PM

That's such an important issue. A lot of women get beaten & raped, I hate to say, but many more are verbally and emotionally terrorized by controlling men. They don't realize they're victims because they're not being physically injured. The perpetrators are not criminals, yet they instill fear in their wives & girlfriends. I'm one of those "unknowing victims", or used to be.

I believe that this society has low expectations of men and that they have more self-control than they (and we) expect them to. Gee whiz, they can become soldiers, senators, brain surgeons - why can't they control their tempers????????? I think they can. They shouldn't have to be the "enemy". I just don't get it sometimes.