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Old 06-06-2006, 08:55 AM   #1
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neversaynever HB User
angry boyfriend - always has to be right

hello,
i have been dating the same guy off and on for over 6 years now. he clearly has anger issues, however, he has never become violent. the thing that really bothers me is that he always tells me how EVERYONE i know treats me like sh**. then he will go on and on about what i should do about it. then, if i don't agree with him and take his advice (which is usually very unrealistic) he gets really mad at me. we have fights about this often and he stays mad at me for days. the only way to make things better is if i kiss his a** and apologize over and over again. i'm not even sure why i'm apologizing anymore... i just do it so things will be better again. he always makes it sound like he's trying to "protect" me and that it's because he doesn't want people walking all over me, but i have pretty good instincts and i honestly think he's overreacting. how do i handle this???

thanks!

 
Old 06-06-2006, 08:59 AM   #2
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Re: angry boyfriend - always has to be right

and you're with him WHY ??

what exactly does he do to enhance your life?

I think you're with him out of guilt because you feel sorry for him. I've felt like that before, when I know I'm being treated badly, but I feel sorry for him.

Could that be true?

 
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Old 06-06-2006, 09:14 AM   #3
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Re: angry boyfriend - always has to be right

i'm not sure sometimes. that's why it's so on and off. he's funny, caring, i love his family and he probably knows me better than anyone else. i do love him, but i know that doesn't mean i should stay with him b/c he acts like this. there are other people out there that would treat me better.

i think a lot of it does have to do with guilt... as well as me not liking confrontation, being comfortable with the relationship and me not wanting to deal with him when i try to break it off with him. i think he's the only one that gets away with walking all over me... but he would never see it that way.

 
Old 06-06-2006, 03:42 PM   #4
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Re: angry boyfriend - always has to be right

Ah He must be my B/F`s brother!! haha. I go through the same thing. Only from now im gonna humor him and when crap backfires it can blow up in his face. For example todays was this:
We have 2 boys and a girl together. both boys are 8 years old same grade in school. one boy is his one is mine well tomorrow they have a field trip and friday they have whats called a field day. both days they need bagged lunches. he called from lunch i said "on your way home grab some juicy boxes for their lunches on weds and fri" he said "they dont need 2..the trip is friday" i said "NO the trip is tomorrow and friday is field DAY" well that was it he got the boxes came home and INSISTED on arguing more about it. so i said "Honey i told you on the phone this afternoon tomorrow is trip and friday is field day" and he yells "IM SO SICK OF THE ATTITUDE" first of all i had no attitude but hes gonna see one soon so he knows the difference!. Another thing is yesterday i was planting my flowers out front and i left the little shovel out there and a bag of weeds cuz i got a migraine (daily migraine sufferer) i came in to lay down and hes running all over the house saying "what do you want done with that stuff out there" "i know ill be the one picking it up" he always does this to me when im sick with a headache (i mean vomiting and cant stand light) he bangs stuff and walks around the house huffing and puffing. i havent been feeling good for a long time and he offers no support he only makes me worry about more and puts more responsibility on me then i already have. Any other day he doesnt care about things laying around. im always following behind him picking up his trails!!!! and hes always complaining if i leave something behind. im sick of it. he says im gonna end up like his aunt when she doesnt take her medication. well you know what? in the state ive been in for a month now i strongly feel he has put me here. I cant offer any advice to anyone else who is dealing with a man thats always thinking they are right because im going through it and really the case is HE NEVER is right. i could go on for hours haha

 
Old 06-07-2006, 06:32 PM   #5
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Re: angry boyfriend - always has to be right

I"ll ask the same as rosequartz...and why are you with him? (them).
Neversaynever, don't you want a husband and family? After 6 yrs, you should realize this is the wrong guy. Figure out why you're settling for this crap and move on with your life.
Worried1977, I can't believe you're bragging you have 3 children with a male who treats you like that. And he's only a b/f, won't even commit to you and his children. He sounds like a great role model for your children. Your boys are going to grow up thinking it's 'natural' to treat women like poop and your daughter will expect it from a male.

 
Old 06-08-2006, 09:14 AM   #6
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Re: angry boyfriend - always has to be right

Worried1977, how was your boyfriend raised? i'm asking this b/c i think that has a lot to do with how my boyfriend turned out. his parents divorced when he was a baby and she pretty much did EVERYTHING for him. he still doesn't know how to do laundry or cook. i try everything to get him to learn, but he always has an excuse. it seems like if there's something going on with you, your boyfriend is ****** b/c he's not getting the attention. my mom was like this with my father and my boyfriend is exactly the same. i get migraines a couple times a week and the most he's done for me is order out for dinner so i don't have to cook. you sound like you're in a worse situation than me.

yes, i do want to have a family. i want to be happy and in a good relationship. i think i'm still in it b/c i see potential and it's not everyday i find someone i care about like i do him. i seem to worry about other people more than myself though, so i know i need to work on that. maybe then i'll be able to move on.

 
Old 06-14-2006, 02:10 PM   #7
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Re: angry boyfriend - always has to be right

Quote:
Originally Posted by neversaynever
hello,
i have been dating the same guy off and on for over 6 years now. he clearly has anger issues, however, he has never become violent. the thing that really bothers me is that he always tells me how EVERYONE i know treats me like sh**. then he will go on and on about what i should do about it. then, if i don't agree with him and take his advice (which is usually very unrealistic) he gets really mad at me. we have fights about this often and he stays mad at me for days. the only way to make things better is if i kiss his a** and apologize over and over again. i'm not even sure why i'm apologizing anymore... i just do it so things will be better again. he always makes it sound like he's trying to "protect" me and that it's because he doesn't want people walking all over me, but i have pretty good instincts and i honestly think he's overreacting. how do i handle this???

thanks!

whoa! that sounds just like my boyfriend~ he tells me how my bestfriend treats me like crap, then gets angry with me cause i like her and theres no way im dumping her for him.
he always in a bad mood and its so hard to have fun with him and i never know what will set him off! i try not to irratae him . he never gets physcial or anything like that. i hate going out in public with him in case he shouts at me infront of people but besides all that he is really sweet and i know i can trust him. i cant belive youve managed to stay with him for six years! i've been dating my bf for 8 months and his mood swings are really starting to wear me down, anythime i decide ill leave him he does something nice and i forgive him. i do love his nice side. but i dont know how long i can take his moddyness, i would break up with him but he loves me to bits and i dont know if i could ever break his heart,

 
Old 06-22-2006, 03:16 AM   #8
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Re: angry boyfriend - always has to be right

I am in exactly the same place as you with my boyfriend of 2 years. He is so unpredictable and I never know what is going to set him off - it can be the most innocent remark. Every time he goes off into that dark place he becomes totally unreasonable. For example last night he was helping me to prepare dinner and cutting up some spring onions - he then progressed onto the strawberries. When I asked him (politely) to use a different knife otherwise the strawberries would taste of onion he stormed off in a strop and accused me of 'talking down' to him. The whole evening gradually disintegrated as he then brought up every other little annoyance from the past. At times like these I find it best to be quiet as he takes offence at everything I say. Each time he acts like this I am determined to end the relationship. I spent the night not being able to sleep and all churned up inside. It is a form of abuse albeit not a physical one. However, I know the mood will pass and he will be lovely again - generous, tender and caring. All my resolve will then vanish until the next time.

 
Old 06-23-2006, 12:35 PM   #9
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Worried1977 HB User
Re: angry boyfriend - always has to be right

NJOYLIFE-

been so long since i posted this i nearly forgot i even did. i NEVER was bragging about having 3 children with someone that not commiting.anyways if you would of read my post you would of noticed one son is his and one is mine and we share a daughter together.

we NEVER argue in front of children NEVER NEVER so it was very wrong of you to say "what a nice role model" more importanly i respect your opinion but maybe you need to ease up a little bit. this is a discussion board where people go to speak with others about the same problems. dont respond to my posts with rude comments TELLING ME HOW MY CHILDREN WILL GROW UP AND HOW THEY WILL ACT. did this happen to you or something?

NEVERSAYNEVER-
hello ill now answer your question
He was raised with a very religious family. never any trouble there. its just hes used to having his way and now that im here thats just not gonna happen. if something is done i dont like then i speak my mind and say "no..id rather do it this way" "how about we compromise" im highly upset with the posters comments. im the ONE who is not rushing into a marriage (commitment) why? do we need to be married? we have talked about and im the one that doesnt want to right now. as for him being a great role model? hes done nothing but taught these kids to be responsible and wants the best for them. he opened my sons bank account for him and put thousands of dollars in it for him and hes not even his "blood" son. not to mention the other accounts for his son and OUR daughter! so yeah id say hes a pretty DAMN good role model.

As for the little spats between him and i..we always deal with them. everyone does. the reason why i posted was because it was a similair situation as neversaynever was dealing with.

 
Old 06-29-2006, 05:37 PM   #10
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Re: angry boyfriend - always has to be right

My boyfriend was the same way with me when we first started going out. He didn't like any of my family members or friends or my roommates because he thought that they treated me like crap which they didn't. We have been together for two years now and he has gradually changed, he also had alot of anger issues but not anymore. He saw it as being over protective. But I just think that he was being overally jealous and insecure because he had low self esteem. He probably didn't want me to spend time with anyone else but him.
Another thing is that you said that you find what he tells you to do is unrealistic and he probably thinks it is too. That's why you shouldn't apologize to him afterwards, because although he might find it unrealistic in his mind your apology will make him feel like he is right and he will keep doing it.

I'm not going to tell you that you should break up with him. But I think you should tell him how you feel and that you don't like it when he does this cause it drives you away from him. If he considers it and changes his ways then you should stay with him, if he doesn't then he obviously doesn't care about your feelings and you should move on.

 
Old 08-21-2006, 06:37 PM   #11
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keyer HB User
Re: angry boyfriend - always has to be right

6 YEARS OFF AND ON,HE NEVER HURTS ME, wait a minute,youre obviously not happy,dont make excuses for him,if he is trying to change you he doesnt accept you for who you are,that never works in relationships ,move on while you can

 
Old 08-22-2006, 05:09 AM   #12
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marshmallow HB User
Re: angry boyfriend - always has to be right

One of the things I noticed with men that are angry and tell you others are abusing you. In reality what they are trying to do is control you by making you think others are not good to you and then allienate you from them so you rely totally on them. Anger and controll are never good ingredients for a relationship. Please think about it and realize you have control over your own life.

 
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