This is my first post. I have lurked on this board for quite a while and finally decided to speak up and put my own two cents in here.
Throughout my life, I have always been an angry person. I have frequent flare-ups of anger and rage. Once, anger management was suggested to me. I refused it because I couldn't imagine a life without it. It was and is so much a part of me that I feel were I not to have it anymore I would cease to be me.
Having multiple personality disorders which blend and conflict with each other, I have learned to supress my emotions to the extent that I can no longer identify many of them.
One of the emotions I have no problem identifying is anger. Because I CAN recognize it I almost embrace it when events happen that make me feel this emotion. I can honestly say I almost welcome it because it allows me to feel something I understand.
For instance... a friend of mine is going through some legal problems. Because I know this person well and because I know all that this person has gone through to bring them to this situation and because I know that my friend is in the right, I have taken it upon myself to do some of the necessary research online.
The more I talk to my friend and the more I talk to other people who are now opening up about what they have also witnessed concerning my friend's situation, I am learning more and more that my friend has indeed been wronged and wronged terribly.
This, of course, has made me angry. I again find myself embracing it and I believe I am actually "feeding" off of it. I have thrown myself wholeheartedly into the cause and have found avenues to take that will help my friend out greatly. Some of these avenues will involve others who are more or less in the way of justice being done.
My anger is such that I really don't care who is harmed or who is involved just as long as my friend comes out on top in this situation.
Oh, don't get me wrong... this is all on the up and up... it's just that these others who are standing in the line of fire have skeletons of their own and issues that they probably do not want exposed but will have them revealed nonetheless only because it is necessary in order for me to help my friend win the battle.
In my doing what I intend, these other people face possible prison terms, unemployment, homelessness, loss of their children and of course the ruination of their reputations and credibility. They face this all because they are standing in my way of seeing my friend's situation come to the satisfactory conclusion that I feel my friend deserves.
I am not angry at these other people... I really, under any other circumstances, would not wish harm to come to them. However, as I said, they are harboring the offender which has caused all of this anger and my anger is such that I don't care if I create untold hardships to them just to reach my objective.
In all of this... I am allowing my anger to be the fuel I am using in this battle. I am allowing it full reign so that I can achieve my goal. I am "feeding" off of it and letting it take over so that I can do what needs to be done.
And I am thankful in this to my friend who has included me, who has made it possible for me to feel anger of this magnitude because it allows me to feel something. It allows me to feel an emotion I recognize.
Because of this anger I feel more alive than I have in a while.
If anger management isn't for you, then what about therapy to help you recognize and embrace all the other emotions you are missing out on? Maybe you do recognize them already...
Well, you must recognize happiness or joy, since it seems you get that out of your anger.
You also are getting happiness and excitment at the prospect of what will happen to the people against your friend.
And you must recognize the feelings that satisfaction brings, or else you wouldn't be so gung ho to fight for your friend.
You also can feel sympathy (for your friend) yet you also show that you have no remorse for the things you may cause to have happen to other people, all for the sake of you being angry.
All of theses are different emotions. Your body (checmically) at least is recognizing these or else you wouldn't even bother being angry. there wouldn't be a rush or a thrill in it. It would be dull and not worth your time.
I don't know the details of what happened to your friend, so maybe your determination is justified. But you said you are going to ruin a lot of people's lives who you aren't even angry at. Who didn't even hurt your friend. You'd just be doing that to get off on your anger.
Anger is an emotion, not a weapon. Or a means to an end.
i think what youre doing isnt right or healthy. you say anger management wasnt for you, did you give it a chance at all? like fireball says, maybe another form of therapy is right for you, but you have to give it a try. What youre doing now might end up making you have an ulcer because of all the angry feelings. You are trying to justify the anger feelings by saying it or you are helping your friend. I think its not healthy at all to feel no other emotions but anger. Like fireball says, you are missing a range of other healthy emotions that are needed to live a mentally healthy life.
The lack of remorse is scary. This can grow and lead to other things that you might end up doing without remorse simply because you justify it as doing or having anger for the right reasons. This isnt true and will end up being detrimental to your mental and physical health if it continues.
At this point i think in my opinion, you are in great need of some kind of therapy because the road you are "choosing", and you are choosing it, is the wrong road. When you say you dont care if it hurts the families of these men that hurt your friend, when you say you dont care if it hurts the children, then there is something terribly wrong with you, that may or may not be obvious to you. Anger is a healthy emotion, everyone gets angry, but its what you do with the anger that determines if you are doing the right or wrong thing. From what you are saying, you have no conscious or remorse who you might end up hurting thru your anger in trying to find justice for your friend.
You say you feed off your anger, some people do, whether its right or wrong depends on what you do with that anger, and its not simply to satisfy your need for justice for your friend. Your way is the wrong way. You might end up doing things that you might or might not regret later on ( i say might not because you seem to not have remorse over your way of thinking), things that are not socially or legally accepted.
In my opinion i suggest you run, not walk to the nearest therapist , because from where i stand, the lack of remorse, the feeding off the anger, the not feeling other emotions, is usually what makes a sociopath. Here is an excerpt from a website and of course im no doctor, this is strictly my opinion:
Sociopathy is chiefly characterized by something wrong with the person's conscience. They either don't have one, it's full of holes like Swiss cheese, or they are somehow able to completely neutralize or negate any sense of conscience or future time perspective. Sociopaths only care about fulfilling their own needs and desires - selfishness and egocentricity to the extreme. Everything and everybody else is mentally twisted around in their minds as objects to be used in fulfilling their own needs and desires. They often believe they are doing something good for society, or at least nothing that bad.
READ that last sentence again.
Just curious...right now you have an "avenue" that you feel is a good place to be using all this anger--but this situation is going to end at some point, what do you plan to do with your anger then? Keep finding "causes" that allow you to be angry in a "socially acceptable" way? I'm not saying you aren't helping your friend, as you have given no clue as to what you're doing, but anger is an emotion that cannot run your life and give you any hope for peaceful, healthy relationships. I have known many angry people, and I always looked at them with such wonder at WHY they were ALWAYS so angry at the stupidest things? They seeme d to never be bale to take joy in the simplest things. Constant, urelenting anger is definitely a sign of a major underlying problem. I agree 100% with the previous post....you need to look for some help, fro yourself and those around you. I have a brother who is sociopathic and that description was chilling it was so "on". That is exactly how he acts. Plus he is angry at someone or something all the time. Nothing is ever his fault. At age 54 he has been expelled from 2 Med Schools, married and divorced 3 times, bankrupted at least 3 times, estranged from all his children (5) and all his siblings. Of course, it's not HIS fault, it's all ours. He lives on the street, he begs for money and he is the angriest person I've ever known. Yep, anger served him well.
i think the act of being angry about something that is definatley wrong, is healthy. it makes ME angry, to see people, myself included being walked all over, pushed around, used, mistreated, misjudged etc etc. and those things make me very very very angry. theres not much i can do about it, but if someone makes me angry, say a complete stranger at the grocery store who just straight up mistreats me or is RUDE and probably doesn't even realize it, im the kind of person who WILL tell them, i will point it out. because it does make me angry. now ive been told many many times i have a bad attitude and i shouldnt be like that. "i should let it go" but if everyone in the world has the attitude, "ill let it go" then NO ONE will ever be forced to face up to their actions. my wrongs have been pointed out to me time and time again, and eventually, i started to except some things i was definatley doing wrong, and changed them. if no one had of ever been mad at me enough to TELL ME how i was acting, what i was doing wrong, i would probably never noticed. because i ,just like most people, am self absorbed and selfish , becuase its human nature. like the old saying learn from your mistakes and others mistakes, u can't possibly live long enough to make them all yourself. its true. if i see say excuse me to someone more than TWICE, when im certian they heard me the first time, i do something about it now. i get around them one way or another, because they're going to realize they are NOT the only person in the world that matters. just an example, i was in a certian store, and a certian employee would not check me out. i stood there for 5 min. waiting on her to say she could check me out..... finally, another cashier came to the front and checked me out. but while i was there, another person walked up and the girl that looked me up and down and ignored me standing there, told a guy she could "check him out over here"
of course the guy was young, she was young. im young. im 20.. they couldnt have been any older. she wouldnt check me out because there was nothing in it for her. her job doesnt matter to her. she does not deserve the money shes making working there, because shes not working. i said something about it, it angered me. i yelled as i walked out of the store I APPRECIATE THAT ***** OVER THERE CHECKING OUT A GUY TO FLIRT WITH, BUT SHE WONT CHECK ME OUT. and the lady who actually did check me out looked kinda dumbfounded that i would scream this in the middle of the store, and said who are u talking about mam.... so i pointed my finger at the girl and said that ***** right there, quite loudly. customers did hear me. she looked right at me and heard me. her co worker should be angered that shes not doing **** and making her co worker do all the work. thats what goes on at MY job. but i dont stand for it anymore. and even though everyone might tell me therse something wrong wtih ME.... i think its the other way around, i think theres something wrong with all these people who are making me angry. im just theo nly one with guts enough to speak up about it. so i agre, sometimes anger IS healthy, and it DOES make u feel better to vent that anger, and why vent it on your friends,family,husband/wife /boyfriend/girlfriend when u could vent it DIRECTLY on the person thats causing the anger in the first place. now of course theres a limit to what u can say in public or who u can speak to that way especially government people, doctors, people with guns,, ETC. but if the chance is there, im taking it. and the times that i HAVE spoken up when i was angry at someone, i forgot all about it by the next day. the times when i held it in, and let it slide, were the times when i had to tell any1 and every1 how MAD i was about something, and i had several different things running through my head i wished i could have said but didnt.
you cant listen when people say "dont let things make you angry"
when we all start not letting things make us angry, we're letting the BAD people who make us angry, win.
my opinion !