I have a tendency to us humor in a cruel way. I have been told be friends that my humor can be abusive. Because I hit the sensitive spots and I don't know how to quit. But usuallly I don't realize when I have gone to far or treaded the sensitive. I also seem to only point out all the things wrong with a person. I recognize the good, but I never acknowledge it to others. Also, when I don't get my way I put others down unjustly. Any thoughts on how to stop doing this?
Hi Calamity, to me it sounds a little manipulative and passive aggressive. Passive because you really cannot stand up to people. What sorts of things are you talking about that you don't get your way with? I am an adult and no one else has power or control over me and I think that you are an adult too. I think you know why you don't acknowledge the good in people. What comes to my mind is jealousy? If I am right about any of this how to correct it would be to learn how to stand up to people so that you can deal with things directly instead of in a manipulative way. I think that thinking about your boundaries would help also because as an adult you really should be making a lot of your own decisions or be able to compromise with others and feel okay about it.
Calamity, people who are keen to point out other people's faults or shortcomings are often trying to make themselves look better by making others look worse. If you were truly happy and content with yourself you would be happy to acknowledge others' good points. You may, of course, also be quick-witted and good with words, in which case you can use these abilities to make your put-downs amusing.
I can't help wondering if at some stage in your life, maybe as a child, you were treated in this way by someone, perhaps a parent or teacher? If so, you may have learned to behave in this way without really realising you were doing it and that's why your friends have had to point out to you that you are actually being abusive, albeit in a humorous way. The good thing is that you have friends who take the trouble (and the risk) to tell you how you come across to others, so now that you know what you're doing you can make an effort to change. I think you will feel much happier if you start acknowledging other people's good points rather than emphasising the bad, and other people will find you a much nicer person to be with.
Well, I thought about it. I have been this ways since the beginning of elementary school. That was about a year after my parents divorce and I was a latchkey kid. My humor is like the kind in sitcoms, not meant to be mean-but funny.
Calamity, if it started after your parents divorce could it be a way for you to express anger (you did choose the anger board to post this under)? Maybe you do not want to admit/address your anger so you disguise it as humor in order to express it?