It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Anger Management Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 02-28-2007, 09:57 PM   #1
Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Rockford, IL
Posts: 363
kirsten07 HB User
my boyfriend has anger problem

my boyfriend of over a year definately has an anger problem. little stuff makes him mad, he yells alot and gets irritated easily etc etc etc. he has gotten a little better from when we first started dating but not enough for me to be satisfied. he says he just 'cannot control it', i disagree!! what should i do for him or suggest for him to do? he has ADHD, could this be causing some of it?

 
Old 03-01-2007, 03:56 AM   #2
Inactive
(female)
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: United States
Posts: 589
MoonLight0 HB User
Re: my boyfriend has anger problem

I'm in the same situation as you and honestly I don't know what to do about it. My bf and I have been together for almost 3 years and I'm not one to just throw away 3 years of my life on a relationship I worked so hard for.
He definitely has the same issues though, gets angry over very little things (in fact he hasn't talked to me in the past few days because he's angry over a stupid incident from last weekend).
I'm not the only one who notices this either, his family complains about it also, but no one can make him do anything about it since he's old enough (22)to take care of himself. He's just so immature.

You did mention ADHD and though that has its own issues, I don't think it should contribute significantly to his anger.
I wish I could suggest something to you, but I'm looking for answers myself. I wish you the best of luck with whatever (if anything) you decide to do to help him.

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 03-06-2007, 03:11 PM   #3
Newbie
(male)
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: uk
Posts: 4
Dr. Sarf HB User
Re: my boyfriend has anger problem

Quote:
Originally Posted by MoonLight0 View Post
His family complains about it also, but no one can make him do anything about it since he's old enough (22)to take care of himself. He's just so immature.

OK,
If this guy has a genuine problem then he should be able to turn to his family for support, they shouldn't be "complaining". And to label him immature; do you think that helps him? I'm going through something similar but with some other issues attached and I've so far found the support from medical personnel, GPs, friends and even the Samaritans to be none too helpful. So if I were to approach my family and be greated with the attitude pointed out above, I don't think my situation would be helped.

If he's with a genuine problem, its not down to immaturity. Perhaps he needs someone to talk to, or something in his life to change. I don't know what I need to help me, I've been searching for that answer for near on 5 years now but I know that having your family and friends turn their back on you, only makes things worse.
Talk to him

 
Old 03-06-2007, 03:18 PM   #4
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
rosequartz's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Chicago,IL
Posts: 10,377
rosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB User
Re: my boyfriend has anger problem

Quote:
Originally Posted by kirsten07 View Post
my boyfriend of over a year definately has an anger problem. little stuff makes him mad, he yells alot and gets irritated easily etc etc etc. he has gotten a little better from when we first started dating but not enough for me to be satisfied. he says he just 'cannot control it', i disagree!! what should i do for him or suggest for him to do? he has ADHD, could this be causing some of it?
time to find a new boyfriend....one who doesn't have an anger problem.
if he can't control it, he needs to get some help, and you need to get out of his immediate vicinity.......it's only a matter of time that you get a black eye or worse......verbal abuse frequently turns into physical abuse....
you don't need it.

 
Old 03-06-2007, 03:22 PM   #5
Newbie
(male)
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: uk
Posts: 4
Dr. Sarf HB User
Re: my boyfriend has anger problem

Are we in a society where someone is guilty of something before they have actually done anything? There's no guarantee he's gonna "lash" out here.
Partners are supposed to be there to support eachother. If you love the guy, why not try to help him?

 
Old 03-06-2007, 03:24 PM   #6
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
rosequartz's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Chicago,IL
Posts: 10,377
rosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB User
Re: my boyfriend has anger problem

he's ALREADY verbally abusive.....why wait until he hurts you?

 
Old 03-06-2007, 04:29 PM   #7
Newbie
(male)
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: uk
Posts: 4
Dr. Sarf HB User
Re: my boyfriend has anger problem

so it means that physical violence is DEFINATELY his next step???

 
Old 03-07-2007, 07:28 AM   #8
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
rosequartz's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Chicago,IL
Posts: 10,377
rosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB User
Re: my boyfriend has anger problem

Quote:
Originally Posted by kirsten07 View Post
my boyfriend of over a year definately has an anger problem. little stuff makes him mad, he yells alot and gets irritated easily etc etc etc. he has gotten a little better from when we first started dating but not enough for me to be satisfied. he says he just 'cannot control it', i disagree!! what should i do for him or suggest for him to do? he has ADHD, could this be causing some of it?

he says he cannot control it......who can say what he will do next

 
Old 03-07-2007, 01:49 PM   #9
Member
(male)
 
Join Date: Dec 2000
Location: Connecticut
Posts: 50
Dave109 HB User
Re: my boyfriend has anger problem

give the guy a chance. Maybe you do things that **** him off. Give him a chance and what's this about "go out and find a new boyfriend"?? You make it like gettin a bf is like gettin a box of donuts.

 
Old 03-08-2007, 04:16 AM   #10
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Shropshire
Posts: 16
NeedaHug HB User
Re: my boyfriend has anger problem

I think that there is some underlying issue here and he really does need to address what is really setting him off, living with this makes everyone miserable including the person exhibiting the behaviour.

My boyf was a British Soldier and did a year in Northern Ireland, more than once he has been shot at and has seen people that he went through basic training with die. I think he probably has PTS as a result of this but until he's prepared to talk he won't get any better.

As for the violence i totally disagree with that, never in my 5 years with him has he hit my, i know that if he did i'd be dead meat. However i know for a fact that he just wouldn't do it plain and simple.

Not all men are monsters even though they can appear to be at times. Sometimes a little bit of love and compassion is all that is required.

When the time is right to walk away you'll/we'll know about it. To walk away beacuse you have been convinced by others too will not resolve the issue, if anything it will make you more miserable.

 
Old 03-08-2007, 10:08 AM   #11
Newbie
(male)
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: uk
Posts: 4
Dr. Sarf HB User
Re: my boyfriend has anger problem

What a fantastic post. Glad there's another female on here seeing things from outside the box!

 
Old 03-14-2007, 02:26 AM   #12
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Shropshire
Posts: 16
NeedaHug HB User
Re: my boyfriend has anger problem

I have the ability to be able to see things from all angles sometimes which as an outsider you can do without biase.

I think that this discussion appears to be split onto sides, yet no one has asked....


Kirsten - how are you?

 
Old 03-18-2007, 03:11 PM   #13
Member
(male)
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Ohio
Posts: 62
david614 HB User
Re: my boyfriend has anger problem

Quote:
Originally Posted by kirsten07 View Post
he says he just 'cannot control it', i disagree!!
I don't buy the "I just cannot control it" excuse either.

I few years ago I had a buddy who was know for his short fuse. One day while walking through a crowd, some smaller guy accidently bumped into him. My buddy got all upset and hostile and threatened to beat the guy up. As I dragged him away he was going on about how "people like that make me mad. I just can't control it." It wasn't five minutes later that someone else accidently bumped into him. Only this time the guy who bumped into him looked like a professional wrestler. Guess what? My buddy "controlled it."

At least some people with anger management issues ARE immature and are just looking for a way to act out. If they think they can get away with it, they go off. If they determine that going off might result in a trip to the dentist to get implants to replace the teeth they lost in the confrontation, they manage to control themselves.

 
Old 03-23-2007, 08:46 AM   #14
Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: NY
Posts: 85
jkitty HB User
Re: my boyfriend has anger problem

My boyfriend has anger issues too. He would never harm me and he rants to me but indirectly. He's not yelling at me about something that I am donig wrong. He's just generally ****** off about traffic, his probation officer, his alternative work force, his substance abuse program and he's tired of having to be told what to do by others.

I think he has an anxiety issue because he always works things up. It puts me on edge and it is starting to wear on our relationship because he asks me why I don't talk to him anymore. I just ignore his complaining to the best of my ability and we have lost our connection and communication.

If you want to help your boyfriend you have to find out why he has such a short fuse. Mine says it's an opiate attitude because he can't have them anymore. But he's going to the pshyciatrist on monday and hopefully he can determine the cause of his anger because it debilatates his life. I mean how is he going to hold a job if he snaps all the time and can't handle authority. How is he going to maintain a healthy relationship if I don't feel I can communicate with him. Or I would just rather be away from him because I don't want to hear his mouth.

Anyway, just because he's angry all the time and vents doesn't mean he is going to be abusive. Yeah it's a downer and no one wants to hear it but is he yelling at you about things you are doing or is he just complaining about his life? If he's yelling AT you than it's verbal abuse. I still hate it that my boyfriend is angry all the time but he's yelling about things outside of our relationship that have nothing to do with me. It still needs to be corrected for my peace of mind though.

Anyhow, If your boyfriend can't control his temper maybe he needs to see a psychiatrist or a counselor to talk about it. Maybe the counseling could teach him to react differently to situations. But there's nothing you can do about it, he has to want to change. So you either have to accept that this is how you are going to live your life and work on trying to help him with his anger problems or find someone that doesn't have anger problems. Because it's going to take alot of work on his part and he's gonig to have to accept that he has a problem that he wants to fix.

Not everyone that has rage issues would beat a woman. Every man that beats women has rage issues. I mean I've had road rage before but that doesn't mean that I would get out of my car and pull someone out of thier car and punch them. If you feel that he oversteps your boundaries by all means get out of the relationship but I wouldn't assume his yelling would lead to hitting unless he is threatening and overbearing physically during his outbursts.

 
Old 03-23-2007, 08:54 AM   #15
Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: NY
Posts: 85
jkitty HB User
Re: my boyfriend has anger problem

Oh I wanted to add that I have ADHD. I overreact to situations easily and am on medication for the ADHD which has helped. I do have a temper and I used to have anxiety really bad as well but I am working on it. I think my boyfriend might have it as well. I brought home alot of literature for him to look through and discuss with his dr. on Monday. But I am not the Dr. so I don't know maybe it's something else.

Anyhow I just wanted to say that the ADHD does make you overreact to situations and to misinterprit meanings of what people are saying and how they are acting. It makes you impulsive, hyperactive, easily bored, take risks, etc... Read up on it online. Is your boyfriend taking anything for his ADHD?

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
why is my boyfriend so angry? lisah10 Relationship Health 8 12-19-2008 07:15 PM
boyfriend past anger problems mannie8 Anger Management 3 04-23-2007 01:01 PM
My boyfriend has trouble with anger kirsten07 Anger Management 5 08-09-2006 06:13 PM
Ex-boyfriend still in my head, and I want him out! plasva Relationship Health 5 04-29-2006 09:48 AM
my boyfriend has a split personality ellie87 Relationship Health 9 02-20-2006 05:36 AM




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Sign Up Today!

Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

I want my free account

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 03:19 AM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!