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Old 07-17-2007, 08:39 AM   #1
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Henrysmum HB User
Anger Management

has anyone had any sucess with anger management counselling? I have been trying to persuade my husband into doing something about his violent temper for years but after an outburst thing s just blow over and get back to mormal for a while, and it gets swept under the carpet. Two years ago after I suffered numerous bruises after being pushed from one end of the house to another then pinned down ,I was going to leave him and I think it frightened him so he agreed to anger management but nothing ever came of it. The lat two years havent been too bad, apart from the odd go at the kids and abusing the dog he hasnt laid a finger on me. But last night he blew up over absolutely nothing.. The bedroom door is broken, and I woud have been too if I had spoken a word, I just walked away and slept in my 13 year old sons bed all night. i really dont know what to do. I have had slaps, pushes, head buts from him in the past and one slap actually knocked my crown out and I had to lie to the dentist. Any advice would be appreciated thanks

 
Old 07-18-2007, 05:26 AM   #2
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marshmallow HB User
Re: Anger Management

I do not want to sound harsh but you and your family are being abused. If behavior no matter what causes it is not acceptable. I speak from experience. I live with abuse and fear for too long and then we separated. I loved my husband very much but could not live with abuse. I am suffering now from the affects of it. You should not live with violence. There are groups you can seek out that will help you. Don't you know that abusing an animal is wrong too? Even when they take it out on the furniture and house that is not right. I am now living with grief as my husband passed away while we were separated. It will take me a long time to get over the abuse and wondering what was wrong with me to allow it for as long as I did. I was fortunate I got out with my life but some are not so lucky. Please think about what I am saying. This is dangerous. Think about what this is doing to you 13 yr old.

Last edited by marshmallow; 07-18-2007 at 05:27 AM.

 
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Old 07-18-2007, 09:39 AM   #3
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Henrysmum HB User
Re: Anger Management

Thanks for you reply marshmallow and i am so sorry about what you are going through
.I feel as though I am banging my head against a brick wall. Today we sat down for a talk and,as ever he doesnt think he has a problem. because it doesnt happen that often and he says ' i dont come home from the pub and beat you daily' I just dont know what to do, Ive tried to plead with him to get some counselling, but he just says life isnt ideal and everyone has problems.. i feel so depressed, I really dont want to split, I think about what it would do to our son, but then i promised myself the other night I would take action and stick to my word.

 
Old 07-19-2007, 11:41 PM   #4
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stevie_23 HB Userstevie_23 HB User
Re: Anger Management

Oh god. You need to get him to SEE things from a NORMAL point of view! He isn't understanding how his actions really are. For him to REALLY think that his actions aren't bad because they're not every day or whatever, well, that's just STUPID and delusional!

Ok, that's the first problem. Another major problem is that he KNOWS how you feel about it, even if HE himself doesn't understand why (which is the above problem), so he should CARE about that! But he doesn't...I can't even believe he said life isn't ideal and all that CRAP! He clearly either doesn't care about you at all, or he is in complete denial about this.

Another problem is that he abuses the dog????? NOBODY in their right mind would EVER physically abuse an animal! (and especially not their own PET) You are aware that if he hurts the dog, he could basically do ANYTHING, right?

Does he hurt your son? That wouldn't be a shock if he did. He hits and shoves his own wife and abuses his pet...hmm? NOT a good situation.

It is not a loving or functional or happy marriage here. You MUST do something about it.

If you love him, and I believe you do (despite his actions), you should tell him, "THIS is how I feel about how you behave. If you do not understand why, then you have an even bigger problem than what is already evident from your destructive and hurtful (violent) behaviour. I must leave you unless you show that you are willing to change this behaviour, because NOBODY should live like this." Or something along those lines...

I mean, if he saw some guy in the street hit you, would he be outraged and appalled? (most people would be to see someone hit ANYBODY, even a stranger, but if I, for instance, saw my partner being abused by someone, oh my god, I'd kill them!!) Because if so, then he's a total hypocrite and doesn't understand anything, because he's doing it to you himself...*sigh*

Good luck. You have to do something. Your husband is the LAST person you should ever fear.

 
Old 07-21-2007, 11:44 AM   #5
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Andrea84 HB User
Re: Anger Management

What do you think staying is doing to your son? Besides making him feel helpless it is teaching him to do the same thing when he grows up.

 
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