I've always had an anger problem since I was young. I would yell at my mom in the store if she wouldn't buy me something. I fight with my mom all the time for no reason. In the past I have broken a lamp,glasses,dishes,computer keyboard,picture frames, all because I got angry at the smallest things. I remember a few years ago I was trying to ******** a computer game..it wouldn't work, so i took the keyboard and through it across the room. Thinking about it now, I sound crazy.
Lately I have been taking my anger out on my boyfriend. He is the best guy, so sweet to me,never yells at me. I couldn't ask for someone better, but little things he does that a normal person wouldn't get mad at **** me off for the whole day. I scream at him and call him names that I really don't mean. It's ruining my relationship. I feel bad because I love him so much.
I have never abused anyone, and I never take my anger out on strangers, just people close to me. What can I do about this?
Like you I have a very similar temper. There isn't any underlying reason for it. Had a great childhood, not particularly spoilt, but lovely caring childhood. I was one of three, although the baby of the family. However, I have always had this temper. Thrown things, smashed glass windows. There was a hole in a wall in a hotel where I threw a shoe at my then husband. That's many moons ago, but although in many way I have mellowed the temper is still very much there and I feel it lets me down on many occasions. When you feel the red mist rising you just have go somewhere on your own and beat the hell out of an old cushion or something. Try and set yourself goals for the day, try and keep yourself occupied so that you don't focus on the crap in life, even if it is just something simple such as getting a task done that you have been meaning to do for a while. I know it's not easy, and people can be very wary of you when you are like this, I know they are with me. It's standing joke where I work about my temper, but like you I would never hurt anyone. My partner is the total opposite, calm, never flaps about anything, never loses his temper, but is just a very strong, steady person and I so wish I was, but we are what we are. You just have to try and take one day at a time and if you see circumstances coming up where you could come into conflict get and get away from it on your own. Try not to beat yourself up too much over it because that just gets you more stressed. None of us are perfect.
Hi Kay, children learn self-control by being controlled as children. Your mom did you no favors by not controlling your behavior. Sounds to me like you have just never learned self-control. It is never too late to learn this.
Julie, I would NEVER allow my child to throw and smash things. OMG! You say that there isn't any underlying reason for your behavior. Of course there is!
Originally Posted by julie2222
Like you I have a very similar temper. There isn't any underlying reason for it. Had a great childhood, not particularly spoilt, but lovely caring childhood. I was one of three, although the baby of the family. However, I have always had this temper. Thrown things, smashed glass windows.
I don't know who your comment is aimed at, whether you mean my mother let me smash things, WRONG, or whether I let my children smash things, WRONG. What I said in my comments is that sometimes there isn't always an underlying reason. I had, as I stated, a lovely childhood with wonderful parents. If I did ever raise my temper as I got into my teens it certainly wasn't condoned by my parents, my parents would have been mortified and my own children in their late teens are fabulous, both even tempered and chilled. The point I was trying to make is that not everyone can be chilled, calm and even tempered. We are not all made like that unfortunately. I smashed a window when I threw something in the early years of marriage, it's hardly a cardinel sin, the only underlying reason would probably be a monthly one, if you get my drift. Just because people have a temper there isn't always some underlying dark secret for goodness sake. I thought this was meant to be an anger management discussion forum.
I smashed a window when I threw something in the early years of marriage, it's hardly a cardinel sin, the only underlying reason would probably be a monthly one, if you get my drift. Just because people have a temper there isn't always some underlying dark secret for goodness sake. I thought this was meant to be an anger management discussion forum.
there is always a reason for peoples behavior......why did you throw something and smash a window? what precipitated that action?
I can't honestly remember, it's so many years ago, was in the early years of marriage, probably over something and nothing. I probably threw a few things, I dare say, but the window is the thing that sticks in my mind. You soon learn you can't do it too much, costs too much, but joking apart it was probably just frustration at something trivial. This was something like 25 years ago, as I say you mellow with age, but what I was trying to say is that I understand totally how easy it is to see the "red mist". I equally understand people who don't have a temper being horrified by anyone that does, and maybe trying to analyse it and with some people I dare say there is some major underlying issue, but certainly not in my case.
No problem. You obviously misunderstood me originally, maybe I didn't explain it very clearly.
Julie, I wasn't horrified by someone losing her temper. I was horrified by a parent who would allow it. This topic/thread did hit a nerve with me that I do not fully understand right now. Something about children being out of control or something? I am sure that it has everything to do with my upbringing of parents NOT being in control. I wasn't out of control or anything but I never got to benefit from an environment where the parents were in control so therefore I could feel secure.
I would take no issue with you on that point. I think it is lack of parental control that causes so many problems as these children grow into teenage years and then adulthood. My boys always knew from an early age that they couldn't get away with too much, and so far, I have been rewarded with two lovely responsible, loving, caring teenagers. They are not perfect, they squabble between themselves, over computers, X boxes, etc, but I have never had any problems with them. They are also home birds, and they like their home comforts, so they have never been boys that have been wandering the streets with their friends etc like some teenagers do causing problems. I think a sense of discipline comes down the line and my parents were much the same with me. The temper issue though is a totally separate issue however. That is something in me, not related to my parents, or the way they brought me up though. My mum was a stay at home mum, quiet, but firm, always there when we needed her, very much the traditional mum, and Dad was funny, and very caring. Neither of my parents were quick tempered and my brother and sister are fairly easy going, so I don't know where my occasional rages come from, but like I said I think we are what we are. Some people are much better at controlling their emotions than other. I suppose it's a sort of emotional instability, letting your frustrations get to you. I hate losing my temper. It's actually physically tiring. If I ever have a rant, I feel physically shattered afterwards, and I end up annoyed with myself for not handling something better.
I'll tell you what you might think about doing about this. Set up a consultation with a Psychiatrist. These people are pretty good at assessing
others correctly. I'm sure that you will walk out of his/her office with one to
three prescriptions for antianxiety and antidepressant medications that will
help you (your brain) adjust serotonin levels, etc...that sometimes become imbalanced. You'd be amazed at how many people this helps.I, myself am on 2 antidepressants, and 2 anti-anxiety drugs and my anger has diminished
considerably--and I do mean CONSIDERABLY. There's nothing wrong with
reaching out for help. It takes a stronger person to realize that he/she needs
another persons' help and a Mental Health Specialist could be just what you need. Anyway, I saw your post and thought I'd try to help out. Hope all goes well for you and let me know (if you want) how things turn out. God Bless you Julie and may He help you to muster up the courage you'll need to seek out a Psychiatrist. Hehehe Take care.
You may well feel that a Psychiatrist and anti-depressants is what you need at the moment. I was on anti-depressants following cancer over two and a half years ago, as it was a very bad time and had multiple ops. However, I came off them about a year ago and would not want to go back on them. They do calm you down and chill you out no doubt, but I personally felt that I didn't feel things, the normal things, the excitement, the highs and the lows that you normally feel in everyday life. I wouldn't take medication every day for sometime that only affects me a handful of times during a year. However, I would certainly advise anyone who feels as if they can't cope to give it a try. They certainly seem to be helping you. Best of luck
Just trying to help, Julie. I've heard a lot of horror stories of people coming off of antidepressants and anti-anxiety meds. I'm not looking forward to that.
Take Care. By the way, I was stationed in Holy Loch, Scotland while in the Navy and found that part of the world unbelievably serene and beautiful.
I didn't find coming off them too bad at all. It was Prozac with me, I probably had an anxious couple of weeks, but certainly nothing major that I couldn't cope with. I think some of the others may be harder to get off, I'm not sure. I wouldn't knock them at all, they got me through a very black time with the illness etc, which was a major shock to system, having always been fit all my life. I think once you finally turn things around you are reluctant to go back on them.
Yes, Scotland is beautiful, very tranquil, better than a bucket load of prozac.
Anyway thanks for your comments.
Best of luck.