I take my anger out on people..and objects! - Anger Management Message Board

Kaylynn904 · 09-17-2007, 08:06 PM

I've always had an anger problem since I was young. I would yell at my mom in the store if she wouldn't buy me something. I fight with my mom all the time for no reason. In the past I have broken a lamp,glasses,dishes,computer keyboard,picture frames, all because I got angry at the smallest things. I remember a few years ago I was trying to download a computer game..it wouldn't work, so i took the keyboard and through it across the room. Thinking about it now, I sound crazy.
Lately I have been taking my anger out on my boyfriend. He is the best guy, so sweet to me,never yells at me. I couldn't ask for someone better, but little things he does that a normal person wouldn't get mad at **** me off for the whole day. I scream at him and call him names that I really don't mean. It's ruining my relationship. I feel bad because I love him so much.
I have never abused anyone, and I never take my anger out on strangers, just people close to me. What can I do about this?

Sannah · 09-18-2007, 12:28 PM

Kay, so your mom never enforced limits with you as a child? Would you say that you were in control and not your mom?

Kaylynn904 · 09-18-2007, 08:54 PM

My mom is this really quiet sweet person. She would tell me not to scream in the stores and everything, but I was never punished as a child. I am my moms only child,so I was also spoiled.

julie2222 · 09-19-2007, 01:50 AM

Hi Kay

Like you I have a very similar temper. There isn't any underlying reason for it. Had a great childhood, not particularly spoilt, but lovely caring childhood. I was one of three, although the baby of the family. However, I have always had this temper. Thrown things, smashed glass windows. There was a hole in a wall in a hotel where I threw a shoe at my then husband. That's many moons ago, but although in many way I have mellowed the temper is still very much there and I feel it lets me down on many occasions. When you feel the red mist rising you just have go somewhere on your own and beat the hell out of an old cushion or something. Try and set yourself goals for the day, try and keep yourself occupied so that you don't focus on the crap in life, even if it is just something simple such as getting a task done that you have been meaning to do for a while. I know it's not easy, and people can be very wary of you when you are like this, I know they are with me. It's standing joke where I work about my temper, but like you I would never hurt anyone. My partner is the total opposite, calm, never flaps about anything, never loses his temper, but is just a very strong, steady person and I so wish I was, but we are what we are. You just have to try and take one day at a time and if you see circumstances coming up where you could come into conflict get and get away from it on your own. Try not to beat yourself up too much over it because that just gets you more stressed. None of us are perfect.

Sannah · 09-19-2007, 06:36 AM

Hi Kay, children learn self-control by being controlled as children. Your mom did you no favors by not controlling your behavior. Sounds to me like you have just never learned self-control. It is never too late to learn this.

Julie, I would NEVER allow my child to throw and smash things. OMG! You say that there isn't any underlying reason for your behavior. Of course there is!

Quote:

Originally Posted by julie2222

Like you I have a very similar temper. There isn't any underlying reason for it. Had a great childhood, not particularly spoilt, but lovely caring childhood. I was one of three, although the baby of the family. However, I have always had this temper. Thrown things, smashed glass windows.