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Old 04-19-2008, 09:18 AM   #1
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Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Lawrenceville, GA, USA
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softballfreak HB User
ive got the problem

ive got the problem and a story to go with it..

just having issues of my own..im married but i dont think i married the right guy and i have a daughter so the situation is a whole lot worse... see my husband gets home from work spends like 5 minutes with our dog, and 5 minutes with our daugther and there is no time for me cause then he eats then he gets on the computer for like an hour or two..then he goes to bed.. im scared to leave him because i have 6 grand worth of debt in my name and i know i need to get a job.. but i dont want to be away from my daughter who is only 14 months and still needs me you know.. so while we've given him advice i need some advice of my own..all my friends are i support you in what ever you do..and one of my friends is like move in with us.. be in a loving environment... all i know is that im tired of the computer being more important then his own family... he cares more about him self than he does me ive told him all this before and he doesnt do anything about it..tried going to a marriage counselor but he didnt like the guy and he doesnt want me going by myself either..i have pretty much given up well i gave up everything for him.. i cook, i clean, i run errands for him, my daughter and myself... i sacrafice so much more than he has ever sacraficed for me... im young and im just scared..

well yes there is one thing missing he likes to look at porn and i hate porn with a ****ing passion and he knows it hurts me when he looks at and it gets me very angry.. like to the point where well.. i need a punching bag to take my anger out on.. hence softball being my anger management... i play softball better when i am mad cause i can hit the ball so much harder... while i thought we came to some sort of agreement i stop talking to the guys ive had sexual relations with if he stopped looking at porn.. and well he never gave in and i gave up almost everything for him... well no i did give up everything for him... and i communicate it to him everyday that he needs to spend more time with his family... he says he wants to yet this is how a sunday schedule as follows... he gets up and goes to the bathroom..gets on the computer to look at his mustang stuff then i end up having to take care of our daughter and the dogs in the morning get all three children fed..then i come up to the top layer to take my shower while he stays on the computer while our daughter is in the other room playing by her self no attention what so ever from him.. after i get a shower he hops in then after that i give our daughter a bath.. we go get something to eat do what ever for a few hours.. come home and he's back on the computer...for 2 hrs then we go off again...going to the mall or something....get something to eat again..... then come back home and he's back on the computer... the computer is an everyday ritual for him.... i ask for one day.. just one day... like on a sunday or maybe a day and a half from the computer from the time he gets home saturday from work at 4 or 5 in the afternoon till monday night to not get on the computer but he cant give me that.. and he doesnt like to get on the floor to play with our child... like i do... i get on the floor show her things teach her things... and he cant do any of that because of that damn ****ing computer i am about to ****ing throw it out the god damn window.... it's very frustrating that me, and my daughter have to compete over the damn computer.. and when i ask him for help he always says in a minute his in a minutes turn into an hour and im afraid that when our daughter asks him to go outside to play with her he is going to say in a minute and it's going to turn into an hour.... i cant get him to help me fold the clothes or do anything... one night i wanted to go out and play ball and well i did anyways he's like what are we going to do for dinner and stuff i tell him that i could cook dinner then when he comes home he could warm it up.. but he doesnt want it to be warmed up he wants it fresh.. so we came to an agreement when i get home from the game he would help me cook.. right and so this is what ends up happening i end up doing the cooking.. im tired of asking for his help and not ****ing getting it while he works on his race car and i ****in help him all the time.... and i communicate that to him... and it pisses me the **** off... i know im the stay at home mom.. but jesus christ do i not need help do i not need a ****ing break once in a blue ****in moon... anyways sorry i know it's long... but theres what you have missed.. like i said..i can not stand the porn issue... and the next time i catch or see that his screen name was on this site he paid for WITH OUT MENTION TO ME THAT HE PAID FOR and i thought the money was our money.. it is going to be the end for us.. i really cant ****in take it any more... my heart and my body hurts and he wonders why i dont like him touching me...

the only thing that angers me is the computer and him looking at porn and him not helping me when i do need the help

ive told him all this stuff before... and we have tried to go see someone but he didnt like the guy..

any thoughts???

 
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Old 04-19-2008, 03:03 PM   #2
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: North America
Posts: 52
SocialWorks HB User
Re: ive got the problem

On one hand, it sounds like you're trying to rationalize staying with him by stating that it's JUST the porn and his lack of paying atttention to you. Do you think it will stop? If not, are you willing to continue this way? If not, then how much will it take for you to change the situation? You know what your options are. I get your concern over your debt; I was there and I hung in there with my daughter until it wasn't worth it anymore. I slowly paid off my debt and got the hell out. So, the only reason I stayed was to pay back my debt. Once that was established as my reasoning, all the other crap I was dealing with didn't matter anymore: it was going to be something that I would would to put up with for the time being.

There then came a time when his behaviour wasn't worth the debt I was trying to pay off and I left one day without notice. I learned that I can only change myself and if I'm not willing to put up with someone else's behaviour, then I shouldn't. Whatever not putting up with it means for you, will have to be determined by you.



What would you tell a friend if this was her post?

 
Old 04-19-2008, 03:25 PM   #3
Newbie
(female)
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Lawrenceville, GA, USA
Posts: 2
softballfreak HB User
Re: ive got the problem

Quote:
Originally Posted by SocialWorks View Post
On one hand, it sounds like you're trying to rationalize staying with him by stating that it's JUST the porn and his lack of paying atttention to you. Do you think it will stop? If not, are you willing to continue this way? If not, then how much will it take for you to change the situation? You know what your options are. I get your concern over your debt; I was there and I hung in there with my daughter until it wasn't worth it anymore. I slowly paid off my debt and got the hell out. So, the only reason I stayed was to pay back my debt. Once that was established as my reasoning, all the other crap I was dealing with didn't matter anymore: it was going to be something that I would would to put up with for the time being.

There then came a time when his behaviour wasn't worth the debt I was trying to pay off and I left one day without notice. I learned that I can only change myself and if I'm not willing to put up with someone else's behaviour, then I shouldn't. Whatever not putting up with it means for you, will have to be determined by you.



What would you tell a friend if this was her post?
i would basically tell her the same thing tell her to get out...because it's not worth it to try to change someone when you have for them... but i would say the same thing that you have said..

 
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