Just found this board, hopefully posing here can help get things off my chest. I just can't seem to help myself with my anger fits and it is tearing me apart from the inside and getting me in trouble for really stupid reasons on the outside. For the past few days, I have just felt so much swelling inside me and it has been bursting out today. Basically, I have one co-worker who I cannot stand and I have been lashing out at him. The reasons for this have some justifiable basis but my reactions to him are still problematic and it makes the situation worse. Besides, I know that my anger (in this situation but in others as well) have only a surface-level relationship with whatever is causing me to lash out at any given moment. Maybe if I could write out my frustrations here (because I really cannot talk about them anytime I want to whoever I want. . .I see a therapist from time to time but that is only for an hour a week at best and not a 24/7 forum that I can use to get things off my chest) I can get it out of my system and maybe receive some other people's perspective. So I'm gonna try that at least. Hope you guys can help. I just feel so helpless sometimes and it disgusts me.
Just more stream of consciousness to follow. . .please reply if you feel that you want to. Knowing that someone is out there reading can help me.
I feel paralyzed sometimes when the anger takes over me. It's like it comes from nowhere and is just all over me in an instant when something just strikes me the wrong way. I know that the reason why this is is really deep rooted but I have never been able to expunge it. Sometimes I think that I have and I feel that I can move forward but then it festers itself again.
I think that it has come on this week because I am stressed out from trying to re-write my resume from scratch. I really wish that I could put better accomplishments onto it but I cannot right now. I think that I could in the future if I keep working hard but as of this moment I feel that I am lacking. I am not even looking for a new job right now but I want to be ready if something happens and I did meet a guy in a social situation who wanted to see my resume. I am afriad that I am actually going to leave a bad impression on him even if I send him one because it is not going to be as good as he thinks it will be. My stomach is turning just from this thought.
I just wish that everything can just be fixed (including A LOT OF things from the past) instantly. But I can't do that and it frustrates me to the point of lashing out. Then people lose respect for me and I lose a lot of respect for myself.
Like I said, maybe I just need a sounding board like this to help me out. Feedback can probably help too.
I have to try and laugh off my co-worker and not let him get to me. I think that I have been successful in the past few months in accepting the fact that I cannot change other things that really get to me, I have to do the same thing with this guy. He is a problem, but my reaction to him is causing even more of a problem for me. If I do a better job of just brushing him off, then his problems are only his problems and not mine.