Im having a problem and it is affecting every part of my life. I am 20 years old, in school, i work and generally a level headed person. However i have noticed in the past year or so i have changed into a very hostile and upset person. I cry a lot a scream and freak out over everything be cause i get this trapped feeling. My boyfriend has been with me for 2 years now and this problem has taken its toll on both of us and i fear loosing him. I have had lots of family stress and problems that i can relate to my attitude however i need to change this. I used to be such a mellow fun happy person and now i feel like i have lost myself somewhere. i hate who i have become and i dont know how to get out of it. i constantly take situations too serious and can get extremely loud and violent with my boyfriend when even small things dot go right. I am also jelous even more of my boyfriend now as i fear he will leave me and find someone who isnt so extreme. I love him very much and he loves me, but if things dont return to what they were i know i will loose him, and he is the only rock i have. please anyone have advice... thank you
How about keeping a journal? Write about the things the trigger your anger and write down the thoughts that go through your head. Next, write about what that incident reminds you of. We react to incidents and we do not know why we do. Usually, the new incidents are similar in some way to past incidents.
Anyway, keeping a journal will help you to see a pattern in your behavior and what you think about it. If you have negative, blaming thoughts, then odds are high that your anger will build and build until you blow. Recognizing the events that trigger your anger will help you to plan your reaction next time the same event ir similar events happen again. Practice thinking more positively and reacting more positively. Always think about what you are about to do. Will it help matters or make it worse? Regardless of how you feel, what result will happen if you act on what you feel? What will help? Is this worth getting worked up over or even mentioning it?
Remember, no one can make us angry. We make ourselves angry by what we say to ourself, by what we demand of other people and by the low tolerance we have for discomfort.
You might also choose to use this forum as a journal and get people's input and unbiased perspective on what happened. It is difficult to talk about it if we do not know exactly what it is that makes you angry. Know what I mean?
lined up with you 100% I am 52 and get angry simply because I am 52 and not 12. You'd think by this time life skills would kick in, but hey-ho they dont. What I have found recently helpful is imagining the calm me dealing with a potentially volatile situation. My hypothetical responses are not fuelled by my internal anger. I really do picture myself interacting in this desired fashion. I target stress inducing situations and I am able to approach it differently. I have a 50% success rate at the moment which motivates me to endure failures and build for further situations. Bad-mannered shop assisstants are one of my all time pet hates. Just recently my husband was holding his breath waiting for me explode emotionally. I didn't. I was polite and didn't give anything away. That in itself spurned me on to internally dissipate my internal feelings. Which just evaporated because I was pleased with myself.. Hope you try it. You've nothing to lose. The thing is as a society people are becoming even more withdrawn into themselves - for whatever reason. Part of the reason some of us get angry, (and I can tell from reading your plea that includes you, is that you are aware) is we're dealing with people who are not aware. Their toxic anti-social behaviour is what causes us stress, and we cant deal with it. Try and be aware of how you interact with people. I've found that handing people their dignity often helps. An answer when mild often turns away rage according to wise King Solomon.
wishing you succes my friend
ps, the user name is such for a reason. Suggested by my two grown-up children
Last edited by mentalmum08; 08-22-2008 at 03:46 AM.
Have you considered talking about your concerns with a counselor? You might also consider talking with a doctor about a mild sedative--it could help take the edge off of your anger so you can effectively use self-management techniques.