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Old 10-27-2008, 08:36 PM   #1
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Exclamation Why cant I control my anger!!!!!!

Over an over again my fiance has threatened to leave me because of my anger issues. I need to do something about it before I lose her.

Here are my issues, I am a very hot headed person, anything and everything gets under my skin. I turn the samallest issues into a huge deal. The problem is I dont realize what I am saying or how big of a deal I am making something until I haved yelled so much that she starts crying or until I have time to think about what just happened. I tend to blame other people for the mistakes that I make instead of realizing that I am the real problem. I can say these things now but how do I make myself realize that I need to stop yelling. My fiance thinks that she doesnt make me happy and it hurts her. In turn I hate myself because she is not happy with our relationship and I know it is because I cannot control my anger. I need advice on what to do before I lose her. She means the world to me and she doesnt even realize how much I care about her. What do I do.

 
Old 10-27-2008, 11:25 PM   #2
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Re: Why cant I control my anger!!!!!!

The first thing I would advise you to do is to seek anger management or some type of counseling. A way to do that would be to talk to your primary care physician and let him know what is going on, he should then be able to refer you get proper treatment. That I think would help the best. Also try relax techniques i.e. meditation, massage, yoga, walking, listening to soothing music before sleep. It sounds cheesy but your body and mind need to time to unwind and let go of tension time to time.

Last edited by Meredith87; 10-27-2008 at 11:26 PM.

 
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Old 10-31-2008, 08:19 AM   #3
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Re: Why cant I control my anger!!!!!!

OH man!!! Spyke1, i dnt obviously know your real name.. but u wont believe this.. i have the same problem .... absolutely SAME problem... even my Girl friend gets hurt everyday due to my anger... i Call her "my Soul" when i m in good mood... but when m angry.. it almost seems as if m not myself... i admonish myself everyday every moment not to blow the Gasket.. i even promise her of not going through the roof come what may.. but the moment something goes wrong, i lose it... then i dont realise what m saying... but she still forgives me... she says "dont worry honey.. i will learn to take your anger"

 
Old 10-31-2008, 08:57 AM   #4
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Re: Why cant I control my anger!!!!!!

You will need help with this one. Join an anger management group or go to an anger management mental health specialist for one on one therapy. You should do this as soon as possible and let your GF know you are working on that problem.

 
Old 11-09-2008, 08:57 PM   #5
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Re: Why cant I control my anger!!!!!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by spyke1 View Post
Over an over again my fiance has threatened to leave me because of my anger issues. I need to do something about it before I lose her.

Here are my issues, I am a very hot headed person, anything and everything gets under my skin. I turn the samallest issues into a huge deal. The problem is I dont realize what I am saying or how big of a deal I am making something until I haved yelled so much that she starts crying or until I have time to think about what just happened. I tend to blame other people for the mistakes that I make instead of realizing that I am the real problem. I can say these things now but how do I make myself realize that I need to stop yelling. My fiance thinks that she doesnt make me happy and it hurts her. In turn I hate myself because she is not happy with our relationship and I know it is because I cannot control my anger. I need advice on what to do before I lose her. She means the world to me and she doesnt even realize how much I care about her. What do I do.
Spike1, I read your blog. I have a question for you. Would you get angry on the phone and threaten to hang on your wife? Did you notice if she got scared by your anger? Did you ever notice yourself doing this and not feel the need to appologize? I am dating someone with similar anger issues as yourself. I am unsure how to confront them. What would have helped you to hear this message?

 
Old 11-09-2008, 09:31 PM   #6
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Re: Why cant I control my anger!!!!!!

All here are good suggestions. I have one further. Stop saying to yourself "I CANNOT control my anger" and say "I WILL NOT control my anger". The second is closer to the truth than the first. It is your anger, of course you can control it. Sooner rather than later or you will lose this lady. Nobody needs to put up with this. Sera.

 
Old 01-21-2009, 06:55 AM   #7
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Re: Why cant I control my anger!!!!!!

I know this is long overdue, but I found this site searching via google and I feel that the original question relates to something I am dealing with currently.

My fiance' lashes out and seems to overreact to things. He gets so angry and starts yelling--LOUCDLY and he won't listen to anything. He tells ME to apologize for everything first and even when I do, he continues to say mean things and yell. When I make mistakes and apologize, it's not enough.

When he gets angry, he says that he only cares about himself. I know this isn't true-- I know he cares about me, but I don't know what to do to help him control his anger. I feel like the girl who says "I'll learn to deal with it" but I've had it. I love him and want to make it work, but am unsure if he'll ever see what he is doing to us.

 
Old 01-27-2009, 05:13 PM   #8
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Smile Re: Why cant I control my anger!!!!!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by spyke1 View Post
Over an over again my fiance has threatened to leave me because of my anger issues. I need to do something about it before I lose her.

Here are my issues, I am a very hot headed person, anything and everything gets under my skin. I turn the samallest issues into a huge deal. The problem is I dont realize what I am saying or how big of a deal I am making something until I haved yelled so much that she starts crying or until I have time to think about what just happened. I tend to blame other people for the mistakes that I make instead of realizing that I am the real problem. I can say these things now but how do I make myself realize that I need to stop yelling. My fiance thinks that she doesnt make me happy and it hurts her. In turn I hate myself because she is not happy with our relationship and I know it is because I cannot control my anger. I need advice on what to do before I lose her. She means the world to me and she doesnt even realize how much I care about her. What do I do.
I do not profess to being a relationship expert, but I have recent experience. You could be my ex of a week. I broke it off with a wonderful man for all the reasons you feel angry. I felt like I was a pain in the but to him. For a while I actually thought I fed the anger. Well I was wrong. He and only he is and was responsible for the anger. When I too started to cry frequently over words that were so untrue to my character, due to his anger, I finally paid attention to this red flag. You have to own your anger and seriously, go through anger management. Not just to take the class, but look at your self from another perspective and see if you can change yourself. She does not need to do anything. It is not her problem, it is yours. You have probably had it your whole life. She will leave you. Or you will say something that will break her heart to the point, she will walk away and never return. You will not learn from this either. The pattern will repeat itself, until you get help. I hope this is what you wanted to hear, because it is just the truth and the future. Good Luck.

 
Old 01-29-2009, 05:59 AM   #9
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Cool Re: Why cant I control my anger!!!!!!



sit back and try to relax...... try counting from one to ten


maybe it will work

 
Old 01-29-2009, 04:46 PM   #10
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Re: Why cant I control my anger!!!!!!

If someone can't control their anger and they are punishing someone close them they need to seek help for this. There are plenty of people out there that are skilled at dealing with anger and well as anger managment. Coming here is a great first step but until you get yourself in therapy for this then you are responsible for tearing apart a relationship. Nobody wants to be with someone who is using them as a whipping board. This doesn't just resolve itself if this has been a long standing problem. Get some help - as the saying goes: children are victims and adults are volunteers.

Take responsibility for what you're doing and make sure the person your taking out your anger on knows that you are the one with a problem and you're doing everything you can to fix it by taking some action - right away.

 
Old 02-06-2009, 07:00 PM   #11
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Re: Why cant I control my anger!!!!!!

From an experiential perspective, ask yourself where the anger is evolving from. You have all the answers within you. and , yes, anger is controllable, better yet, when the "memory/ memories" are addressed the anger will go away! Somewhere within your memory/ies, there is pain, sadness which has not been resolved.When you have an episode of anger/rage....this is coming from a small child ( memory/ies) which are being triggered by an occurance /similiar to what was experienced as a child......( usually) and the majority of the time this begins with our parents!
Hope this helps.

 
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