I am a mother of 2 under 4 in her early 30s. I am a very angry person. I yell at my kids all the time. I have tried so hard to stop. The more I try and stop the more it all just erupts by the end of the day. I have always been an impatient person. But ever since my second came along I am extremely irritable all the time. Everything annoys me. Especially sounds. I find myself overwhelmed and stressed over every little thing. I can't find any motivation. I am tired all the time. I love my children...I love my husband. I should be a very happy person. Why am I so angry and sad? I don't think I am depressed. I don't want to hurt myself. I do have low moments. But isn't to an extreme. I want to be a better mother so badly. Every night I go to bed and say tomorrow I will not yell and be happy. Never happens. I feel so awful about myself. What is wrong with me? Where can I go for help?
Some of these behaviors may be learned from your own childhood and carried over. Sometimes people don't know that they are depressed when they actually are, only a doctor can tell you if you are clinically depressed. It's hard to raise small children and to do a good job. A small trick is to count to 10, take a deep breath, and begin again with more control. It works wonders, really. You may want to talk to your PCP about how you are feeling (anger) to see if you are truly depressed or not. Maybe you need parenting classes. It is only causing the problem to magnify when you yell at children. Another thing is to get their attention down on their level and whisper their names to get them to listen. I know I sound a little funny, but it does work. Read books on parenting and take some speical time out for you!!! It makes a big difference. Best of luck and what a good mom for caring. FLFLOWERGIRL
Wow, I thought I was the only the mom who always yells at her children. I guess we are not alone. LOL. Now, I feel at least a little better in that respect. I know the gut wrenching awful feeling, and the guilt that always accompanies the yelljng episodes. I always swear I am going to be more patient and not yell. However, it just never seems to work out that way. I have started looking at my own thinking, and know that it is not my children, but, me. My children are not responsible for my behaviors. I am the adult. Recently I have decided to attend a course on anger management. It is my hope that when I am able to complete a course on anger management that I will be able to control mysel, and do something different besides yelling. Well, good luck to you in finding a way to stop yelling!
Go talk to your doctor about it. What every you do, dont continue on the same path. There is a saying I tell people lightheartedly, I think someone a lot smarter and well known may have said it first:
Insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting different results each time.
Please do get checked out by an MD. Several chronic "silent" disorders can cause extreme irritability with light/sound sensitivity.
Hyperthyroidism, anxiety, anemia, dysthymia, ADHD, hypoglycemia, early diabetes, chronic pain, Premenstrual dysphoric disorder, etc . . . there are many more.
anger is often self hatred turned insinde out. Get help for yourself, the more you yell the worst you feel, the circle goes round and round. We feel so bad about what we are doing to our kids and start hatting ourselves and it gets worst. Find something to do just for you. Get out even if for a short periode of time, get healthy, exercise, it takes a very happy healthy centerd person to raise a happy healthy child. You are not perfect and never will be, none of us are, I truly beleive that if we try our best and love our children the best way we can then we are good mothers. Love yourself first and then the love will trickle down to them. If you get happy you will see a big difference in your parrenting style. Take one day at a time, children are very forgiving, they just want you and to be happy. Get outside help from people that know what you are going thru. Love yourself first and it will work itself out, and don't try to be perfect, all that effort is a wast of time and puts way to much stress on yourself. You where given a worderful gift in these children and they need a healthy happy mom. I know you can do it because you have taken the first step, your reaching out and asking for help, you are a great mom just a little loud, and let me tell you most of us are just as oud as you if not louder, most just don't have the balls to admit it. Good luck and have faith in yourself that you can do it. Best of luck, and sorry if I'm rambilling, I just get frustrated and how much we are so hard on ourselves as mothers, it's the hardest most importent job, if the least amount of credit and assistence
Hi,
Just wanted to respond to this post......
You are a good mother to come here looking for advice on how to find help with this anger problem. I know it's hard to be a mom, I have a 5 year old son, and another one on the way. I think someone said that this behaviour can be carried over from childhood, I completely agree with this. I really do encourage you to get help with this, speak to a counsellor, take a time out when you feel you are going to lose your patience, anything. Your behaviour will in turn carry over to your children when they grow up. I dont say that whatsover to make you feel bad, but you already have said you are concerned about it, so you know it's a problem. I had a mom growing up who yelled at me alot, she still does actually, and today, when "anyone" yells at me, I cringe. I get very anxious inside....and that feeling from when I was really young has never left me. Yes, children are forgiving, and they want their parents to be happy....but that is true within reason. We all lose our patience with our kids....that's nothing to feel badly about. It's a hard job. But when we cross the line, we need to do something about it, so we dont affect them later in life. I hope this comes out right, because I admire you very much for wanting to get help for this problem, I wish my mom had....
Best of luck.....I'm sure you will do what is right for your kids and yourself as well. You obviously love them....so I'm sure you'll find the right path to help yourself find some peace with this.
Best of luck,
Carsam
don't feel alone, my mom also shouts at me all the time, but i always talk to my brother and friends about it. talk about, don't bottle it up, otherwise, it will feel worst. by the way, your mom probably shouts all the time because she is either very stressed, she is mad or she had the same problem with her own mother shouting at her all the time. what i do is that i try to understand what she wants to me. that helps her to calm down a little but, no that im co-operating. move with the flow which your mom puts on you, so that she won't yell al much or as intense.
