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Old 01-18-2009, 09:17 AM   #1
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I'm ruining my own life

I'm 29yr old female, I have a husband and 4 children - ages 9, 2yr old twins and an 8 month old baby.

I am an extremerly angry person and have been for aslong as I can remember.
I grew up in care and had a ****** childhood but I don't blame my anger on this.

I can't go into everything but to cut a long story short I'm destroying my marriage because my husband can't take anymore of my constant bitching and mood swings. He is also an alcoholic and I know I am driving him to drink.

I have criminal convictions due to my violence the latest being a few years ago for GBH on a woman in a bar because my husband started talking to her.
I smashed a bottle over her head.

I get angry and snappy for the slightest thing and I even shout at my children.
I have a wonderful life and my anger is ruining it.

DON'T TELL ME TO SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP I'm not stupid I already know thats what I should do but I don't want to hear it.
I need some ways I can control my anger myself before it's too late.

 
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Old 01-18-2009, 12:34 PM   #2
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Re: I'm ruining my own life

Sounds like you and hubby both need some professional help. You say you don't want to hear get professional help? Why is that.? If you can not fix your anger which you have not been able to then thats the next step getting help.
The first step in changing yourself is admitting you need help and then accepting the help that is availible. I would start off attending Alanon meetings and getting hubby into AA. Make a appointment at your local mental help center and get your life back on track for your 4 kids sakes. It must be awfull rough on them living with a alcoholic dad and a angry mom. Good luck to you.

 
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Old 01-18-2009, 07:36 PM   #3
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Re: I'm ruining my own life

There is no quick solution for your problem. The only thing that will work, with or without professional help, is self-discipline. You choose to act out your anger in yelling and physical violence; you could act it out in other ways, for example exercise, or a few rounds with a punching bag hanging in the yard. That is the acting-out part. The angry feelings you have are inside you, probably from your childhood, and need to be matched up with the incidents and circumstances which caused them. At the moment they are roaring around attaching themselves to all sorts of targets. This is where therapy could be helpful for you. Get that anger to where it belongs - back to the wounded part of you. Look at what has gone on before (in your childhood) and focus on it while hitting that punching bag, as in "I am mad!! I am mad at you for neglecting/beating/abusing me!!. Let it out. You will probably cry a lot, and that is needed too. Bottled-up emotions have a way of spraying around and hurting everybody in sight. Sera.

 
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Old 01-19-2009, 08:03 PM   #4
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Re: I'm ruining my own life

Hey, i feel this way too. Im not married but i live with my boyfriend, and im a recovering addict. Ive been really ****** off at the world latley and i dont know how to help myself either. I want professional help because i think it will help me. I suck at trying to control my anger. I get violent with my bf and i was arrested on drug charges in 2006 and also took out my anger about that on a cop and got charged with battery. Ive been trying to change since then when i went to rehab for 14 monthes and sober living after that for 15 monthes. Now im in my own apartment with my bf and i relapsed as soon as i moved here and now i have 3 monthes clean and sober. Im constantly angry and feeling really horrible that the techniques that help most people dont work that good on me. I wish there was an instant fix but i dont think there is. I feel like being angry is part of who i am and if i could find a way to look at the situations that **** me off so bad differently then maybe it could help. Changing is hard and it sucks. Ive been trying to do it for almost 3 years now. Ive learned some things but its taken so long and i wish i was better at handeling frustration and anger. I also work at a super stressful job where it sometimes seems impossible for me to be happy. Just thought i would let u know how i felt too, maybe this will make u feel less alone, if u do feel that way. Shannon

 
Old 01-25-2009, 08:11 AM   #5
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Re: I'm ruining my own life

It took me over 20 years to get my anger under control. But I did it. I DID NOT give up on myself. I relapsed a "few" times! I was tired of being so ****** off all the time. I WANTED to be happy. Since I've shaken the "anger bug" I am so unbelievably happy. I still get angry, but at least I know how to deal with it in a healthy manner! I don't take it out on the people I love or innocent bystanders. I do have a moral conscience! I joined a cognitive therapy group. Best thing I EVER did. No....I take that back.....The BEST thing I EVER did? Was find GOD. PLUS, I WANTED to change. You know....my baby just died recently and could I have gotten angry?? SURE!!! But did I? No. Why? What would have been the point? What would it have accomplished? What did I have to be angry about? Death comes to us all, it's just a matter of how and when. I was also severly abused as a child and I'm sure that's where my anger stemmed from, but AGAIN...I sought help. I knew to feel and BE that way WAS NOT AND IS NOT healthy. You CAN NOT control your anger by yourself. SO YES.....SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP.

 
Old 01-26-2009, 07:06 AM   #6
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Re: I'm ruining my own life

Thanks for all your messages.

Also to 2angelsnheaven I'm really really sorry to read about your baby. Your obviously a super strong person as I know I wouldn't cope after losing a baby.

xxx

 
Old 01-27-2009, 06:45 AM   #7
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Re: I'm ruining my own life

Don't be to hard on yourself......do you realize, as women, how strong we are? We are AMAZING creatures!!!!! It is scientifically PROVEN that men can't deal with what we go through. YOU ARE STRONG TOO! You need to be around women that can help show you the way. Get into a support group. I'm telling you...it works! Life is to short babe......it's over before you know it. Thank you for your condolences.....it was a tragedy, but I pulled through! I will keep you in my prayers......I'm here any time you need to vent.

 
Old 02-06-2009, 08:44 PM   #8
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Smile Re: I'm ruining my own life

I understand your anger. It took awhile to understand my rage! Unfortunately, my children bore the brunt of my anger, which is why I encourage you to "acknowledge" the ________ childhood! because that is where your core emotion of anger stems from. As young children, our world view is based on our beliefs about ourselves. If mom or dad / or both were abusive...or if by some chance they "abandoned" us, this will affect our childhood belief that there is something "wrong" with us...Its those memories which drive our emotions! There is "nothing wrong with you" ....correct the behaviour by letting go of the pain filled memories. Forgiveness is the "key".
Hope this helps..

 
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