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Old 01-22-2009, 10:17 AM   #1
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Nicole8567 HB User
Exclamation My Anger is Tearing my Family Apart.

I need some help on what to do with my anger issues. It doesn't take much to make me angery and I will fight over the littlest of things for no real reason. I have noticed that its much worse after having my son just 3 months ago. My boyfriend is ready to leave me because of my anger issues and I don't want that. I want us to be a family, so if anyone out there can offer up some advice as to things I can do to control my anger, that would help me out a lot!

 
Old 01-25-2009, 06:50 AM   #2
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Re: My Anger is Tearing my Family Apart.

Breathe mama........breathe......you need to focus on your inner self babe! You are out of whack! Which having kids can do to you! I had MAJOR anger issues.......Now?? I'm very calm......don't get me wrong, I still have my moments, but I'm in control! Not only are your "horror-mones" all bent out of shape, but you may also be suffering from a touch of post partum depression. Which escalates EVERYTHING!! It's tough being a woman. Try talking to your doctor about getting on some med.'s for deppression and/or anxiety. At least for a little bit. It doesn't mean you're crazy or anything like that but we all need help every once and a while. I needed it. I don't take anything anymore. After this baby(im 7 wks pregs)??? Maybe I'll need to, but I'm going for cognitive(talk) therapy first. And ask yourself too.....Do YOU like you when you get angry?? What would you expect of your SO(signifigant other) if HE was angry at you like that? It's going to take some time to fix this....it won't happen overnight! You can do it though! I have faith in you! Just remember.....breathe!!!! There is NOTHING in this WORLD worth getting you as angry as it does! Wooooosaaaawwwww, or is it Gooose-fraba?? LOL! I hope I helped a little! Congrates on the new addition in your life! *hugs*

 
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Old 01-25-2009, 07:30 AM   #3
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Re: My Anger is Tearing my Family Apart.

Thanks 2angelsnheaven, atleast you understand what I am going through. I am going to try to get in and see my Dr either Monday or Tuesday. The baby's daddy has decided to take a break away. So he is moving back home with his parents for a month and then deciding if he wants to be with me or not. He is glad I am getting the help, but says that he is not sure if he could ever be with me after all my anger fits. He is going with me to my appointments though and said he would stay for another week or two. I am hoping within that week or two I can change his mind.
I hate who I am when I get angry and it just seems to keep getting worse. So I am hoping my dr will give me something to help out and that way I can get back to normal and get my life back on track.

 
Old 01-26-2009, 04:03 AM   #4
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Re: My Anger is Tearing my Family Apart.

I totally understand! Anger is a good emotion when expressed in a healthy manner! Embrace your emotions for you are human! In time....you will be fine! Ask your SO for patience. Reiterate to him that you love him and that you have issues that you will fix, for your family, BECAUSE you love them! And remember....BE HUMBLE! It's hard but you will feel better about yourself! How glorious is it going to be? To one day be sitting on your front porch with your little one playing in the yard on a beautiful spring day with your SO at your side, maybe sipping on some lemonade, holding hands? Loving each other? And being HAPPY? That is your goal momma! Just close your eyes and envision what will make you happiest and.......go for it!!!! Life is tooooooo short to be angry all the time! It took me 20 years to get my anger under control and I'm only 32. How sad is that? I can't believe I let MYSELF get to that point! I started some hobbies too, to help. Like scrapbooking, baking, and yes....even cleaning! It totally takes my mind away from what has upset me, when I am pre-occupied with something else. Gives me time to think and cool down! Shoot! Sometimes I even forget what I was so angry about! LOL! You can do it.......you CAN do it! Also....try crying when you feel yourself get hot. Crying, I have found, is a EXCELLENT way to diminish anger. My therapist recommended it. AND LAUGH! Find the humor in everything!!!!! Like lets say you dropped dinner on the floor, unless its carpet and your floors are clean, set up supper....right there! Bam....you're then practicing an asian custom! A little messy...but WHO CARES! It would be fun, none the less! You're not going to make everyone happy. Make YOU happy. Let everyone else worry about themselves.....focus on YOU. If you're not happy??? That baby won't be happy, and you don't want that. Talk therapy is a blessing. I am here if you need me! Sorry if I rambled! Take care and let me know how things go. I AM HERE FOR YOU!!!!! *BIG E-HUGS*

 
Old 01-26-2009, 04:09 AM   #5
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2angelsnheaven HB User
Re: My Anger is Tearing my Family Apart.

BTW....crying is NOT a sign of weakness. Don't ever let anyone tell you or make you think otherwise. Crying means you're smart. Smart enough to control which emotions you choose to take over in a heated situation! Anger is good for removing stains from carpets and cleaning baseboards! LOL!

 
Old 01-26-2009, 06:14 AM   #6
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Nicole8567 HB User
Re: My Anger is Tearing my Family Apart.

Quote:
Originally Posted by 2angelsnheaven View Post
BTW....crying is NOT a sign of weakness. Don't ever let anyone tell you or make you think otherwise. Crying means you're smart. Smart enough to control which emotions you choose to take over in a heated situation! Anger is good for removing stains from carpets and cleaning baseboards! LOL!
Its so nice having you to talk to. It really is. I did try to explain things to my SO but he said the damage has been done and he doesn't know if he can continue to be with me after the things I have done within my anger fits. I mean, yes I understand where he is coming from, but at the same time, I wouldn't give up as easily. I guess that's the difference between us. So now that he has broken up with me, for the time being anyway, I have been crying a whole lot more because I am scared. He has told me that he hates how I cry so much and that it just makes him feel really bad and crappy. Its kind of like I cannot win. It seems like the only emotion he wants me to have is happy ones. Considering everything that is going on, I don't really have many happy moments.

I have an appointment to see my Dr today. Of course he is not impressed that its "short notice" so he is already going to be in a bad mood. I warned him that we would have an appointment either Monday morning or Tuesday morning and he ended up staying up until 4am so now he is pissy that we have an appointment for 10:45am. Something that I would normally get really mad at because I did warn him, I warned him and reminded him several times, but yet this morning he said that he would like more notice then 2 hrs. I didn't get mad though, I just nicely said "Hun, I did tell you that it would be Monday morning or Tuesday morning and I said that a lot yesterday." He admitted that I told him but thought we would have more notice then that. I dunno how considering my Dr just opened his door at 8am and I got the appointment at 8:30 lol.

Anyway, atleast I am going to see my Dr today and hopefully he can shed some light on this. I am making my SO go in with me to hear everything because I feel like he needs to be apart of this. I want him to hear what the Dr says and everything and hope that it helps him understand whats going on with me!

 
Old 01-27-2009, 06:01 AM   #7
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2angelsnheaven HB User
Re: My Anger is Tearing my Family Apart.

Well thank you! Sometimes our anger stems from the feeling of being out of "control". Now think about it......YOU controlled your anger with the doctor. How does that make you feel?? Pretty darn good, I would imagine! What an amazing accomplishment! Never let anyone get you to the point of where you DO feel out of control. Have you heard the serenity prayer? It's mainly used in AA BUT it applies in everyday life too. It goes something like this...."God, grant me the serenity to change the things I can, courage to accept the things I cannot change and WISDOM to know the difference." Or something like that.....basically....pick your battles. Don't fight the ones you can't win. Acceptance is the key. You have to be able to accept people for their faults as you would want them to do for you! That doesn't mean you have to tolerate anyones bad behavior. Just walk away and agree to disagree. Well I need to get the ankle biters off to school! I will ttyl! Linda


good luck at the doctors!

 
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