Re: Anger at how my life has turned out
i feel anger at my how my life turned out too...but for different reasons.
anyway, you say you're stuck at home. why? you say you spend money, but that doesn't really satisfy in the long run, right?
you don't have to be stuck at home staring at the same walls all the time, feeling bored to death, and feeling "used," while he goes out, "working" and "flirting"!!!!
you CAN do something to improve your daily routine. what do you want / like to do?
i dont' know about your physical health or your abilities, but is it possible for you to work part-time somewhere? it doesn't even have to be for the money (just to get out of the house).
what about going to yoga classess (these have improved my well-being so much, and I'm a very angry, anxious, and depressed person in general), a dance class (somethign you wanted to learn--something new and challanging--i'm taking belly dance now), an art class (imagination is the limit with this one), a swimming pool (they have free, local pools that will probably go indoors now because of the weather); creative writing; photography; a women's group, or a group at your church, synagogue, temple, etc.....
let me tell you dolphoin---most of the days it's soooo dificult for me to just get up and take a shower. BUT, i force myself to; and most importantly, I FORCE myself to get out of the house!!!! this is my number one priority right now. (i took a leave of absence from work for a month, because i couldn't take it anymore--that's another looong story---but i only have one more week--this one--left).
getting out gives us a new perspective. i've learned that. we are "group" animals, social animals, that is--we need at least one other person in this life whom we can talk to, vent to, and trust. and it doesn NOT have to be your husband. i'm sure you must have ONE friend... reach out to her sometime--if possible, go for a walk; go to an eatery; go to a movie; an arts and crafts class at your local libraries--and ask your friend to come with you. you can also go ALONE!! they have free knitting/crocheting sessions at different places (here they have them at different libraries, like i said).
your local papers--the ones you find in grocery stores and at post offices, etc., have a section in the back (at least they do here) with all kinds of events/meetings/ happenings/etc. browse that and circle what you'd like...
now that autumn is around the corner, they have all these street fairs--and they're free!! there are still some concerts in the parks; then, there's apple picking; flea markets; soon it's going to be pumpkin picking season.....
i dont know if you like animals, but there's going to be a dog show here soon that i plan to go to. i love animals, art, music, nature, peace, and i'm ever seraching for "soul liberation"....well, that's because of my depression.
i really am not preaching to you, but i found through my own experience, that if i do something i like, and i'm focused on that, my anger, my rage, my depressive thoughts, my general hell lifts, at least for a little bit.
i hope some of these suggestions would be of some help to you.
Be kinder than necessary,
Because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle...