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Old 12-31-2009, 08:17 PM   #1
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seekerofadvise HB User
abusive elderly father

Just joined this forum because I need help. My parents, in their late 70's fuss all the time but recently my father has become physically abusive. No signs of dementia or anything, they are both retired and stay at home all the time. He doesn't drive anymore but my mother has confided in me and I found out this has not been the first time.....HELP....what advise do I give my mom.....they are such private people but this week he got out of control and roughed her up pretty good! She doesn't want the rest of the family to know but she thinks (today) that she wants to leave but she can't afford it. My dad has always had a side to him that could get agressive but the general public thinks he is the greatest guy in the world.

 
Old 01-04-2010, 11:47 AM   #2
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firecrackerfilm HB User
Re: abusive elderly father

im sorry, i know this is tough

 
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Old 01-09-2010, 07:31 AM   #3
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fufu HB Userfufu HB User
Re: abusive elderly father

I'm no expert, but i think the fact that she's hiding it from the family just gives him more incentive to be abusive because he knows she won't tell anyone. Tell your mom to tell everyone and in front of him perhaps this will help and if not then she must leave.
Being abusive in any form and at any age is unacceptable. Explain to her that he does not have the right to do that and if she doesn't take your advice then you confront him, wouldn't you feel horrible if something happened to your mom and you knew that you had kept silent. Do something about it today.

Last edited by fufu; 01-09-2010 at 07:32 AM.

 
Old 01-10-2010, 07:17 AM   #4
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juljoe HB User
Re: abusive elderly father

Quote:
Originally Posted by seekerofadvise View Post
Just joined this forum because I need help. My parents, in their late 70's fuss all the time but recently my father has become physically abusive. No signs of dementia or anything, they are both retired and stay at home all the time. He doesn't drive anymore but my mother has confided in me and I found out this has not been the first time.....HELP....what advise do I give my mom.....they are such private people but this week he got out of control and roughed her up pretty good! She doesn't want the rest of the family to know but she thinks (today) that she wants to leave but she can't afford it. My dad has always had a side to him that could get agressive but the general public thinks he is the greatest guy in the world.

 
Old 01-10-2010, 07:32 AM   #5
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juljoe HB User
Re: abusive elderly father

Hi Newbie
So sorry to hear of your family problem. There could be many issues causing your fathers behaviour...frustration at not being in control of his life. There could also be underlying health issues. He might have had a mild stroke, he could have a tumor. All these are things that can bring out aggression, and if he has a predisposition to being aggressive, then this would only increase it.
Have you had him checked for any of the conditions I mentioned?
If he is just being mean and taking it out on your Mother (because he can), then as a family you must step in and help her. Let him know he is on notice to clean up his act, and if not then he has you to answer to. At your Mother's age she should not be put through this kind of stress. But please look into the possible health issues too. If we are not part of the solution...then we are part of the problem. GOOD LUCK.
Jules

 
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