Simmering, balled up rage... How to manage?
Hello, all. I'm sure there are a lot of threads similar to my own, but here goes, anyway!
I have a lot of anger inside of me. I made a lot of mistakes in my past and they, to a certain extent, dictate my present course. Even though I am making progress in my life, it is slow going and I'm not where I want to be and because of this, I'm angry.
I don't lash out. I tend to keep everything balled up inside of me. I'm like a dormant volcano. Often I am relatively calm, but little things will set me off: someone walking too slowly in front of me, someone staring at me on the subway train, loud noises. These are just a few of the triggers. There are others.
I suffer from depression and this fuels my anger and vice versa. Although certain external things trigger my anger, I know that deep down, the root source of it is my frustration with myself. The problem is that the anger prevents me from dealing with the issues that cause it; and thus, it's a self perpetuating cycle. An example: I suffer from social anxiety. Particularly with women. Though I am an attractive and intelligent person, I am terrified of women because of experiences from my youth. Even when I know a girl is interested in me, I still chicken out. This infuriates me. I get angry with myself while I'm around the person and even more so when I'm back home, alone. This anger stokes my anxiety and the process just goes on and on. This vicious cycle is applicable to other situations, as well.
I'm 26-years-old and I hate this. It makes me miserable. I don't want to be like this forever. I want to be happy. What I think I need are some things that will help defuse the intensity of my anger, so that I can tackle my personal issues that really set it ablaze. I just need ideas, or suggestions of things that have helped you all. It could be anything - meditation, martial arts, whatever. I just need to hear from someone that something worked, or at least helped.