I am new here but from reading I See my story is not new.
I grew up in an extremely verbal family, quite used to yelling and screaming from my parents. It was always 'just how things were' never truely physical to the point of abuse. Though my father never spared the rod if he felt it was needed. My whole life I have myself been very verbal. Now as I grow old I fear my ways are set and I'll always be loud, angry or even just highly opinionated anytime something 'gets under my skin' although I've never feared I would become violant.
I've always felt in control of my physical self, but I do wish I had some way to change the fact that I react with my mouth first then seem to think secondly.
I am new here but from reading I See my story is not new.
I grew up in an extremely verbal family, quite used to yelling and screaming from my parents. It was always 'just how things were' never truely physical to the point of abuse. Though my father never spared the rod if he felt it was needed. My whole life I have myself been very verbal. Now as I grow old I fear my ways are set and I'll always be loud, angry or even just highly opinionated anytime something 'gets under my skin' although I've never feared I would become violant.
I've always felt in control of my physical self, but I do wish I had some way to change the fact that I react with my mouth first then seem to think secondly.
if you have a wife and children< i would have to say that maybe you could dig deep within and think back to how it made you feel when you where young and listening to them.
i have to tell you that i think you are a wondrful man for at least reaching out and realizing that there is an issue wth your vebal outbusrts if thats what you would call them. there is so much info on this subject becasue it is soooo common that if you really want to stop then talk with your family and be honest with them and ask for help then study,read and become a student and learn from less vocal people, read books on how to control this isuue etc.... like i said earlier about family, i guess if you have kids or a wife then i would have to tell you that my child and i are at the other end of the spectrum and we are verbally thrashed alomost daily, we live on eggshells and never know what will trigger the next outbust. I am made to feel like i am never good enough and i really dont know what to do becasue unlike yourself it is everyone else mot him. I am afraid my son will treat his wife like this becasue as you said earlier it is just how things are. So i guess just try to see yourself through their eyes and look up. God has really been the strength for my son and i.
CQ,
Thank you for your Reply!
Yes I have a wife and children (one grown and on his own and one turning 5 soon) and of course its for them I hope to find some help.
Looking back does not seem to give a lot of help because I guess I just assumed everybody grew up like this.
I live in an extremely rural area of the country and even the neighbors screamed and yelled at their kids as they grew up. Still I am well aware this is not a norm for people to do, and the old fear of 'I am becoming my Father' has already held true.
I do wish I could pinpoint some kind of triggering point for my outbursts but I dont really see them. It seems they can be the simplest things at times 'oh &%$#* where the &*#@ are the stamps I KNOW I put in this drawer' (when it was probably me who misplaced them to begin with) other times it will take much more to trigger an outburst.
I am sorry that you are on the receiving end of this, and I hope that you do see it is something almost impossible to control without outside help. This is something I could not see for years!
I do have God in my life and ask him for strength all the time, but I still see this is going to take much work and time to try and correct.
my stbx is like this,. hence the soon to be ex. ask yourself why the little things tick your off so mad. my parents yelled at us from one end of the house to the other to get to eat but nothing like that. but maybe work with your family to say make it a pont system or make you pay a quarter for evertime they think your yelling is over the top?
