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Old 08-10-2010, 01:03 AM   #1
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pinkiepoowhoo HB User
Red face normal level of anger or problem?

I've always been told that I'm easy to get along with for the most part. I most often speak my mind respectfully so that people aren't left to wonder where I stand or how I feel but not in an aggressive manner. If something truly bothers me I try to follow what I call my 24 hour rule...I think about it for a day and toss it around a bit. I try to think of it from different angles like how i would feel from another perspective and the best way to resolve the conflict. I'll admit that i can be a little excitable at times which involves things like clinching my jaw (habit) or raising my voice a bit when i am frustrated but i usually chill out fairly quick and move on. BUT there are times (I can think of 3-4 in the last 6-8 months) when I felt i lacked what i consider a reasonable level of self control. I, of course, feel as though my anger was justified but im not pleased with my response to it. The latest was 2 days ago. A new colleague made a rather loud very rude openly judgmental comment about a situation i was in the midst of at the time. It was a situation that she walked in to and caught maybe 2 minutes of the entire 12 hour ordeal. I was already frustrated and maintaining my composure quite well but when she made her comment I lost it. I felt the heat rising up my neck and face and I started to tremble. I had enough sense about me that I *invited* her to take a few steps away from the center of attention before I rather loudly offered how little i thought she understood of the situation and why she had absolutely no business opening her mouth when/in the manner that she did. She responded in an aggressive/defensive way and to be honest I was having some pretty horrific thoughts at the time BUT I walked away. I walked down a hall and turned a corner only to stand face to face with my supervisor. I must have been a sight because she was obviously concerned. I'm sure I looked like a raving lunatic when i explained the situation to her and THEN my colleague rounded the corner and entered the *conversation*. It became a pretty intent verbal altercation in which my colleague was reduced to tears ALL WHILE MY SUPERVISOR STOOD WITH MOUTH AGAP.

Now it's killing me; 2 days later and Im still fixated. Why? Because I was right. I was completely in the right on this matter (no, I'm not ALWAYS right) but it doesn't matter now. I had a totally teachable moment but i acted a fool and lost an opportunity. I feel that the only thing that will be remembered from this situation is that I was a crazy person.

 
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Old 08-10-2010, 01:16 AM   #2
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writeleft HB Userwriteleft HB Userwriteleft HB Userwriteleft HB Userwriteleft HB Userwriteleft HB Userwriteleft HB Userwriteleft HB Userwriteleft HB Userwriteleft HB Userwriteleft HB User
Re: normal level of anger or problem?

First of all, you sound like a really nice person, who just had Had it, the day of the incident. I think everyone can understand when we have simply had enough, and we blow up. Whatever the circumstances were, you did react in a negative way, even if you were right in theory. Those kind of things don't work well in the workplace. Hopefully, a mutual apology will get things right back to normal.

3-4 outbursts in 6-8 months pencils out to an average of 1 every 8 weeks. That seems like an acceptable amount if all the others were way less severe than this one. If more of the outbursts included yelling at bosses, family, friends or even strangers, that would be too much.

I would look into starting with doing some research of anger, and reading some good articles about it, and see if there are anything you can relate with. It is never a negative thing to observe yourself, then to fix anything you didn't like, that is quite a healthy response.

You could easily find some information that you could put to use that works for you. May behaviors can be worked out ourselves, just by focusing on them, and learning the triggers.

It's great that you are recognizing it early (if it really turns out to be anger), rather than letting it run your life, which happens so easily. I wish you the best!~

Last edited by writeleft; 08-10-2010 at 01:20 AM.

 
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