Me and husband have been together 3 and half years. I am 30 and he is 36. We both are educated people, who have good jobs/ house/ pets and yard..ya know.. We don't have any kids and were trying to get pregnant. I found out two weeks ago that I was pregnant.
My husband always had anger issues, mostly getting angry for small things and yelling.WE have had our ups and downs but mostly we have a good relationship.
Few months ago when my husband was mad he broke a lamp, which he had never done before.
Last night we had an argument,he took a painting that I really like off the wall and started banging in to the wall, the painting got torn. Then he got a pic frame and threw that on the floor. Then he goes in the bedroom and takes a big jar of candle and threw it across the hallway, which broke and made a big hole in the wall. And he broke a little plant too. All these in matter of one minute.
I am scared, what if my dog was walking in the hallway and got hit by the candle, ya know those big jars are heavy sometimes..what if we had kids and our kids were walking by..
I don't know if having this baby is the best idea, even though I want this baby more than anything in the world. I've waited all my life to have a baby, wanted to make sure it was the right time with the right partner..do I want to raise a baby in an environment where candle jars are thrown across the hallway...
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to answer your question....no you don't want to raise a child in that environment where candle jars are being hurled across the room.
In my opinion, this isn't the right time or the right partner to have a baby with.
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Thank you rosequartz. I feel like I failed myself and my baby. I don't know why my husbands anger is getting worst. When he broke a lamp this summer I didn't see him doing it, he said it was kinda an accident.. He had never broken or thrown anything before..and then last night..
I was raised in a very mellow family, so to me this is very big deal. My dad never broke anything..
What should I do..
this sounds stupid, but have you tried to talk to him? I'm sure you have.....but that's the logical first step, but it doesn't usually work. I've been in relationships with men like that and they usually don't get better, I'm sorry to say.....
do you have the means to raise this baby on your own?
I have tried to talk to him so many times in the past.
I do have a good job and I'm finishing graduate school in couple months, so I'm sure I will find a much better job.
Should he see a therapist? Does therapy work?
Am I overreacting?
is he willing to see a therapist?
it MAY work, but only if he's willing to......
you are ABSOLUTELY NOT over-reacting
I'm so glad you are finishing graduate school and aren't dependent on him.
if he's not willing to make a change, I'd be making plans for the rest of my life WITHOUT him.....
I think he has been willing to change. He has read a few books about anger management. Maybe I'm wrong, but that kinda tell me that he wants to change. And I mean he really is a good husband other than that.
My mom raise me to not depend on anybody financially. There were times I did 3 jobs, and not expect any men support me. I really want this baby to have a good family...I maybe am being naÔve..
Last night after we were calmer, he said "maybe we should go to couple's therapy to learn how to deal with this"..I said I would go to couple's therapy, but I think its more importand for him to go to therapy on his own. I don't think we have a couple's problem. I mean I'm not saying I'm perfect, and now with being pregnant and my hormones being all over the place..but I said I want him to go to talk to somebody. He said ok..will see if he follows through with it..
Does therapy work though? Does anybody have any kind of experience.
Rosequartz thank you for your help so far.
I don't know if therapy will work....I guess it's like anything else.....
you get out of it what you put into it.....
if he WANTS to change, and he WANTS it to work, there is a better chance that it will......
but I think it's a good sign that he brought it up in conversation......
but he has to follow it up with action......
Ok first, you don't ever want to raise and bring up your baby in a relationship like that. what happens if you baby is crying and your husband goes to hit your baby?
Get out of that relationship and explain to your family what's happening and I'm sure they will support you. And what ever you do don't have an abortion because my brother's ex girlfriend had one when she was in a abusive relationship, and she hasn't been able to get pregnant again and she regrets it.
if you want to stay with your husband take him to the doctor's for therapy for his anger. If he want to work out your marriage he will go with you, then he will get therapy and hopefully control his anger.