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Old 02-20-2011, 12:01 PM   #1
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Need to calm down; want to hit people

I've always considered myself a calm person, but ever since starting my new job (well, since I got yelled at last week there), I've been finding I am actually a very angry person. And I know why I'm angry: It's because I have choices taken from me all the time. Things that don't need to be taken away.

For example: I work in a call center, and while I'm on hold and such, I might just scribble little pictures on scrap paper at my desk to keep from getting bored. Nothing that interferes with my work performance in ANY way. Last week, my boss told me I am not allowed to draw, write, read, do puzzles or anything at my desk besides stare at my screen.

Now she crossed into some very dangerous territory by doing this. Drawing is something I would always use to calm down...even as a kid, if I was mad, I'd go draw a picture of the person I hate looking silly or fat or ugly or getting hit with a stick or whatever. It was theraputic and harmless. But my boss not only angered me by being a control freak AND comparing my creative career with cold-calling, but she took away all my outlets for anger at work. I was fuming and had no way to relieve myself.

I honestly had to use all my will power to not hit her. It wasn't just removal of my choices - it was the way she spoke to me. Like I was an idiot or a naughty child and she's better than me. Basically, she hit all my buttons at the same time. She's lucky I didn't hit her. So when I sat back down, I pounded on my keyboard and dug holes in my desk with my pen. It helped a bit, but I was still angry.

Doesn't help that I also get controlled at home too. As mentioned in other topics of mine here, I get forced to kowtow to my mother's boyfriend so he won't move out. I get forced not only to go to a graduate school I don't want to be in, but I get forced to pay for it with money I am saving up to buy a car or move out. I get forced to ask permission to see my own friends. I get forced to do a lot of stuff, so you can imagine how much I value the things I DO have personal control over in my own life...as well as why I get so very angry when the few choices I do have get taken from me one by one.

I'm scared I'm going to hit my boss...well, not really. I want to, but I'm scared of going to prison and she's just not worth it. I also cannot get counseling because I can't afford it and my being on my mother's insurance, she will not consent to me seeing a shrink because she thinks I overreact about everything.

So how can I handle anger at work? That's my primary concern because I can deal with stress at home. I can go cry into a blanket or punch a pillow or even play a game for a few minutes. But at work, I have no such outlets without fear of someone hearing me and interfering. Are there any herbs I could take to calm down? I've heard B and C vitamins help, but I've been taking those and they aren't doing anything at all.

Oh, and my work doesn't offer any kind of employee health benefits because I'm not allowed to work there full time and receive such benefits.

 
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Old 02-22-2011, 11:23 PM   #2
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Re: Need to calm down; want to hit people

I know how u feel, For some reason over the last year or so ive got very angry, I dont know why. I hate this one guy at work as hes always chuntering under his breath and moaning about everyone elses work when i dont think he does much himself so that makes me mad even more, im close to busting his face in but dont as i dont wanna lose my job...

I also get angry at home by anything, my dog even makes me mad, her moaning and crying when she wants to go out makes me shout at her and i feel cruel and mean for doing that. Ill sometimes give her a hug cause i feel so mean.

Im a big strong guy and im scared one day ill just see red and really hurt someone as im certainly capable of such things.(although i hate fighting and stuff) I sometimes want to stab someone to death cause i get so mad...i obviously wouldnt as im not a killer but the anger i feel makes me see it happening....

When i want to calm down i walk away and go somewhere where i can be alone like the toilet. But im not sure about other outlets...i wish i had some....I have thought about going to therapy but some would attempt to trigger the anger to find out what sets me off....the sound of the dog drinking water makes me mad! how sad is that!

Ive been depressed before and had meds for it and it didnt feel like this.

 
Old 03-09-2011, 01:13 PM   #3
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Re: Need to calm down; want to hit people

Just tell your boss how you feel in a nice way as long as it is in a respect full manner.Tell her I believe it not right what you are doing.Get it off your chest.

 
Old 05-23-2011, 08:06 AM   #4
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Re: Need to calm down; want to hit people

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dark Stranger View Post
I've always considered myself a calm person, but ever since starting my new job (well, since I got yelled at last week there), I've been finding I am actually a very angry person. And I know why I'm angry: It's because I have choices taken from me all the time. Things that don't need to be taken away.

For example: I work in a call center, and while I'm on hold and such, I might just scribble little pictures on scrap paper at my desk to keep from getting bored. Nothing that interferes with my work performance in ANY way. Last week, my boss told me I am not allowed to draw, write, read, do puzzles or anything at my desk besides stare at my screen.

.
Wow i can't believe how controlling some bosses are. I really can't imagine how you drawing on a piece of paper is interfering with your ability to work. I just picture your boss as some entirely insecure person who is miserable in their own lives so when they are given a modicum of power they use it to make other miserable. I also make little pictures on my notebook when i am bored, which is most of the time. I would really question my place of employment if my boss told me not to draw pictures any more.

You really sound like you need some counceling, I'm sorry your mother thinks you are overreacting. Unfortunately mental health still has a stigma about it and some people consider it only for "crazy" people. Good luck to you and i am glad you are using these boards, it helps me out too

 
Old 05-23-2011, 08:17 AM   #5
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Re: Need to calm down; want to hit people

some things never change......
as long as you continue to play the victim role in your life, you will continue to feel angry......
how can you stop getting angry? let go of the victim role and take charge of your life
it's fairly simple if you want to do it.....

 
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