I have been dealing with angry management issues for a long time now and need to do something about it. it is destroying my relationship with my girlfriend who I love more than anything. For example:
Today I picked her up from work and was excited to see her and spend my evening with her. She gets in the car and when I begin to start talking about my day i began telling her how it was a difficult day and i didn't get as much work done as I had hoped. I very quickly started to get frustrated and said "I just cant talk about it!" She then, only concerned about me, asked me what was wrong and I responded with a harsh tone, "I just don't want to talk about it!" I continued to get worse and worse. I then proceeded to lash out on her by saying how shes really messy and began to get upset at her for really stupid trivial things.
I feel like i take out my own frustrations on her, and she does not deserve that. I have found that I on many occasions have taken out my own frustration on loved ones and I do not want to do this anymore. I also realize that i do it shortly afterward and hate myself for it. I really need some help figuring out how to manage my stress/anger. I am normally a really fun loving person but as soon as I have the smallest amount of frustration is spirals out of control and I end up hurting people I love. When I look back on my behavior it makes me sick and I can't believe that I acted that way. If anyone has any suggestions or tips I am all ears.
This is the story of every home and person. We always take out our frustration on our own people believing that they never gonna leave us and they will always hear us. But some times we are wrong. Control your anger every time by just counting 100 in your heart. Till than be silent. Actually this works for me 99%.
I used to do the same thing, until I learned that I need them more than they need me. So when I get angry, I try to get away and let it pass, but if I can't get away, if for example being in a car with people. I try to just be quiet and wait until I get home and am ready to open up. The truth is that you really want to talk about what is going on, but are not yet ready to.
Let me first compliment you on your ability to perceive your own shortcomings, and seek help in finding a solution. The fact that you want badly to change gives you a much greater chance of overcoming this aspect of your personality.
I would start by making you girlfriend aware of you knowledge of how badly you feel for being hurtful to her when she does not deserve it. Letting her know you are working on this will go a long way towards helping both of you grow toward a more healthy relationship.
I encourage you to make up a few rules for yourself that you will not break.
Rule 1. I will not talk about myself unless it is positive.
Rule 2., I will not talk about others unless it is positive.
That is enough to work on forever actually. By focusing your thoughts on the positive, you will have to work on seeing what is positive, and it is there everywhere...just a bit harder to see at first. This will get easier and easier and you will become more and more positive.
Much of your quick turn towards lashing out in anger is due to habit. Habits can be changed by replacing them with other habits that are better. It will take much thought on your part, but the benefits will be quick and very satisfying. Just two simple rules that both require you to stop and think before saying a word. They give you a chance to listen, which makes your gf feel more important and loved. Put yourself in the backseat and let others get their points across without interruption.
Again, I admire you wish to better yourself in this way, you can do it. Going through life without change may be easier, but continuing to learn and change makes you a better and happier person. I wish you well.
The Following User Says Thank You to writeleft For This Useful Post: dreamnormal (11-28-2011)