I really don't understand why I am always so angry.
It doesn't happen when I'm at school, or around friends, or in public, because on those occasions, I'm really self conscious and shy. But as soon as I'm with my family at my own home, I'm so easy to set off. Sometimes it doesn't even take much; my room being messy, the air being too hot, someone making annoying noises. Then, suddenly, I'm the most irritable person, snapping at my family members for no real reason.
I'd say that it occurs most after I've slept. I'm d*****etly not a morning person, and when I wake up, whoever is waking me up gets a nice earful of how much i hate them for getting me up. Then, I make a big show of kicking off my blankets like a four year old, stomping around...It's all so embarrassing. It also happens if i nap. Just an hour ago, I woke up from a nap, went downstairs, my mom started ranting about how no one did the dishes... I started getting really angry. And then she shoved a pair of new jeans in my face and bit out, "you're welcome" when I didn't say anything. She could obviously tell i wasn't in a good mood, but that didn't help at all. I screamed at her when she told me not to cut the tags off. I began to cry and punch my hips when my dad told me to calm down... Im a teenager. That shouldn't be happening.
In case you didn't notice, I tend to hurt myself when I'm anger, or irritated.
I can't control it though. Everytime i get angry, it's like something is possessing my body, and I'm just watching it happen, unable to make myself stop. I'm so scared that it will permanently affect my relaitonship with my family. I've tried anger management counselling when i was younger, but I was too self conscious in front of the counsellor, so after just two sessions, she told my parents that there was nothing wrong with me.
I don't want to take any pills, I don't want to have to see another doctor... I've tried venting my anger through reading and writing, but the anger i have when i first wake up is absolutely uncontrollable. I used to try and sing to myself to stop it from happening but nothing worked; not counting things, or wondering about my day's plans... Whenever i tried to preoccupy my mind, it somehow managed to veer right back to being angry at the world for no reason.
I want to know two things:
1) Is this normal for a self conscious teenage girl? Or should I be seeking professional help for my anger?
2) Is there any way that I personally can stop this from happening without having to get anyone else involved?
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